❤ PRINCESS CARRIE CARRIE RIBENA BERRY

Shifted

2009-03-12T00:26:00.001+08:00

HELLO PEOPLE!! I shifted to

www.nowjusthutupandfly.wordpress.com

CAUSE GOT PASSWORD. SO EXCITING.

Anyway, want the password ask me hokays ?

LOVE YOU!

It makes me wonder

2009-03-09T01:34:00.002+08:00

I think i ate something wrong. I'm dying now from all the puking and growling of stomach :( Plus i'm having a fever :'(

Food for thought. What if the person whom you always thought love you and would always be there for you, suddenly left you ? How will you feel ?

Will you make her stay or would you embrace your singlehood ?

More than often, we take things for granted. But its only a matter of time, that "thing" leaves you. No matter how much she loved you, you made her give up because you didn't cherish her when she's with you. Everything she once did, she did it for you. But have you ever spared a thought for her and stand in her point?

When she's ill did you bother to take care of her ? When she's alone do you bother to make sure she's not bored ?

I don't think so.

Whatever it is, be prepared to lose her eventually if things goes on.

You may not mind now, but maybe you'll regret in future.

Because, shes leaving. Leaving you.

Pissed.

2009-03-08T02:25:00.003+08:00

Fucking pissed. Do you know?

So this is how FRIENDS should be. Looking you up when they need help or they are bored or they run into trouble. Seriously. How many times already. All you care is to go out and have fun. PERIOD. The what about the rest? I can't be bothered by you already. And you can say that i'm petty but i never ever forget that fucking "sorry-i'm-drunk" slap. Hello, Fuck you fucktard whore. Shit, you really look like one. TSK.

And i'm just acting friendly to _. Please lor. Copy cat. People do this you also want. Everything you must zup. Sibeh buay tahan. I felt like asking you to don't be so xia lan and act big. Seriously. Everything want people accommodate you.

Have been unhappy recently. But i don't know why. Sometimes i really feel empty inside. Have i got to know too much?

That thought is persistant. You didn't bother to catch.

I need a hug now.

也许在你忙忙碌碌的生活里，缺少了我这个人并不是个问题。
也许我只不过是个非常平凡的女人
也许这一切都不应该。。。

Shake Your Pom Pom

2009-03-05T00:30:00.001+08:00

Shake Your Pom Pom - Missy Elliott

I know this is a damn old song but it's nice hokay! HAHA.

Have been busy being at home and outside the past few days. Mostly with Baby. And i have been playing facebook's word challenge. It's seriously addictive. Can't get my hands off it.

Tommorrow's interview at OUB centre for events management thingy. I think it would be a good experience if i'm selected and reflects well on the resume too!

It really feels good to know that you can watch movies, do whatever you like without having to brood about studying. Well, i still have one more so wish me luck :) I need plenty of it for this. Feeling super uptight just merely thinking about it.

B and i have been going on pretty well. At least both of us are trying to make it last and work. Maybe whatever _ said was redundant. Maybe i really should trust him and not listen to _.

Nevertheless, i was really unhappy about a particular certain someone. I wish he/she would just stop interrupting and talking to him/herself. I really have no idea what to react and it's like i'm not interested in what you have got to think. Of me or of my friends or my relationship.

I really can't be bothered with you, it's just _ saying that i reply you but that doesn't mean you can pour your whatever unhappiness, ungain etc to me. It's your problem not mine. I have my own to solve.

I know and i believe my boyfriend is capable to protect me from whatever harm you think i will land myself into -.- I'm not addicted to drugs nor am i some fucking ah lian. Even my group of friends are into such stuff, they are my friends and i believe they won't hurt me either. So shove this into you...

GET A FREAKING LIFE.

I miss baby :(

It's like ecstasy, i love i hate you

If you do...

2009-02-27T21:14:00.004+08:00

Understand me, you wouldn't have acted like that. It pains me so much.

All papers down and i'm a happy girl. I can catch up with friends, work, slack. To sum up, to do whatever i want to do or whatever i feel like doing - including blogging with peektures.

On a side note, Boyf is ~~leaving~~ for China soon :( I will miss her like how a martian misses mars when put in Singapore. She's leaving on the 4th or 5th. CAN YOU DON'T GO. Even though like we kind of drifted apart but please, you still have a place in my heart cause you're my boyfriend and i still share things with you. EEK. So mushy right. I know you will confirm say i so er xin -.- But 6 months leis. Damn long eh :( Time faster pass. AND PLEASE MSN/WEBCAM ME OR WHATEVER LA OKAY. Your boyfriend important but your girlfriend here is also important okay ALLEN LUO WAN LING.

Oh yeah, idk if Dickson reads my blog but i heard you're going "ji nan" (so difficult) so take care too and update me okay chao ah beng? :)

Well, i had a tiff with _. Sometimes it just hurts me so much that up till now, you don't really understand me.

I know my friends and I are still young and we have yet to experience things or that we don't know how to handle things yet. I know you're worried for my safety and everything but the words you used to show your care. Makes me feel so little, so dumb, so child.

I did everything i can for you. To make this work, i sacrificed alot but i didn't mind cause i know we would be happy. But the thing is, it hurts when i heard you said something like that about my friends. Although you might not mean what i thought but that is what i feel. I strayed away from them and lost contact because i know we would have too little time together if i continued my ways. My friends were good enough to understand my plight and safely kept their distance but never once did they seriously broke ties with me just because i overlook them for you. And never once did they ask me to choose them or you despite me meeting them only when needed.

I used to put them as my priority, but after being with you, they aren't anymore.

It hurts when i hear you say such things which even though you didn't mean it in a malicious way as i intepreted. Because they took into account i regarded our relationship as something serious and they respected us and not merely stay away when i need a listening ear or when you aren't free. Do you know that?

And i was angry when i pushed you away, i didn't mean to do it. But at that time, it still hurts.

Am i really in the wrong love? Or are we really not suited?

I'm just not top on the list, am i ?

Anyway.

Diana, Happy birthday to you girl! :)

*idk if she reads this, me pretend she does.

If you do understand me and love me, hold me, i'm breaking down

How to

2009-02-24T19:48:00.002+08:00

Study..

Fuck law fuck everything. Now i just need a pillar of strength.

Sometimes i ponder and think, do you love me more than yesterday but less than tomorrow?

Because, sometimes i feel lost but i don't dare to question.

Am i being paranoid?

And now, I'm the unsure one about her own feelings. But how to bring it across to you without you thinking ____.

I missed this

2009-02-20T13:00:00.003+08:00

It's the lugging never ending nose piled in heaps of books, brain even more cramped than buses in India, eyes prying to open apart and the body trying to keep awake period of time.

Yes, the exams period. And guess what? I.HAVE.NOT.STARTED. I know standing ovation for me. But no encores i'm sorry. See, i'm so petrified that i have no fucking idea what am i typing.

Since i was taking a breather, i browsed through my old old pictures and marvelled at my change.

From joining to quitting, from clubbing to not clubbing, from everyday out to lesser outs, from menthol light to fresh air, from inked to the un-inked. Yeah. I guess this change did me some good. But as i mentioned 982340985 times, i missed my past.

Isn't this like the choiest ever ? Sighs. Bye bye. I guess i won't be having another till i'm 20 odd?

Mummy just warned me against tattoos (like again!). I guess she really abhors the very idea of ink on my body. Well, what to do. When i grow up, maybe i would. But till then...

Or maybe i will just chicken out when i get older.

Ah, the process of growing.

Anyway post u a question,

What if one day your other half tells you he/she does not have feelings for you anymore and ask you to make a choice to stay together or break up.

Which would you choose?

Oh disclaimer: Gary and I are fine and doing on well :) We'll get married like 23984903458 years later? HAHA. I'm joking. But yes, currently we are going on strong and fine.

Lg ice cream is super loved. Although it gives me a heck of problems. Similar to the gift sender eh? :x

The scarring.

Do you know

2009-02-18T02:29:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it will hurt ?

Like when you know too much of things that you shouldn't know. But it was because of curiosity.

And then now, you look at the person in a different light. Your mind will start wandering by itself like some lost dog.

And you will just start to compare yourself. Why was this person like that in the past but not like it now.

Sometimes i really have to admit, ignorance is bliss.

Whatever it is, this is what i keep telling myself,

"You know what you should not have known. This the price you pay for being curious. Suck it up, Fuck it and just live with the shit"

Yes, I know but undeniably,

i hate this part, i can't stand these tears.

But what to do when you've already found out? Other than ponder and think about the difference there's nothing much else i can do.

she said, "I'm everything she's not and she's everything i am. Therefore, the difference".

Can you likely imagine the pain ?

I said...

2009-02-15T23:57:00.005+08:00

i'm so gonna update with peektures right? So here it goes for the past few idk how many years? millions? billions? Zillions? HAHA. Exaggeration.

I was complaining like how my boyfriend is uber ROMANTIC. NOT. So to prove himself wrong, he did something super unexpected. In my opinion, it is truly wildly unexpected. This kind of thing should most prolly be my doing but well, I'M HAPPY.

He stuffed this into my bag on the day when i went tampines to do project and ended up taking like 92834752 years to reach serangoon. The thing is, i only told him i like the wallet the previous day.

Yes, Envy me.

I seriously digggg this. Not only because it's pink but also cause it's from my guy :) It's not the price that matters, it's the effort that counts. Serangoon - Dhoby Ghaut. And the tough part was my calls since i being the petty little woman gets pissed and peeved when i call a person and he/she never pick up.

I'm sorry Baby!

After this was our Big Day.

No, Not Marriage. His birthday la. It's OUR because i spent two months to arrange make and decide what to buy. Many much thanks to his friends :) And my pocket :)

So cute right? HAHA. I uber like this photo.

We were trying to play some behind the bars kind of scene but it didn't totally work out. But, still, i guess this is the best picture of US on that day.

The cake which i 环岛追追追 to get. It was seriously hard work because i as chiong-ing law and the scrapbook at the same time. Nevertheless, it's work well done.

He picked me up at Vivo and we headed to Novena for Steamboat :) Everyone was late and it got baby uber pissed. And i was late too! I'm sorry but i really rushed like some mad dog :(

So in the end let's summarise.

Stayed over at his place and rushed home in the morning to doll up, rushed project and scrapbook, forgot breakfast and lunch. After that rushed to vivo to get the cake. Baby was pissed because everyone was late. And steamboat-ed. Passed him the wonderfully done scrapbook which i'm fucking proud of. My first time doing it okay! And the finale present. Though we quarrelled over it. Or rather, i made a fucking big fuss, but neverminds, i'm sorry. (Because i spent a lot of time and money searching and yeah).

In the end, made up, everything was alright. We forgave each other, K-ed, quarrelled again over _ but everything was fine because he knows i only love him. Cut cake. Nice cake by the way. And la kopi and K.O. at his place.

I know the finale present right? WAIT.

Make a guesss???? It's horse with the rider macam going to war. Starts with a B (stands for Baby. Yuck. I'm so corny)

Yes, Burberry classic. I super love the checks so of course i shall present this to the person i love :) Okay, i know, the jitters.

Combination :) Maybe it's like coincidence? HAHA.

And Vday.

I fucking swear i was quite fucked out in the right way. I didn't expect anything from him. And i threw my fugly tantrum on him cause he keep cancelling and not cancelling to meet. And apparently, Yours Truly really hates last minute things.

And i do know hes getting something for me but i expect something like soft toy? chocolates? roses? But this is what i got.

LG ICE CREAM IN PINK. Yes, I know I'm lucky so i should stop being whiny and throwing tantrums at him. But you know, i can't help it! Nevertheless, i was quite shocked.

G: can you help me spray the freshner

C: Okay. Take peekture first.

G: Now can you spray?

C: huh. Orh.

And then there is this uber big card that melts my heart and a rose. Although it's at his place. Its deeply appreciated.

Baby, Thank you isn't sufficient but as i'm typing this, i'm backspacing as well because i can't find a word to truly express how i feel.

Shame on someone who can make anyone speechless with her words.

Sorry for all the tantrums and unreasonableness i undertook. I have apologized again and again but i never seem to be able to quit. Sorry B!

Happy 8 months to you too!

Love you.

"It really isn't how much it cost. Seriously. What matters to me was the effort and sincerity to all these."

:)

2009-02-15T12:56:00.003+08:00

It isn't the gift that matters, it's the thought that counts.

It may be something which cost 1 buck but i will still be satisfied because of the effort taken. But nevertheless, it came unexpected and i'm loss for words.

And i'm sorry for throwing you my tantrums when it isn't your fault.

Will update soon.

Thank you, love :)

[/edit]
I was talking to kit kit and i really found out i changed a lot. A whole lot. I have no idea what caused this change. She said Gary. Yeah, maybe. I don't know either.

To some this change is good to some it's bad. No more drinking, clubbing, smoking, lion dance, late night outs, ton, tattoo. Somehow, i feel that I'm not me anymore, i reverted back.

I just discovered something i should not have known. Curiosity perhaps. But like who wouldn't be.

Maybe I'm simply not the real one. Or that it's just a sub.

Whatever it is, the past haunts me deep and down. I really wonder now what would life be like if i had chosen another route instead of this.

Would i be happier or would i be more upset?

You forgot as usual. Unlike the past for _.

i already

2009-02-13T02:15:00.002+08:00

"I already tried my best. Mummy, i already did. But daddy, why is it still like that?

why am i still feeling so miserable?

Why can't i smile happily again?

Mummy, Daddy, why ???"

i don't care fuck that shit.

2009-02-12T22:06:00.003+08:00

I don't care fuck that fucking shit.

This is all bullshit. To think i will smile happily. I should have known.

Fucking bullshit.

[/edit]

Now. I'm starting to think. Am i really significant to you ?

Please don't let me_. I'm on the verge. Because all these hurt so much.

Maybe.

2009-02-09T23:20:00.004+08:00

I'm not feeling so good right now. The thought has been bothering me and i couldn't express it out to anyone. It sounds so pathetic but i couldn't relate to anyone at all.

So for a start,

I don't really feel loved. I don't feel important. I don't feel happy now.

To summarise, i'm feeling down. Very down.

Maybe i'm not all that good enough to deserve something good.

And i don't think this is good.

Pretty Pretty Please

2009-02-07T15:09:00.004+08:00

I'm rushing madly for time right now and i'm feeling anxious/pertrified/excited all in one.

Butterflies are flying all around in my stomach. I'm not sure what reaction i will receive. But i do hope it's a positive one.

But well, even if it's negative, i pray hard that i won't cry on the spot.

My heart's thumping like a wild rabbit. God, please, give me strength.

I'm shivering as i'm typing this. I really am. Please let it be good..

Please don't let me break down.

Please.

[/edit]
God didn't help me. But i don't know what i'm feeling now. It's a mixed feeling and it isn't good.

No mood to blog, till tmr,.

Really wierd.

2009-01-30T21:25:00.002+08:00

Wierd, Really wierd. I have been meeting people i really don't like this few days, or rather consecutively with the exception of yesterday. Tsk.

First was on the first day on CNY. That self proclaim fucking chio but i think she is fat, ugly and old bitch with no fashion nor make up sense.

Second day was pretty fine. Just that my helix irritate the shit out of me because i became mickey mouse. And even when i stood still, the pain i still can feel and it was throbbing pain like some kind of crazy fuck shit. But well, i can't blame anyone but myself for piercing and still eating hei bee hiam like it's going to be extinct soon.

Third day was rather smooth just a lil' bored and the wedding game suck balls. I thought it will be nice. But then again, assumption.

Fourth day had IS and irritate the shit out of me. Okay, this only i know. Interested? Ask me.

Then today. Oh my fucking god i tell you. Today is like some kind of combo.

Please la, i'm not trying to hao lian or what okay. I was just concerned and i asked. And i didn't have any idea how much you got. And i only asked like once, with no hidden agenda or propaganda or whatsoever ? You don't have to say those words as though i purposely want you to know we did better. I seriously did not know.

And it was just a few marks difference. I don't see the point in comparing who got the higher or whatever shit because competing is not my style. Wouldn't you be interested to know how much another person get ? Oh wait, i was the one who asked you, but errr, you asked me back right? So yours truly ASSUME you're interested as well.

Oh and come on, i'm not so dumb or childish to go "YAY! I score better". N-O. NO. It was just for curiosity sake. And i didn't rebutt you on the spot because there was just so many people. And this is not the final mark for goodness god sake. CB lah.

Moving on. I know i really don't like you and i ASSUME(this word is like super good to use) you don't like me either. So the feeling is mutual. I offended you alot of times, but you too have stepped on my tail a good many time as well. This, we are fair.

I really don't care if i had offended you by saying how sucky your girlfriend is and saying shes a cheapo but it's true. Why buy fake LV if you can't afford and still want to bluff your friends it's real and backstab/outcast another girl when she exposed the truth that its a fake. The nice way to put things, "why quarrel over a stupid bag". The actual truth, "Can't afford but die die want people to know your fake is real, DON'T BUY. WAIT UNTIL MOOLAH FALLS."

I'm a brand addict but you don't see me carrying like gucci, LV and etc. Because for me, i firstly don't believe in fake ones because i want face. And secondly, i prefer to own these stuff using my own hard earned money.

And i was trying to be nice by telling her she should like do something to her make-up because the colours doesn't blend with her. Not sarcastic. I was just saying, "hey, i think the other colour suits your skin tone better eh. Can bring out your natural tan." PERIOD. It was just a suggestion because her face colour is different from the rest of her body e.g. neck.

And she was the one who asked what kind of outfit complement her body. I said no halter because her shoulders are broad. And she whine to you saying that i said shes fat? Like yeah, i do call people and even myself fat, but i merely told her to avoid halters. Not she's fat and she's the one who asked me what complement her figure.

I had no choice but to ask for your help not because i want to. Because she owes me MONEY which i need to collect back. Otherwise, i seriously like to steer clear of your path.

Did i mention, you're a sly, cunning, evil, irritating SON OF A BITCH. Shit, i pity your mum. Let's just call you a fugly piece of shit. It goes well with cow dung :)

BLARH.

I know you read this, so i want to show you my fugly and fat face :)

Oh, my helix got better. I'm in a good mood, though i still wish that couple would die :)

The going is tough but i'm perserving. SIGHS.

Better?

2009-01-29T23:34:00.002+08:00

Why do i feel that my helix is getting better but when i asked around, they say "no, its still as swollen". Why ar? But i really think it's healing, at least there's pus and like its coming out. Okay, that sounds uber disgusting but its a sign!!

So maybe this CNY isn't so fun for me. Bye Bye my favourite Hei Bee Hiam :( I'll see you next year? That sounds so exaggerated but whatever lah.

And the girl from the previous post. Lets call her E. I tell you, i can just rant and rant and rant about her the entire day. She can even backstab me saying that i'm short when she's shorter !!! And shes like freaking old, like 27 onwards? Seriously, act cute act young, whatever la. Still want to be a model, i think boss will kill me if i introduce her. Old, fat, fugly biatch.

Nuff said. There's something which i would like to clarify.

I'm seriously an uber straightforward person, whoever, whatever i don't like or my feelings towards something, i will just say it out with no second thoughts. This might be both a strength and a weakness. So i apologize if i did offend any of you because of my bluntness.

And because of this, if there's anything you want to clarify with me, seriously, just do it in my face and not hiding in some corner and backstab. You people know who you all are. I don't blame you for being a group of all girls but yeah, if there's something about me, let me know.

We don't meet up anymore since a few lighyears ago but i know and i have people to tell me what is going on.

I don't wish to step back in anymore, so just let me be okay?

And, i'm not happy.

To be precise, i'm upset.

Chinese New Year FUCKING NOT HAPPY

2009-01-28T00:30:00.002+08:00

It's the second day of Chinese New Year. And from the title. It isn't a good one.

Firstly, red packets shrunk like hell. Okay. Please don't go about saying red packets isn't THE THING. Shut your fucking trap. If you really want to say that, give me your red packets. I will be grateful to you. Also serves as a warning to keep your unsightly mouth shut :)

Secondly, i met with someone i detest AGAIN. I seriously don't feel like talking to you. It really irks me. I can't find anything to communicate with you so please stop acting sociable. But what makes me dislike her right? Actually is EVERYTHING. She's not pretty and her make up skills suck balls. She's FAT but she thinks she's slim. I know it isn't her fault to be born fugly but well, too bad for you.

Thirdly, my helix is fucking driving my mood down. *not for the young*

Its fucking painful and swollen but there's no fucking pus nor blood. I can't fucking take the fucking stud out because it's fucking gonna be fucking ugly and i might not pierce it in. I should have fucking not touch the fucking prawns. And i have absolutely no fucking idea how to help my helix. ITS FUCKINGKANINABEYCHEEBYE painful.

And now, i'm fucking stoned. While they are enjoying at Orange.

FUCK IT.

Happy New Year everyone!!

2009-01-25T15:11:00.001+08:00

Tommorow's Chinese New Year already but yours truly has no mood :(

Who the hell will have the mood when she has to complete all her fucking assignments. Damnit. Can't we like enjoy? It's bursting my god damned had i tell you. URGH!

Baby's in camp, meeting him tomorrow :) As usual!

Anyway found this:

Baby's a Poplar Tree:
Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, goodorganizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

I'm a Hornbeam Tree (Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

HAHA.

Okays. Collect more Ang Pows and gamble till your last breath but save the money for me :) I'll truly be deeply appreciative.

I shall clobber back to my entre strategies already :(

Maybe this is the last run

2009-01-23T18:17:00.004+08:00

Today's Friday! Chinese New Year is like coming round the corner but i don't feel it. I have no idea why either. Whatever it is, i don't really look forward to it.

I just finished watching 康熙來了. As regards to a certain celebrity. Although she's like 20 something but i seriously find her a true bona-fide bimbo. Seriously. Does she think with her butt or her boobs rather than her brains? It only reflects and substantiates people's perspective that looks and brains don't go together. Pretty much of a disgrace in my opinion.

Anyway, this is nothing of my concern. I'm just reflecting my viewpoints and opinions and stand. Oh. Finally after 985674123547 years, i pierced my HELIX. So i have like tragus, lobe and helix. Next up is concha. HAHAHA. I think i'm crazy because that is gonna hurt like some shit. Even Eric took like half a year to heal.

So maybe this might be the last lap for me. I feel that i'm draining out of patience, stamina everything essential to keep it going. I'm really losing everything. How?

_ not helping either. This makes the entire situation even more saddening than what it is now.

Anyway, i don't feel happy/assured/___(fill it in)

Maybe i will just shut up and let it go :(

cause you're hot then you're cold
you're yes then you're no
you're in then you're out
you're up and you're down
you're wrong when it's right
it's black and it's white
we fight we break up
we kiss we make up

[/edit]
I'm tired and i'm dozing off but i'm still in front of the computer. I'm not even at home :(

And i ask what have you ever did for me or have you even spare a thought for me.

Mummy, bring me home.

Its a fun-filled day

2009-01-21T14:46:00.005+08:00

I have half an hour more to golf theory. I'm almost done with SPM revision :) And i edited pictures! Like FINALLY i know.

First up, the ECD Bazaar at Kovan which apparently SUCK BALLS. *&(#*!^*(

Next up the open house which left all of us so fucking effing tired. But definitely, it is a wonderful experience of working and chiong-ing together. And special thanks to Dickson for his special appearance and help to us on Thursday. Deeply appreciated AH BENG. Thank you CHAO AH BENG

So this is basically day two. The top right hand corner picture is yours truly with the chao ah beng - Dickson. So people will know who am i thanking for all the "sai-kang". Oh yeah, he's like the doraemon and transformer and also to me, a mother. SUPER NAGGY, keep asking me to eat eat eat (cause i whine endlessly i was hungry) HAHA.

During the set up of the suites. We really can find joy in like everything? Including "TRM" At least we aren't bores are we ? :)

Our scandal of the class -.- As reported by ABC news, L****** and *a***** were found doing something different during the open house. Something unexpected and defintely not on the agenda. Let the creative juices flow and you'll understand >.<

That was crap. In case you are dumb enough to believe. HAHA. (Disclaimer: to protect their errr. clean status)

School work aside albeit fun though tiring. Time for some TLC and relaxation:)

Oh dear, this is like super last year. The Singapore flyer visit. I should really credit my phone for being so smart to actually be able to take note of the date. Really. The trip to flyer on the 20th December. Just merely a day before the big hoo-haa took place.

But well, seems like "flyer flyer, carrie wants to go on singapore flyer" isn't so fascinating after all. It really was nothing much and pretty cramped too. So much for enjoyment. But well, once in a lifetime beats none?

Pictures speak a thousand words but well, they are indeed my cannot-live-withouts. Without them, i will die. Like literally.

And my wonderful boyfriend went too :) I don't think he really enjoyed it. Same here big guy! And thats a candid shot of ❤Gary and daddy :)

I know you haven't seen him in ages so here's my baby for you :) Or rather, for myself when i self indulge in my own blog. Yes, i admire my own blog, you got a problem?

And of course, before i forgot

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY !

I highly doubt you would actually read my blog though i caught you reading like last month. HAHA. Gotcha! But well. Happy birthday 爸爸! I have been really stubborn with my princess tantrums and all but thanks for giving in to me. Teaching/preaching me every morning about how to drive without being horn-ed by others to debating about political issues. Even to the extent of telling me i should keep my tantrum down with my boyfriend. When i have realtionship issue which leave me upset and helpless, you guided me along and told me to relax.

Maybe i will just type this in a chinese version if you admit you read my blog! HAHA.

To sum up, Happy Birthday dearest daddy. You know i love you more than anything else. So do i get my Suzuki Swift anytime soon? Okay. I'm just kidding.

I know this isn't really my style but yeah. This is the first ever picture okay.

This guy here didn't call me for the entire day today. Urgh :( And i doubt he even reads this. So i can complain and whine all i want.

I was just saying fairytales don't always happen but this time round, i'm so near to my fairytale. I'm just glad it happened.

Although i'm upset that he didn't message or call me but i guess this is what we call give-and-take. He's tired i guess. Maybe i should learn to be less sticky.

Oh yeah.

I PASSED MY BTT ON MY FIRST TRY! Nothing to flaunt about but i'm proud of myself because i only read the book like for an hour and i went to the test.

The * beside me looked at my screen and he understands whereas i don't even be able to comprehend his. But nevertheless,

I PASSED!!!!!!

True Workaholic Born and Bred

2009-01-11T22:27:00.002+08:00

It has been a crazy ride the past few days with so many stuff going on that i'm left

TIRED.

But nevertheless, i'm a true workaholic. Pervertic as it sounds or seems, i enjoy being busy and working. At least i know there is some goal in life that i can attain. Maybe i'm a bumble bee reincarnation?

Open House over, IS over (visit to farm many many much much thanks to Baby) i'm left with ECD test and bazaar. So wish me luck for it.

Right now, i'm too tired to really blog after squeezing my brain juice for Tlaw.

Myabe because of so much events going on right now, i have so much lesser of you :(

This is the downside of being a bumble bee. But well, maybe distance makes the heart grow fonder.

For now, i'm pretty unsure of how i _.

will blog soon. with pictures.

Open House Part I

2009-01-07T19:43:00.003+08:00

Current addiction:

Hot N Cold - Katy Perry

I like this song but i don't know why. HAHA.

Open House preparations have been hectic these few days. I hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow cause we put in hell lots of work into it.

I have to apologize to Ariana and Yong Liang for losing my tantrum especially when everybody is so busy with things being so so so hectic.

Nevertheless, the experience of preparation though tiring is worthwhile. It's enjoyable and fun i have to admit and it is really job well done yo!

Slacked at the hospitality suite today while waiting for Lay Ying and Hui Qi to be back from collecting souvenirs. And started messing around. HAHA. With Dickson being Doraemon. It's super funny. And transformer.

Sometimes i just wish i can be so busy forever. At least i have some goal in my life. Although tiring but the hard work pays off. Yes, i'm a workaholic don't you think?

Anyway, come down to NP TRM's open house.

It just sums up in one word three letters.

FUN!

I will post the pictures. And it's fucking funny. (Alliteration?)

[/edit]
I WANNA LOSE WEIGHT. FROM 46 OR 47. I SWEAR I WILL DROP TO 42. I FUCKING SWEAR.

It's merely.

2009-01-02T22:33:00.002+08:00

I'm screwed. Seriously screwed. For HBM. I have no idea what nonsense i'm typing about and it seems like some random person yakking away. With no sense whatsoever.

I'm pretty tired now and sleepyhead is sleeping happily away :( Slept at 5 am last night and woke up at 10 am today. This explains why are we so tired.

I have no idea where are we going later or maybe just laze around in the cove.

I received an sms and a phonecall. I am not happy. I don't understand why people can be so rude at times. And asking the same old thing. Which i am tired of answering. Hasn't the person got any form of education? Or is his-her education got wasted? Or maybe, he-she dropped his-her brains on the bus? I think he-she is just pathetic.

Why he-she? Cause i think this person looks like a guy. Adam's apple. HAHA.

I'm craving for bedok 85 or town.

I just went town.

School's starting and so is his duty :(

But i'm looking forward to _.

[/edit]
Sometimes, when you wish for a fairytale to happen, it never will.

Or maybe, they don't exist at all.

Am i deserving all this?

Its the last

2008-12-31T18:39:00.004+08:00

Its the last day of year 2008. Or to be precise, 5 Hours and 14 Minutes to 2009. How will you rate your 2008?

Personally, it has been a roller coaster ride this year. Certainly of a very much difference as compared to 2007. School work has been piling even more but the schooling timing gets shorter. I have no idea why. Behaviour-wise, turned super rebellious in the beginning but toned down alot now. So is this good or bad?

Relationship-wise, i'm happy. Definitely there are ups and downs but nevertheless, i'm still happy. Though my life would be so different if i were to be single but like McDonald's always say, "I'm Lovin' It".

No doubt now i'm pretty uncertain of the future but well, this is life. I will just take a day as it passes. Maybe as time passes, i will be more certain and assured. And i guess only till then would i fall asleep in contentment. Of course, not that i'm not contented, just more contented.

When in Rome, do what the Romans do. Therefore,i shall continue to be cliche and have my New Year Wish. (I have not forgot my Santa)

1. Get my driving license.
2. Pass with damn good GPA
3. Take a peek into my future.
4. Travel
5. To turn from Little Miss Petty to Little Miss Happy. (I'm not petty, Baby's asumption)
6. Baby _.

So what about his? HAHA
1. He wants me to love him ~~more~~
2. He say i should stop buying too many fakes eye lashes
3.

I Hope

2008-12-30T19:38:00.001+08:00

I promise i will change for the better. For you and for me.

I just hope that we won't be drifting further apart.

Iloveyou

:(

2008-12-28T17:57:00.004+08:00

My head is spinning and its not going well. I'm super uber irritated and sians. What is the world coming to.

Some things which i once thought was important and dear suddenly turns into nothing in just a second. I seriously don't wish to give a damn about things already. I don't bother to and i don't even feel like giving a hoot because i think it's pointless.

What's the use of trying to glue things back when the other party is not willing to even sacrifice?

Too bad then, i have nothing better to say or do.

Soon to be over.

2008-12-25T12:08:00.005+08:00

It's over. It's really over :( I'm kissing goodbye to my holy holidays. Now i'm hoping for 48 hours a day because i just have so many many things to complete :(

Whoever said poly life was slack should just climb to 20th storey, jump off and die. Because, even myself as one of the slackers, don't find it slack.

Santa didn't give me my Coach :( No White Christmas, no Coach.

Nothing.

I'm not happy at all.

It isn't a good day.
Something so simple became something almost impossible to complete
I really tried to be strong and stand up for you
But underneath all this, i think i'm gonna breakdown soon.

Please, don't tell me what to do
Just shut up and keep your comments.

I really need your support now..............

This is hilarious

2008-12-20T11:49:00.002+08:00

This is effing hilarious. Chanced upon it and i couldn't stop laughing. But to think about it, I won't ever type like this. But well, just for laughs.

http://benglish.kennysia.com/?add=http://nowjustshutupandfly.blogspot.com

Another hilarious event which i chanced upon earlier on was about defamation. I don't want to point out who or what or why or when or how. But i don't see the reason in defaming someone you don't know just by the fact you think she does something the society thinks its wrong or that you are unhappy with the stuff she presents.

Yes, this is your space as i always put on my mouth. But she hasn't even yet stepped on your toes nor incurred your wrath why defame her? Even if whatever she has done doesn't seem to be morally right well, just fuck it? She hasn't even exchange smiles or gestures with you, not even one so why critcize?

You cant state you don't like such stuff but i see no reason as to defame/berate her to such a low stooping extent. Fess up, jealous or jealous?

It's other's life, so fuck it because she hasn't agitate you. Not at this moment.

Resolution

2008-12-19T12:40:00.004+08:00

All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey

I think my posts are all so emo-fied. Which is a bad thing. So my new year resolution is to be HAPPY. Maybe just Christmas resolution since everyone has their new year resolution. I'm special you see :)

Sentosa outing the day before. In a nutshell. It was fun though albeit too hot. HAHA. Playing frisbee, ball, Big 2. Yes, i started playing Big 2 already but i'm still a noobie. No eye candies at the beach yesterday which is like so sad. Talked about recent news like dumb articles and it seriously made me laugh like some maniac. They really made my day yesterday which explains the good mood.

But my shoulders hurt from sunburn :( OUCH

Shit, i think i'm having PMS. I get upset easily. WHY?!! I promise to eat more chocolates. HAHA.

Over at Baby's house now and going to the flyer tomorrow! Like finally. Even though i think it's a pretty much waste of moo-lah but i think it would be a good experience. Especially i would like know how it feels to the almost at the top of the world and comment of the service attitude of the flyer. Yeah, i sound like a dumb critic.

It's the Christmas season so here's something for you which i find meaningful. You should know who you are :)

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby, all I want for Christmas is
You oooh

Er. But Santa, I made a pact with you. Coach okay? So cookies and milk outside my windowsill. You can drop the wallet into my bedroom because i will open it slightly. But if you wanna come in and inhale some warm air knock on the window alright? The cookies are for your consumption and Rudolph too! You can tabo, i won't mind. Thanks Santa...

It doesn't hurt to be imaginative and filled with hope does it? hurhur~

Over my dead body

2008-12-17T22:19:00.004+08:00

Apparently i'm so not over the episode. Because the same old fucked up cycle happens AGAIN.

I repeat, AGAIN. Can you fucking believe it that my efforts of waiting and sms-ing has gone down the drain. Not to mention crying. Damnit.

So now, maybe i should just treat myself better. Maybe i should do things which i normally do but held off. Maybe i should think of myself for a change. Maybe i should be selfish.

I'm an individual yet i felt as though_. Maybe i should change something in my life starting with myself.....

Whatever. I'm just gonna fuck it and fuck care. And be selfish. And think of only myself. And maybe this makes me happier. And i won't be so upset or emo or whatever you like to call it.

Anyway. Out to K with long lost people. I didn't snap much except for Sk and Wy. Because I forgot until we were on the train and only these two were left with me. AHA.

It was kind of fun, not fab but well, fun. At least something different. And we were pressed for time. But still, it was rather enjoyable.

I'm over at Baby's house and apparently PSP has taken over my position. So i become the machine and PSP becomes the girlfriend. Sad huh?

But this is why i'm blogging. Maybe i should get a sub-boyfriend. Tamagotchi anyone ?! :D

Sentosa tommorow. Looking forward so much so much. Sun, Sand, Sea, ACTION! Minus the projects. SIGHS.

This holiday is gonna be filled with misery. So much misery of projects and more projects.

And i feel fucking redundant. I miss those good old times when things weren't so complicated.

I should have gone for that weekend gateaway but everything's too late. So many things to do and complete and account and answer and be responsible. Oh wait, didn't i say i will fuck it? SEE! I'm super procrastinating. That's why i say i'm so fucking weak. (I enjoy talking to myself because i'm pathetic because i can only talk to myself so get it over)

I think it's time to kiss goodbye to her
The her when she held everything so close and dear

I'm disappointed

2008-12-15T22:58:00.004+08:00

I thought things were going well. But well, I thought.

Now i know what the fuck you take me for. Or maybe in my opinion, i just feel that i'm nothing. Or that, you don't bother to care. Or maybe im just fucking taken granted of.

Whatever i have done is redundant. Whatever i have tried to do is pointless.

I'm not trying to be emo shit nor whatever you call it.

This is just my thoughts and feelings. Fuck it when i keep saying maybe its the time to think over everything.

I thought over it and i really need some peace. Fuck myself for being so weak.

Get out of it please. Fucking get the hell out.

I'm still not over it yet.

YOU KNOW RIGHT

2008-12-15T00:14:00.006+08:00

From the looks of my title i know you smart people should know what this post is right?

Oh, you mean you don't know? Neverminds, this is the reason why i am blogging right now when i should be in my comfortable bed tucked under the heavy but cosy comforter and propping with my bolster drifting slowly into the ever so lovely... LALALAND.

Oh, the PURE BLISS BUT for the sake of you, you, you and you who are interested as to what is going on (act to be interested la), Yours Truly is here to resolve the world's enigma. (I think i should sleep already. What's up with my melodrama?)

No la, to shortlive your happiness, this post is only for one person. And it's really just for that person.

This person is someone very different. Very different indeed. Lets call him/her B shall we?

B is able to make me cry and make me laugh uncontrollably. B is the person who i normally turn to. B is the one who does all the silly actions and brighten my day. B is the person who can make me angry at one moment and happy at another. B is the person who frustrates me by not answering whatever questions i pose cause B thinks it's not very sensible even though Yours Truly thinks it is a truly important question. And the list goes on.

Guess who B is?

No?

C'mon!!

Okay la. B stands for Baby.

Baby:
I have not been the perfect nor ideal girlfriend neither in the looks department nor the attitude department. I have constantly been throwing my tantrums and been rather childish at times. Even though i am still able to pull off such an act. (Like i'm only 18!) I have also been giving you a hell load of problems and pissing you off with certain things i do or say because i can't keep my emotions in check properly. And needless to mention my mood swings which could hurricane from 0 to 100 immediately. And there's so many other dumb/retarded/immature stuff i have done which either drove you crazy or drove you silly.

And although you refuse to entertain me at times or even listen to what i have got to say. Like to the extent i will keep whining and complaining that my words have no strength. (This isn't good Baby) Or at times, you neglect me (although i will kick up a great big fuss for you)

But i thank you for everything for the past few months. (No, we are not breaking up. We're still going on strongly.) Thank you for controlling and tolerating me, this nonsense, stubborn, immature PRINCESS with the attitude and cheering me up when i'm down.

Actually, i don't really know what to say because i'm not I'm not adept at expressing my thoughts out and loud anymore. Neither am i the one to really be sticky and mushy and stuff like that. I am not the dream girl you dream about. Neither am i that perfect girlfriend. But i try to be myself and try to make you a happy boyfriend by supporting and being there for you :) Or maybe irritating you.

So Baby, it sounds so cliche, so common, so ordinary, but yet, this is the strongest word i feel i could use.

Thank you for everything. From controlling my wilful acts and tolerating my
immaturity to being there for me when i needed support and caring for me,
Thanks.

I'm not the perfect girlfriend, neither are you the perfect boyfriend. But this is the way i want it to be because amongst the imperfectness, i see something perfect.

Maybe to some of you, you think that i'm being foolish. But nevertheless, whatever will be will be. I don't know what will happen the next day or even the next split second, so maybe it's time for us to learn how to cherish and not take things for granted. Especially things who are dear to you. At least, i gave my best. And for this, i'm able to answer to myself.

Don't ask me why suddenly i'm typing this entry. I don't know either. Maybe this is a pit stop for me to reflect? It's just in the spur of the moment.

And you know why am i constantly annoying him?

"Perfect love is not receiving, it's giving and forgiving. Perfect love is not red roses on valentine's day, it's the rest of the 364 days of knowing and loving you. Perfect love is not phone calls and stolen kisses, it's the silent smiles in memory of your sweetheart. Perfect love is not a grand wedding but spending a lifetime together. Perfect love is loving the one who annoys the hell out of you. And i think, im the one annoying the hell out of you :)"

So Now baby should know why am i always annoying him. It's no longer "beat = sayang or scold = love." My equation evolve to:

"Annoy more = Love more"
PS: So Baby love me alot too! HAHA.

To end this,

Happy 6 months Baby. I love you.

PPS: I know this is like abit dumb but it's for self-reflection and YES i will ask him to read. FOR ONCE. Whether he reads or not it's up to him. I have done my part.

Am i a priority or an option?

2008-12-14T20:27:00.005+08:00

It's SUNDAY and i'm at Baby's house -.- Apparently he enjoys watching teevee in a standing position with both hands at the back. Does this make a show nicer? Maybe i should try it.

The holidays have officially started though i seem to be holiday-ing for quite some time. Spm re-test on X'mas eve. So utterly saddening. Nevertheless, suck it up, get it over and done with.

Twilight is out. Yes, with anticipated bated breath, IT.IS.FINALLY.OUT. The bitterness, sweetness into a whirlpool of romance and love. I'm so gonna watch it. Anyone?

The world's roller coaster ride pales in comparison with what i have been going through these few days. I don't really like the way i'm acting and feeling now. That i don't have a certain fixture of emotion and thoughts at one point of time. I can be happy but sad. Either at the same time or concurrently. I know it's ironical. But i don't know why.

Perhaps i do know why but i just can't get it out. I'm too smitten and delved into my own persnal thoughts. And the sad reality is, i have no idea how to extricate myself from this tangled web.

I'm not a child, but still, i crave for my own attention and surprises. Maybe i should mail to myself a X'mas card and act surprised (re-enact Mr bean). I'm just kidding. So my life has slowed its pace and it turned monotonous. From a colourful and vibrant to a black-and-white one.

Even my 18th birthday which i initially thought would be a blast sometime ago turns out so much otherwise. I don't intend or impend any celebrations but i didn't expect it to suck so much. Oh God, it's already over so why am i still harping on it.

Things are just so different now. Issit because i'm growing older or because i inhibit myself? I'm still young, i need my fun but i seem to have lost that element. How?

And i can't help asking am i the priority or just an option ?

Or worse, neither.

Maybe Christmas would do some good for me. Maybe it's time for me to yet again reflect and think about how things are going. Maybe it's time for me to sort out my own thoughts.

But it's still an enigma. Maybe even after all these Maybe's, i'm still back to square one.

Nevertheless, looking into my drawer and the Coach wallet makes me happier.

So Santa, Please make me a happy girl of 18 in 2008.

It might be all but a reverie now
but it may become a dejavu later.

Sorry

2008-12-14T03:11:00.003+08:00

I know i'm not being an absolutely fantastic friend but like i'm trying to be at least a passable one?

I really had enough of all these shit and nonsense. It's my life. Let me live it my own way. And if my words pierced you, i'm sorry. It's just that. It's my relationship. So i think i should know what to do. Be it whether you determine i'm not well taken care of or that _, it's still my own problem.

Yes, true. I don't really feel all that secure with *. But i think, this is his duty not yours. Hence, i got uptight when things start to go haywire.

And Seriously, i never thought those kind of words would ever come from you. In a way it hurts but...

I did try to be there for you when i could. I know sometimes i just hold my silence because i felt that nothing i say could really do much. I just feel that a listening ear is better than a speaking mouth. Yes, i will berate the person but to what extent? How much can we berate?

I never count or take for granted that you were always there, you too, have your own time. And i don't blame you nor anyone when i'm upset or holed up alone.

This can just go on forever without a conclusion.

I'm sorry my friend for whatever harsh words i said. But i do hope, for just a listening ear.

At least everything now is CLEARED. I love you girl :)

Meeting Baby later. Am super dead now because chatted with long lost friend - Sheng Kiat till like 5 in the morning. Basically just chat and drag about Tuesday where we are going and stuff. That is after clearing misunderstanding with her :)

So Baby, don't be unhappy :( I still love you a lot -.-

I promised

2008-12-13T15:03:00.005+08:00

I promised to upload the pictures. And this time, i didn't break it. Marvel at my enthusiasm. I have more to upload but give me time okay? Haha. I'm such a procrastinator.

Was supposed to meet Baby at 3pm and the time now is 3.05 and counting? Oops. But i think it's alright since there's nothing much. Teehee. See, for all of you. Please be honoured.

The surprise on Friday (Yesterday) was buying a movie ticket for bolt on my own accord. I thought he had wanted to watch/catch it but i think i was abit wrong.

Nevertheless, it's a movie to kill irritate-ness, anger and unhappiness. Can i have a dog like Bolt? So i won't be lonely at home. Yeah, i'm kidding myself. Because i think i will bling everything on my "Bolt". Maybe i should call my dog "Bot". Tsk, Carrie please stop talking to yourself.

Actually, i'm feeling quite disappointed. I don't know how to express it out either. Maybe just maybe. I think i have became a bit too non chalent. Has everything went up into smoke? I no longer feel excited, i feel it's a drag, a burden. I lose the strong desire and burning feeling. I lost it. And i don't know how to get it back.

To sum up, i lost hope and love for it already. Also widely known as passion. Maybe it was a decision made in a spur of the moment and now, i have to carry it for life. Yes, i regretted my choice years back. How now brown cow?

It's too late to start regretting though. What's done can't be undone anymore. Sighs. So i just hope this is a transitional period where i temporarily lose my thoughts, focus, passion, enthusiasm, love, hope and etc. I just hope that my battery is flat and it only needs recharging during this holiday.

The first picture is more of the lightings being the "focus" and the second being the lovely people as the "main target" of the lens and capture. HAHA. Yes, what the hell am i talking about.

11 more days to Christmas, 10 more days to SPM re-test and 44 more days to CNY. Am i looking forward? HAHA.

Santa, I really have no chimney, But no worries, one large plate of cookies and big cup of warm milk will be on standby at my windowsill. I'll leave my window slightly open, so if you need to come in, knock on the window pane, I'll definitely welcome you. If not, you could just drop the coach into my bedroom.

I seriously don't mind if you want to tabo cookies and milk back :)

This is how badly i want the wallet :( Why am i always repeating myself ?

Please be happy. Cause i'm not. What irony.

Today baby & me go walk walk.. hahahahahaha... & u dun piss me off again this time round.. cause im giving u another chance.. dun say suan xiao wei... baby bought me a new polo tee.. & i am so happy.. =) hahahahahahahaha... okie i got to go.. BYE BYE!!! HAHAHAHAHHA

I want...

2008-12-12T11:41:00.004+08:00

I have not been eating what i should have been for the past four or five days. Or rather, i ate almost nothing?! Since whatever goes in, comes out via the mouth. Its a sickly feeling and i fucking hate it.

I'm like fucking hungry but i can't fucking eat anything :(

Went Bugis yesterday and the crowd made me felt so super sickkk. I was supposed to enjoy shopping but i had like no energy, strength and mood. Like it major sucks. Nevertheless saw familiar faces :) and retarded B****.

Baby book out already and he's at home. Meeting him only like in the evening. HAHA. I wanna go town :( But i have no idea what i want to buy. And my back aches. mailto:%5E$&*#@)$&

Today is the 12th and again i hope my decision is right. Or rather, i hope nothing fails me, my expectations are up. I hope.... so please don't let me down

Preview of layying birthday,

I think i should cut my fringe already.

Oh and i really want this !!! URGHS.

I think i have nothing else better to do so i'm typing like some random maniac. HAHA.

Santa, i have been really good. More cookies and milk? Fall it down my window please.

I didn't

2008-12-10T18:57:00.002+08:00

I didn't attend SPM Test today because i was taken ill. Note: Very ill. whatever i eat or even drink, i'll just puke it out. And it sucks because i have nothing for my body to puke anymore. And i feel fucking uncomfortable. And i still got a re-test :( So sad but neverminds, i wanted to take SPM after all.

Anyway with regards to the previous post, maybe i should learn to forgive and forget. Or rather i should just learn to forget. Forgive is gonna be fucking hard. I just want to show me i'm not one to be easily triffled with. Especially when i don't given give a fuck about you at all :) Fucking boycott all you want, the more you irritate me, the faster your death would be. HUMPH.

I just don't want to make things difficult for Baby. Not because i'm lowering myself.

I have been like an 8 year old kid to Baby just now. Tee hee. Anyway, i hope this friday goes well. As a form of apology?

God, i'm fucking hungry but i can't eat. Someone save me. My tummy's rumbling and i have no strength for anything. Sentosa tommorrow ?

Yes, we are still friends. For now and Forever :) Thank you for clearing the air and we wouldn't be so awkward anymore.

I realised Christmas is around the corner and to those who still owe me my birthday present. Yours Truly shall be kind enough to reveal. (I'm jokin okay)

Nevertheless, I have been a very good girl this year so Santa please hear me :)
I'm in love with this. No doubt the price would be slashed to half due to Avril's additional 20% but i still can't buy because i'm buying something else. Heart pain. I really want this wallet :(

Hello Santa, drop this by my window because i have no chimmney. I will bring you cookies and milk.

Kiss goodbye

2008-12-06T14:01:00.006+08:00

Two papers down and two more to go. On an official note, life sucks :(

So after HBM went to find Baby. I think it was the worst weekend. I'm not gonna elaborate on the issue. I just want to comment. And if you think it isn't right, please get the hell out of my blog. I was contemplating whether to blog about my unhappiness and anger inducing the factors but i think again, this is my blog, i'm unhappy, i can't talk to anyone so why can't i rant?

Again, i think this is so much worse than a flaming Lamborghini, racing Ferrari, F1 grand prix mixed together. Seriously. You went way beyond my limits. I tried to tolerate and tolerate and not let my emotions show but i'm sorry, i'm no fucking robot. I CAN'T.

I don't give a fuck, i don't give a shit, i don't give a damn if you are brainless or brainless. It's not because i have no guts nor because i'm shallow. It's because of HIS sake i shut my mouth up. Yes, again. I think i'm quite dumb reflecting back.

I don't think there's any of my fault. Maybe being pissed. But like who in the right frame of mind wouldn't be? Like I'm not entirely your friend doesn't means you don't have to consider my feelings. Like i'm some kind of control freak?

I didn't mention anything neither did i commented anything. If it's meant to be a joke, i'm sorry i can't be brainless like you and laugh it over. I have my own fucking ego despite the fact that i'm not a guy. Like in case you are dumb enough that you can't understand?

I can't believe i let my tears drop because of this. Seriously, i have changed. And i don't like it. No wait, because my feelings are hurt i cry.

I feel so much like a wimp. I don't know what to do.

Maybe i should just fuck it and fuck care anymore. I know what is it like to be sandwiched. It's a terrible feeling. Because i have been sandwiched for so many times. Friends or him? I chose the latter.

Now, i know how the former really feels. I'm sorry.

I want to tell a story about the teardrop.

A teardrop fell from her eyes. She picked it up and asked it why. The teardrop replied her,
"Your brain's too full to occupy me, Your heart's too filled for my standing and your eyes, are too taken up by the imagery that i have no place to stand in. I have no choice but to leave".
She allowed her teardrop to fall as she thought about the only thing which stood in her teardrop's way. And the thought lit a smile on her face.

But today, her teardrop fell again, she picked it up and asked it why. Again, the teardrop replied
"Your brain, heart, eyes are too melancholic that i can't help but leave to stop being melancholic" She let the tear drop and gazed up, alone.
The thought brought more teardrops.

She is Yours Truly :)

So kiss goodbye to her
the one who used to hold everything so dear

Over :)

2008-12-05T18:32:00.002+08:00

Its over. Okays. Tlaw is over and i was fucking ecstatic but apparently when i come back home and after nua-ing i realised, HBM SUCKS TOO.

Like this is the common test period and i'm blogging more than usual. Because of the stress and severe headaches i get from the books.

Tlaw was rather fine, at least not to the extent of failing :) To me la. Haha. You might say hard work is paid off but really, too much hard work but i'm glad it's all over.

HBM is really sucking me up. Like i'm gonna die. Like i'm gonna breakdown. Like i wanna give up.

Lets see,

- What affects occupancy (Location,Branding, Pricing, Market Demand, Competition, Government rules and regulations)
- Main market segments (geographic, demographic, pyschographic, behaviouristic)
- Others (Base ad wholesale)
- Rates (corporate transient, corporate group, wholesale, consortia, promotional)

Yeah. Fuck it. I'm gonna die anyway. So please wish me a beautiful and peaceful death.

Actually, i'm going to start studying already. I hope i won't die :)

Wish me luck.

I hate you la :(

I think this is the best

2008-12-04T19:16:00.003+08:00

Tlaw is in a few hours and to be precise in merely less than 16 hours. Which is less than one day hence i didn't mention "tomorrow".

I am not done with tort because i didn't memorize. My brain sends me this signal which is like this

"Tort is MCQ, don't have to pia so hard"

So like what the hell i know. Am I'm rather stressed out so I'm venting out my frustration. And I'm thinking, it's merely common tests and we are all so fucked up. What about exams? Will i die? Ever single semester there's bound to be one killer module. For instance ATRM last sem, and now law? Not only law, hbm as well because i don't understand a single fuck except CRS and GDS combine together and VIOLAH!

I read an interesting article about a couple quarreling because of their ex-es. It sounds familiar no? I don't understand why. Maybe it's because of this that people hardly or never ever wish to mention about their ex-es.

But in my opinion, being a weirdo (yes, i know!). I rather my boyfriend talk freely about it. I'm cool with it. Everyone has their own past. I have mine too and i know those of you who know about my past know tough it was. On the contrary, if he is being too evasive, i will often think that he's not over her yet.

Maybe i would want to know because I'm nosey. Or maybe because i want to know more about him. But largely, every single female hates to admit. They want to know about their boyfriend's ex so as to make a comparison. A comparison between themselves and her(s).

No doubt i do that too but i don't let it affect the relationship. She might be a fucking hot babe with a fucking gorgeous body that every body dreams of and desire but hey, its the past already! If they have moved on then good, if they haven't then i suggest, you take a short break from him so as to let him decide. Of course, in the short break you're entitled to your own freedom rather than be at his beck and call (this is oddly familiar)

So my advice to his young girl of 17. Although she won't see it or she might never see it (i enjoy talking and evaluating to myself) and I'm not much older, but well, if he really can't decide leave him to writhe and die (i'm joking), just take a step back first. And stop demeaning yourself saying you're no better than her. You're better in her in some ways or he wouldn't have gotten together with you in the first place (even if you think you're just a buoy)

So I should really hobble back to Tlaw and bury my nose, no, my entire head into Tlaw. Baby just called and he's going to the gym :( I WANT TO GYM. And he wants a second girlfriend :( I'm just kidding. One princess that is Yours Truly is already so difficult to handle and maintain. What more two? But to think about it, what am i going to do if it happens. Cry? Kill him? Pay back? No, I don't want to know and neither does Baby, I PRESUME.

So hello to my new boyfriend - offer, acceptance, consideration and intention, frustration, duress, mistake, tort, incapacity, illegality. Re McArdle, Adams v Lindsell, Felthouse v Bindley, Carlill v Carbolic Smoke Ball Co...........

No, I need my real boyfriend :( Neverminds. Weekends are coming and all the majors would be over.

I need a hug :(

I want my fairytale

I'm fucking stuck

2008-12-03T20:33:00.002+08:00

Its so ironical that i can be okay earlier and now i just zombie back to the unhappy zone.

It should be the mugging. Yes, definitely. But i haven't really been MUGGING. Its just 3 fucking chapters down. I have 1 and a half more fucking chapters to fucking go. Why the FUCK is law so tough so tough :( Contract 3 just zap up everything.

Now, i'm also thinking of problems. It just can't stop bugging me. Its not that i don't want to say but i find it difficult to put it across.

I don't want to be a whiny and needy and useless and insecure and unhappy and grumpy and frumpy and irritating girlfriend. But fuck, i'm really at my fucking wit's end.

It's just one fucking module. And its like going to zap me of everything.

But i'm feeling better now. Maybe i should do this often.

TLaw is fucking calling for me.

FUCK YOU

u don't love me, do you :(

Happy Birthday

2008-12-03T14:14:00.004+08:00

I was kindly requested to blog by silent readers. That sounds not no right but whatever it is, for the sake of you people, i'm going to BLOG out of my hectic timings.

Law test on Friday. HBM saturday. How sad. A saturday :( Law i'm two chapters down so be proud of me in merely two hours :)

No doubt this 18th birthday wasn't a good one because of the disappointments and happenings but nevertheless, it's supposed to be a happy occasion. And i think it quite is based on the surprises.

Celebrated advanced birthday with Baby & Co on Saturday. Before that went AMK for levis jeans and to receive a bunch of blue roses and balloons from _. (They ask me not to put their names here because they don't want people to know). It was my first surprise and they made m run up and down AMK Hub. Oh, to clarify, the roses were from a bunch of people so don't worry Baby :)

Thereafter went to Baby's house and this BIG BABY don't want to wake up. &%^$!@?# ANGRY! Hahas but in the end went to IT show at expo and parking was a killer. The crowd almost make me die on the spot but nevertheless quicken to buy hard disk from Maxtor and headed back.

Went to Stonegrill for dinner. Reviews: The ambience was nice, the food was good and the company of Baby was great but one thing is being the natural tourism student, i think they should improve on the menu. So much of FABM. I think my menu's so pretty, they should use it... LIKE NOT, it's so expensive because it's so chio and pretty and heartmelting and gaze-stopping. Okays. back to topic.

After stone grill went to K. And Baby surprised me with a cake. Like i don't know how he produced the cake but i was stunned when i saw him carrying the cake. Not to mention, damn pai seh as well. He didn't get me anything but i'm perfectly cool with it. Its the thought that matters. So stop asking and stop the critics, it's not helping.

Sunday didn't do much and slacked at his place before hanging around at AMK hub again. Oh, Baby and Daddy, Mummy, Jo got me another cake. Yes, my birthday is filled with CAKES and more CAKES.

Yesterday was my actual birthday. Switched off my phone because i need to sleep and woke up to nearing 60 messages. Thanks a whole lot people for remembering my birthday :) Lay Ying & Co jio-ed me out to Bugis. Headed to SSDC with Hui Qi for BTT booking. EXCITED!!! Because of this from the initial meeting time of 5 pm we dragged to 6pm. Sorry Sorry!

Went to eat steamboat and they surprised me again. Speechless i tell you. Make up set. And i thought they didn't have time since common tests and e-learning filled up every single space. Its much appreciated to the ten of you.
Lay Ying, Hui Qi, Shu Zhen, Jia Wen, Chu Wen, Ariana, Yao Wei, Yong Liang, Donovan and most surprisingly GARRETT.

From Garrett i was only expecting maximum a message like "Hey Happy birthday, Fuck you"

HAHA.

Thanks Evonne and boyfriend for the skirt from Pull and Bear
Thanks _(people) for the bunch of flowers and the balloon
Thanks LayYing & Co for the surprise
Thanks Daddy Mummy for the ang pows
Thanks Alan for the chocolates
Thanks Edgar for the Royce
Thanks G for the notes and sparkling juice
Thanks Liz & Co for the cake which ends up in my face
Thanks everyone who messaged me, msn me, called me, comment me, pm me, blog me. LOLS.

And thanks Baby for the weekend. Though it was nothing much and nothing in particular. But thanks for being there :D And Kokmeng too (i think he was the one who bought the cake)

It may not be the best birthday and in fact i was the worse because of stuff which happened. But to those who celebrated with me, thank you for making it memorable.

I'm 18 so what's my next step? Its giving me jitters.

Pictures uplodaded after CTs.

I promise. But promises are meant to be broken. HAHA

OH YEAH! BABY BROKE THE RECORD. He sang me "happy birthday" for more than 5 times i think. Or was it more.

And to you. Fuck off :)

:(

2008-11-30T11:32:00.001+08:00

I don't think i mean anything to you.

Dec 12.

I miss the times when i was happy and laughing.

I am past

2008-11-30T03:04:00.002+08:00

Or not i think. I thought i am like past caring but fuck i'm not. It really irritates me alot. So hence, im upset.

I'm fucking tired. Today is no fucking good day.

But i know who cares for me now. Even though with ulterior motives - Jerry.

okays. I'm fucking tired and i fucking want to go to bed.

Friends

2008-11-28T20:21:00.002+08:00

Friends are like the umbrella you carry during a heavy downpour.

I'm having a sad birthday this year so please wish me to have a happy birthday. FUCK. I seriously don't want 2nd dec to come :(

Yao wei, Thanks :)

[b][c=4]・・・I・E・F・C[/c=4][/b] says:
happiness can be found even in the darkest of times when one only remembers to turn on the light haha
[b][c=4]・・・I・E・F・C[/c=4][/b] says:
so try to think positively

Although i won't turn on the light for fear of what is in store (to put it simply, i won't have expectations), thanks for cheering me up.

And friends are like the bowl of hot soup on a rainy day. So i will catch the falling star and put it in my pocket.

Peektures

2008-11-28T17:27:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was hella fun i tell you. No doubt it was eventful. Errr. I shall emphasize later :) If you promise not to laugh. Although i'm sure you would. Like me :(

Went to town with Huiqi, Layying and Shu Zhen for celebrations and K-ing sessions. all of us were laughing our heads off as we tried to search for "Happy Birthday Song" in English and dialect. It was THAT funny. Especially for the dialect because apparently, we only know like a few sentences? Surprised Lay Ying with a cake consisting of 500g of durian. Heavenlicious :) Truly lip-smacking.

K-ed to about 7, had Botak Jones for dinner. Eric, Justin, Meng Hong, Isabel, G and etc saw me but they didn't really say hi. All those familiar faces and thanks for the sms-es when you saw me instead of popping and hi-ing me. -.- SHY or SHYY? LOL*

After the superb-filling-to-the-extent-of-puking dinner, went to ROAM the streets of Orchard and take some peektures :) I will collage it and update it in another post. I hope i will be free :(

Went WheelLock and saw Gary's sis working there, she really entertained my friends -.- took more pictures of the lightings and home sweet home :) There's nothing better than home or maybe? HAHA.

This year's theme seems to be X'mas in Wonderland. I think so. Even OPI has their series of X'mas Toyland. Maybe the connection?

Having been through celebrations, there is just this celebration i really look forward to but seriously, everytime i will tell myself, don't expect anything. Anything at all. This is how sad it is and it brought my mood down to sub zero point level. I realised i have been supressing myself to not expect anything, not think about anything, but hardly i could. So i stop mentioning and quit being excited The 18th is about to be bestowed on me. And whenever i think about what i will receive, i will want to cry.

Nevertheless, i'm really trying hard to plaster the smile on my face and act as if everything's okay.

In a nutshell, for once, I'm not looking forward to 2nd december. Again, reality hit back and i realise to _, it might just be another day. Another ordinary day. I'm sorry for those i turned down but i'm just not in the mood. And thanks to those who already gave me the presents :) Much appreciated.

God be it, Its such an emo post. Of course, Yours Truly doesn't deserve what the rest deserved.

Oh yeah, my horoscope this month: By dec 12, you have to decide, to love him or to leave him. HAHA. dumb.

And i mentioned the eventful? (AHA! You haven't been paying attention to Miss Teo have you. Tsk Tsk). Okays. I.FELL.DOWN. Its fucking painful and f.disgusting. I was looking for Hui Qi and i didn't mind the step in front of me and i fell/skidded.

The first thought that came to my mind: Sit nicer.

I repeated this to them and all of them LOL-ed me. I couldn't stand up and both of us didn't know what to do. I just sat and laughed. Typical -.- It stinged alot. And both my knees are injured. I walk like a penguin :( But fortunately i'm a white penguin because my hands are long enough (okay, thats random. inside joke).

Cried last night whilst changing the dressing. It bled non-stop. From the time i fell to like now? Although it pretty much got better. From fully covered with blood now its like, abit?

Whatever it is, ITS FUCKING PAINFUL.

I didn't realise it was bleeding until either of them told me. This is just the initial. it was worse.

The wound without lightings.

The wound after lightings. It covers the entire kneecap if you can see properly. HAHA. The middle pinkish part is my fucking flesh. I didn't know until my daddy came and told me :( Its painful. Really painful. The back of my head also have but i didn't plaster it. I think its okay already :)

Tommorrow's Saturday but i don't know what are my plans :( It makes me upset. Suddenly, i am drained of everything to plan and make things turn out well. Is this bad?

Maybe the truth is that, i'm upset. Period.

So if you see me, tell me to face up to reality, even though its harsh. It will be harsh.

~~I think i have to make a decision, and make it quick~~

It's the time of the month

2008-11-25T20:38:00.003+08:00

I'm fast approaching 18. In fact in 7 days. Yes, no more faking through movies, pubs, clubs. Halfway to freedom. But come to think about it. What is freedom actually?

Does it make a difference that i'm 17 today and my birthday is the next day but yet unable to catch M18 movies or go into pubs? Do i get even more mature just after a span of one day? Because on my own birthdate would i then have the mentality and maturity of 18. That the person up there knows that day is my birthday and i automatically get mature? No?

Maybe its just the time of the month.

I was thinking. Just thinking. I have been giving too much. Maybe. Just maybe. If you were me, would you be able to do what i have done, give up what i gave up, sacrificed what i have sacrificed? I highly doubt so. Maybe i'm still young, i'm still naive, I'm still under protection that i forgot how harsh things or rather reality can be like.

This isn't enough. I need more. But how do i get more? I just feel so suppressed. I just want to be treated nicer. I just wanted to feel happy and contented. And most importantly, i want to stop holding back tears.

But sad to say, it is easier said than done.

I have no expectations anymore. Or to put things in a better mode, I don't dare to have any expectations. Yes, carry on and laugh this is how sad my life is. That i don't feel happy, contented and protected.

But whatever it is, this is my walk. Alone.

I normally cool with it BUT

2008-11-25T00:49:00.003+08:00

This time round, you stepped on my tail, you cross the boundaries, you overshot the limit, you sped even faster than a flaming lamborghini, racing ferrari, F1 grand prix all mixed up together. Yes, this was how you insulted me. And damnit, i'm not taking it lying down just like that.

I don't give a damn whether you are reading or not because you don't even have my blog address and neither will i be so cruel as to defame you. To make points clear, i just want to rant and make my stand. Period.

I have been repeating this for like 98327465 times. I am NOT requesting him to stop or quit the habit/addiction/pastime/whatever you like to call it. I am merely requesting to cut down the intake for the sake of health and longevity and to turn immortal. Yes, i'm fucking bonkers.

I know whatever shit i have got to say or whatever i want, does not make a difference. Because i have no fucking say. Because my words don't carry any weight at all. I'm just unhappy, is that a problem? I'm unhappy because in my opinion, my eyes, my thinking, my thoughts he _ alot, and i'm a bit upset that being a girlfriend, my words seemingly don't mean a thing.

I don;t give a fuck if you hate me. I'm not controlling him, i give him the liberty just that maybe it's abit over the line so i pulled it back.

If i simply don't care, you would say i'm not a good and caring girlfriend
If i do what i'm doing now, you would say i'm controlling him.

Congratulations, you are awarded the top prize in contradicting yourself :)

I wasn't stumped for words, neither did i not know how to rebut. I very nearly did if not because of him. I would. God damnit i fucking would. And its all because of him, that i kept quiet, suck everything up (which i normally wouldn't) and drag it across together with the killer heels.

And to think you call me petty. NB. So what if my pronounciation isn't fantastic? Doesn't mean whatever doesn't sounds right out from me is wrong. Goodness. At least i am able to think. And not make presumptions (i guess).

Whatever it is, i don't give a single fuck if you hate me or you don't. Because i am fucking pissed off by your fucking stupid/contradictive thinking. To think _ thought .... neverminds. And i still think what i did wasn't wrong. Because i wasn't controlling. So much thanks to you, I'm giving up. I think you guys should be pretty happy. But note. What comes around goes around. Hurhur.

[/edit]
Okays. I'm still not over that episode but lets just leave it for a moment.

Caught REC with Baby and his friends at Vivo on Saturday and traffic was a killer. The queue to carpark was tremendously "short". The show was sccarrryyyy and i fell asleep in the beginning cause i was too tired and it was kinda boring in the beginning. But guess what, once i heard the screamings i woke up and i got freaked out &*#*(*?!@. And my tears dropped. And i nearly cry for the entire movie. My hands were covering my entire face. It was the worse movie position i ever had. HAHA. Nevertheless, for those who know me and believe, i have't seen such stuff yet. Enlighten me yo!

Oh Oh. Ah ma kind of like Baby :) Weehee~ Obviously -.- visited her on Sat and Baby literally became our translator. I can't stop laughing.

Hopefully this Sat we can make it to Mt Faber, Jewelbox. I don't need a big celebration. I just need you with me :) Simple and sweet right.

Anyway, Baby's gonna be pretty free this week :( I don't like. HAHA. No la. Hopefully he don't go and talk to some chais. LOL. Aiya. Girlfriend not pretty enough :( So sad!

And Common Tests are comiinnngggg... SAVE ME!

So many celebrations. So many things to do. URGHS.

I want Samsung Innov8 :( Boohoo

PS: will update sentosa and ecp pics. Wait for it.

I'm effing tired. Law tommorow. Someone kill me?

I have nothing to say.

2008-11-24T00:04:00.002+08:00

Letter A
Are you available? No :)
What is your age? 18
What annoys you? People who thinks they are "IT" or their foreheads are pasted "I'm superior, fuck off"

Letter B
Do you live in a big house?: Its Comfortable :)
When is your birthday?: o2 Dec 1990
Who is your best friend?: You <3

Letter C
What's your favorite candy?: Like Hard candy? I don't know.
Who's your crush?: Tak Adah
When was the last time you cried?: Felt like - Just now? Actual tears - Yesterday cause of REC.

Letter D
Do you daydream? Like who don't? *I'm a mermaid*
What's your favorite kind of dog?: Siberian Husky
What day of the week is it?: Friday, Saturday - WEEKENDS

Letter E
How do you like your eggs?: Scrambled, Sunny side - i dig eggs
Have you ever been in the emergency room?: Yes
What's the easiest thing ever to do?: Laughing

Letter F
Have you ever flown in a plane?: Yeah
Do you use fly swatters?: Yeah - on an ant -.-
Have you ever used a foghorn?: Singapore isn't that foggy

Letter G
Do you chew gum?: Its banned and i'm a good citizen
Are you a giver or a taker?: Both
Do you like gummy candies?: Certain

Letter H
How are you?: I'm fine, thank you
What color is your hair?: Brown? Reddish hue? Streaks gold? (why so ah lian __)

Letter I
What's your favorite ice cream?: Chocolate, Strawberry, Sweet corn, Peppermint - i think all la.
Have you ever ice skated?: YES!
Do you play an instrument?: YES! Er hu, Gao hu, Zhong hu, Ruan and the list goes on.

Letter J
What's your favorite jelly bean brand?: No preferences
Do you wear jewelry?: Yes :) That ring and stud

Letter K
Who do you want to kill?: Him and Her.
Do you want kids?: Yes, if childbirth wasn't so painful, process wasn't so antagonizing and children are obedient *dream on*
Where did you go for kindergarten?: PAP at Simei :)

Letter L
Are you laid back?: Don't think so. What do you think?
Do you lie? Err. Duh?

Letter M
Whats your favorite movie?: Alot alot many many much much
Do you still watch Disney movies?: YES! OMG.
Do you like mangos?: Definitely

Letter N
Do you have a nickname?: Rie, Princess, Baby for him :)
What is your real name?: Carrie
Whats your favorite number?: 3 and 15
Do you prefer night over day?: Yes, because Baby can call me and its time to sleep meaning no troubles !

Letter O
What's your one wish?: To lead a happy life with no worries over money, studies, love, life, friends....
Are you an only child?: Fortunately, NOT.

Letter P
What one fear are you most paranoid about?: Many
What are your pet peeves?: Annoying me?
What's a personality trait you look for in people?: Real.

Letter Q
What's your favorite quote?: "If you ever lose your faith, look at yourself through my eyes" - Carrie (To gary) IT RHYMES LA.
Are you quick to judge people?: Pretty quick.

Letter R
Do you think you're always right?: When i think i'm right, i will fight hard for it so i'm right :)
Are you one to cry?: Kind of. Venting sadness and anger in a good way.

Letter S
Do you prefer sun or rain?: Depending
Do you like snow?: COURSE!
What's your favorite season?: Autumn and Winter :)

Letter T
What time is it?: 12.25 am
What time did you wake up?: i forgot :p
When was the last time you slept in a tent?: One thousand years ago ?

Letter U
Are you wearing underwear?: HEHE. yes -.-
Underwear or boxers?: Shy lahs. LOLS. former.

Letter V
What's the worst veggie?: CELERY (nb what good is it)
Where do you want to go on vacation?: Paris, France or maybe just Bali or Palm Island or maybe Costa Rica or like Dubai. I don't know leis.

Letter W
What's your worst habit?: Straightforward
Where do you live?: In your heart. LOL.
What's your worst fear?: Many

Letter X
Have you ever had an x-ray?: Yes :(
Have you seen the x-games?: qu'est-ce que c'est ?
Do you own a xylophone?: Nope

Letter Y
Do you like the color yellow?: At times and i will go "its a sunny yellow banana day!"
What's one thing you yearn for?: That Coach/burberry wallet. Or. Samsung Innov8. Fucksz. No la. For Baby to be fine :)

Letter Z
Whats your zodiac sign?: Sagittaurus
Do you believe in the zodiac?: Half.
Favorite zoo animal?: White tigers. Fucking chio.

Yao Wei, I read your blog okay! HAHA

I don't want my hopes dashed

2008-11-20T01:11:00.002+08:00

I have not been updating on my life. It has been quite hectic and i'm pretty lazy. So with the constant nagging, this is for you guys :)

Had spa demo today - chopsticks massage. It was fun! And i might even get to work as a therapist at Rustic Nirvana. Note: Might.

I received a pretty amount of birthday gifts already. Yes, its that advanced. And i sincerely thank all of you. From the bottom of my heart, my deepest sincerity, thank you.

And i'm very much about to buy Coach wallet :) Since Juicy fails me.

And my weekends are definitely with Baby :) Its a black-out period okay. LOL. Room rates are higher... Brain-washed by HBM. Seriously. The pay just perks my mood. It wakes me up instantly! Not only me okay!

Okays, back to topic. So we went to East Coast Park 2 weeks ago and Sentosa last week :) It was fun with such outdoor activities. At least a change of surroundings. But nevertheless, wherever it may be i'm not complaining :)

At times, i just simply feel hopeless and lost when i know he is upset but yet i can't do much. Any amount of comforting words doesn't lighten the situation. No, i don't blame him for that. On the contrary, I blame yours truly.

Words do fail me now. An utter disgrace to a person who is strong in literature. Or, who supposedly was strong in it.

I'm in no mood to blog.

My hopes aren't high

2008-11-20T00:43:00.004+08:00

Don-Sir tagged me so how can i not return the tag right? I'm born nice because i'm a mixture of sugar, spice and everything nice -.-

1. What is your full name?
Carrie Teo Wei Zhi but otherwise Rie or Princess Rie :)

2. Are you single?
No eh. Happily attached :)

3. What is your favourite number[s]?
No preference.

4.What is/are your favourite colour?
PINK la!!!

5.Least favourite colour[s]?
Dugly brown

6.What are you thinking now?
TORT. No la. SLEEP. BED.

7. Are you happy with your life right now?
Nobody will be happy. I'm satisfied.

8.What are your favourite subjects in school?
TDM.

9. Do you shop at malls?
Course!

10.Where do you wish to be right now?
Bed.

11. What should you be doing now?
Thinking of In the case law of Koh Get Kee v Low Beng Hui, the off-duty police officer who was armed shot his friend during off-duty hours. The court held that ............

12.Do you have any crush on anyone?
Nope:)

13.When was the last time you bought a clothing item?
Last week? HEHE.

14. What was the last thing you drank?
Apple Tea

15. Do you hate liars? Do you hate backstabbers?
Comment-less

16. Can you make yourself sneeze?
Ahchoo?

17. Do you fall for people easily?
People fall for me. No la. Just kidding.

18. What does your last text msg read?"
"oh,btw,the i&e teacher reply alr?" - LayYing
not yet :(

19. Are you too forgiving?
Maybe...

20.How many windows are open on your computer?
8

21.Who was your last call from?
BABY!

22.What do you do with most of your time?
Go out, sleep, chat.

23.Will you & your ex get back again?
Over my dead body :)

24.Do you sleep with the TV on?
I scared the ghost crawl out of the TV so no. -.-

25. Which of your close friends live the closest?
I don't know leis.

26.Which item could you not live during the day?
Handphone

27. Would you share a drink with a stranger?
I don't think so.

28.How was your weekend?
Fulfilling and loved.

29.Do you believe ex[s] can be friends?
Maybe just "hello, byebye"

30. The last person you quarrelled with?
My mum.

31.The way to win your heart?
errr. Make me love you ? HAHA

32.What did you do last night?
Do ECD until i almost grew wings and halo. ~~fuck~~

33. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?
No. I'm the one with the tiara who can be the same as me ? *daydreams*

34.Are you looking for a boyf/girlf?
I have one :)

35.One song that is meaningful to you?
Chain Hang Low :)

36.Do you twirl or scoop your spaghetti?
I twirl it happily.

37.Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
What if got melamine? :(

38.How long is your hair?
Long but i want it longer.

39.Do you like batman?
I prefer Cinderella, Ariel. HAHA. Batman's kinda cute with the coolness :)

40.Who was the last person who told you that they love you?
Baby :) loveyou

41.When was the last time you sang out loud?
NOW. "Pa tor yao yao ..."

42.What did you have for breakfast?
Muah Chee and Lychee Red Tea.

43.Is your birthday on a holiday?
Used to be but its COMMON TESTS. ARGGGHHH

44.Can you cook?
Yes but for Baby only. LOL

45.Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
dance camp

46.What was the reason for the last troubles you were in?
Law.

47.which do you wear more? sweats 0r jeans.
SHORTS

48. When is your birthday?
2 December 1990

49. Do you swear alot?
Curbed

50. What was your first achololic drink?
Tiger

51.Do you have any regrets?
Course

52. Who would you like to see now?
Baby :(

53.Have the cops ever come to your house?
DADDY!

54. Are you a social or anti-social person?
SOCIAL.

55.Who are your best friends?
You know who you are.

56. Ever been in love?
Be in love.

57. Ever had braces?
No eh.

58. What do you wear to bed?
Sleep wear?

59.Who was the last person who disappointed you?
_.

60. Do you trust people?
Trust the trustables.

61. Who was the first person you talk to today?
Daddy. He pulled me out of my bed :'(

62. Who was the first person who text you today?
Hui Qi

63. what was the first thing you did today?
What to wear ar....

:(

2008-11-15T01:52:00.001+08:00

I just feel so redundant.

Or maybe i shouldn't be there to take up the space.

Ifuckingfeellikecryingbutifuckingcantcausepeoplewillaskmefuckingdumbquestionswhichifuckingdon'twanttofuckinganswerasiseenofuckingpoint.

fuck off?

:)

2008-11-09T12:54:00.002+08:00

Created by OnePlusYou

Am i a priority or an option.

2008-11-06T20:01:00.007+08:00

Baby will be booking out soon but i don't think i'm meeting him today. Moodless i guess.

I'm starting to think. Am i a priority or an option? Am i irreplaceable or replaceable. Am i indispensible or dispensible?

Because i'm not as good-looking, i don't deserve better.

Really. It has been just so long... That i'm on the verge of giving it up.

~~iloveyoudoyou?~~

Pictures of You, Pictures of Me, combines and it forms - Happy Family

2008-11-05T20:45:00.008+08:00

Baby's on outfield at some ulu place. Even with the advanced technology, its impossible to reach him. Simply because handphones aren't allowed :( At this modern time and day and age and era, whatever have you, handphones aren't a luxury but a necessity. Agree? HAHA.

So i haven't heard his voice for like 3 days nearing 4? The time period seem to relatively short but i miss him. An undeniable fact. And because i was super ill, i didn't send him a message before he left :( I very want to but, sighs, lets not elaborate. Thinking about it makes me depressed. And Allen was mocking at my stupid face when i happily replied her that Baby's outfield ends on Thursday -.- Happy cannot meh~

Nevertheless, these past few days were quite packed. So i was quite tired out and i could actually fall asleep during the short 5 mins break during HBM lecture. This is how tired i get from school :( Oh oh oh. And Obama won today :) I support him because of some unknown instinct reasons. Hopefully, this would lighten the economic crisis as i forsee 2009 to be bad, very bad. Lesser spending and pulling purses tight.

Things happened between the both of us if readers are interested. I'm not gonna say what or why. Leave it to enigma and only the close few knew what happened. It's kond of painful to be stuck in between your close friend and your boyfriend and yet have to pacify both sides. Sometimes i really feel that i'm running out of strength to tackle all this stuff. And i all i feel like doing is to rant and to let out my steam or just curl out somewhere and be silent. But to my friend, could you let me do what i think is right? No?

I don't know if he's reading my blog. Maybe yes, maybe no. Actually, it doesn't really matter. HAHA. If he sees what i posted for him, good. If not, then too bad. So don't ask me, "does gary read your blog?" I'm not him so i don't know.

And again, this is an apology post. Yes, i'm always doing something bad. I'm sorry Baby. Sorry for what i said and how i acted on that Sunday. Seriously, i didn't want it but i got too upset. And Sorry for what happened last weekend. Neither of it was entirely yours to be blamed for. But yet, i acted in such a way.

Perhaps i was too selfish to consider only my feelings all the time. I forgot that you too, would get tired and just want to laze around. I forgot that you too, need time to ponder over your thoughts. Sometimes i just get too caught up with trying to spend time with you that i forgot, you need your own space.

Although its hard to understanding at times, hard to be fine, hard to be dependent on myself. And sometimes, i get disappointed because i get too little of you. But i think i can manage. All i need is that bit of attention, that security, that love. It sounds a lot i know. HAHA.

You're not the perfect boyfriend. Neither are you the sweetest, most romantic or whatever. But what more can i ask for when you already tried to give me your all? Maybe this is just sufficient. I don't need ample to be happy, sufficient would suffice.

I asked you if you think we can last. Both of us shrugged our shoulders and you said its up to me. Seeing things now, i think i'm the troublemaker and you, the peacemaker. Sorry Baby :( Although i do hope this would last but nevertheless, the future is always a question mark, definitely an uncertainty. Hence the saying, tomorrow remains a mystery that's why life is full of surprises. I'll try to make this work.

Whatever it is, unless fate forbids, trust me when i say i'll be there. When you get tired of running, turn around and i'll be by your side cheering you on. When you lose faith, picture yourself in my eyes, and you'll see the elite in you. When you're upset or down, i'll cheer u up with my never ending stupid actions and dumb jokes. When you need a shoulder or a listening ear, you can count on me. When life's starting to be a drag, a warm hug would lighten your load:)

For every single moment or thing i pissed or upset you, im sorry. It wasn't on purpose. I haven't been a very good girlfriend, this is a fact i know. Whatever it is, you were always the peacemaker, very unlike me. Or rather, The exact opposite of yours truly. Thanks love :)

data="http://www.oneplusyou.com/bb/files/countdown/countdown.swf?co=0099FF&bgcolor=FFFFFF&date_month=11&date_day=06&date_year=1&un=BABY'S OUTFIELD ENDS !&size=normal&mo=11&da=06&yr=2008" width="250" height="80">

So cute right. Thursday is commmiiinnnggggg....

And my birthday is coming in like 3 more weeks and I'll officially be EIGHTEEN. That magical number which allows me to do whatever i want. Errr. Okay la. Not everything but MOST. Although under the law i'm still an infant/minor. HAHA. It sounds abit wwwrrrooonnnggg. Whatever, i can sue you but it doesn't make me very happy. Okays, i'm talking to myself, AGAIN.

I received my first birthday present. Yeah. Its super duper early but thanks Clara! And Grace wanted to purchase couple lab vouchers for me and *. Haha! Damn funny when she sound so dejected over the phone. My birthday still long la please.

I told Daddy i want that pink volkswagen beetle and he told me, "I think the toy shop is just round the corner" :( Neverminds. Daddy, just get me either

1. Sony's PINK Camera, or
2. Coach Wallet, or
3. an Ang Bao filled with cash amounting to 500 bucks.

Carrie, stop dreaming. HAHA. Why Coach not LV right? Cause Coach is "C", ITS MY GOD DAMN INITIALS. And its cheaper :) Okays. Its time for me to wake up. But i really want either of the options :( Neverminds, i shall SAVE. For now, dream on, Carrie.

I'm not intending to celebrate my birthday lavishly. There were debates on chalet or hotel but NO. Because, i don't like. In the end people would be fighting over space and i feel bad if i do leave out people. No?

And i want to go on the flyer. BADLY. FLYER FLYER CARRIE WANTS TO GO ON SINGAPORE FLYER.

Okays. I need some media therapy. Some pictures i edited.

The people who play a part in my life :)

And of course, the love of my life.

我要的幸福很简单-我只要你爱我:)

Love is love when it incorporates the five tastes - sweet, sour, bitter, salty.

Clarification

2008-11-02T22:12:00.004+08:00

I think this is gonna be a long post because i have yet to be updating this space of mine. Now, i need to clarify certain things.

Firstly, if anyone from TR01 is reading this. I need to clarify something. That particular blog post wasn't just pin pointing at anyone. Yes, i have my certain displeasure regarding this and that, she and him. But i don't take it personally. What i meant was just that i feel fucking unfair to my friends and I. Hence, the post.

Look, we have been taking her/them ever since we can choose our project mates. Don't fucking deny. Perhaps it isn't all the time or every single fucking time. But still, majority, we took her/them. I'm sure most of you would agree.

Hence to say, the T.Law grouping just ignite my already burning flame to a more exaggerated extent. I know you fucking don't want her/them but it doesn't means we are okay with it. Or that we don't mind. Accepting them doesn't means we are simply some nua nua fucking pushovers. No, its harder than that.

It was the fucking attitude that it was for granted we should take her/them. Seriously. This is the fucking matter which fucked us up so badly. We aren't fucking scapegoats? Why can't we fucking share this fucking matter together? Seriously, don't just take it for granted that someone (WE) will accept this and voila. Fucking no?

[/edit]

Whatever it is. At least things were "cleared". I suppose. I'm sorry to whoever i offended. But come to think of it, the starting point of this. Neverminds.

Anyway, i'm officially sick. 2 drips 2 nights. I'm always sick. Tsk.

I'm so into bling-ing now. Ds Lite is bling-ed. Mouse is bling-ed. What's next. HAHA. And its super duper CHIO i tell you. DS is so blinding i think i can see it like 9324894357 miles away?

Baby's out on outfield. I miss him.

I'm too sick/sad/tired/lazy/retarded/nothing to blog.

Tomorrow :D

Losers is spelt as L-O-S-E-R-S

2008-10-27T11:56:00.003+08:00

I don't know what the hell is going on right now but i feel that i ought to fucking know. There's no use in speaking things behind my back. Seriously. I heard, i felt, i saw the fucked up things going on. And all those stuff wasn't true.

Whatever lahs. And i'm still sick. NB.

will blog soon.

Verge of death

2008-10-24T22:58:00.004+08:00

I'm. Dead. Tired.

Maybe because i fell ill ~~again~~. I can't pull myself out of bed this morning to attend school. The alarm was snoozed 9382749 times when i finally dragged myself out from my bed. School's starting to get very hectic already :(

My energy is zapped already seriously. I'm too tired to actually think of things or bother to question about anything. Actually, i'm pretty frustrated now >.<

Oh yeah. Please don't say like "I have lesser sleep than you" or stuffs like that. Because, i can't fall into a pretty much deep sleep as you :(

I'm fucking tired. I want to go to bed. NOW.

SO LEAVE ME ALONE. thismeansdon'tcallmedon'tsmsmedon'tmsnmedon'tfindmedon'twhateverokay?

[/edit]
Its Saturday.

Meeting stupid boyf for lunch. Idk why is she near my area. My nose is gonna fall off soon, 3,2,1. its irritably uncomfortable. And my wonderful boyf didn't answer my call :( What a good boyf. HAHA. So i'm lunching with my sister because BOYF I'M TOO HUNGRY ALREADY.

I feel something's missing. Passion? And this isn't good. I can be so non-chalent but why am i still _. (i can't think of any noun/verb/adjective/adverb)

Okays. I'm super irritated.

And to add on, I'm hungry. I have said this like 923785 times. And my nose is gonna fall off. This explains my irritation i suppose.

I think i rather die la. #&#*(^@

And no gym/badminton tomorrow. TUTORIAL TUTORIAL TUTORIAL. na beh

This suck BIG TIME.

2008-10-21T22:46:00.003+08:00

This suck. And it really sucks big time.

I was really pissed off this morning in school by some people (I shall not practice name calling). Okay. I know for the fact that nobody wants extra work. Neither does anyone wants to feel as thouhg their guts are coming out from their mouths which lead to a bloody death. So why do you just shove it down to us every fucking single time?

Its not our fucking duty to take them in. Nor is that our fault that we have a bigger clique. Since this is a project, then why are we put at such a disadvantage. You guys don't want means don't want. So we can't do anything but act like some pushovers la. This has been going on all the time. Please don't tell me you have worked with her, we are the ones working with her most of the time okay so please don't compare because you would just be so insignificant in comparison.

I speak of things directly in him/her/their fucking face and not being like some backstabbers. Act to be alright with the person superficially but behind him/her/them say bad stuff. This does not make you superior, this only helps you to invite trouble. Or maybe to you, you think that its something easy to solve because as long as you don't kena her everything is fucking fine. For this i seriously salute you with two slaps on each cheek. Well. Nearly. So if you have any things you're fucking unhappy with, say it right out.

Please don't try to be sarcastic. I seriously don't like it. And please don't step on my toes, i just want to live my life low profile-ed. The more i think of it, the more pissed off i get. Don't fucking say the world's unfair so nothing's fair. This is way beyond unfairness.

If i get this again, it would be the fucking final straw.

Anyway. I don't think i will blog soon again so Happy Birthday Yao Wei :)

BUT. Why do such people even exist? I'm peeved. I'm already being very tactful for not writing the names down and for speaking so kindly in the beginning. But my tolerance has its limits.

But whatever it is, I'm glad to have someone there :) I realised it has been a while since peektures are up so here's some of them. Not in any sequence. I'm effing tired >:(

During the F1 season. Ready. Get Set. GO!!!!!

I know the last picture scared you but i don't care la. HAHA. Its Wednesday already. Weekends are coming right up.

I need my beauty sleep in order not to stay hideous. Nights people:)

And nights Baby. I love you :)

Its been a long while.

2008-10-20T23:12:00.002+08:00

It has been 8 days since i last blogged. Yawns. Pretty busy and tied up with stuff.

Glad to say 30% of SPM is gone :) Business tourism was an utter success and it felt great! Although i discovered one irritating girl from the Year 1 and i almost felt like gorging her eyes out. But no. I'm cultured. And it opened my eyes to the kind of pretigious school student's attitude. I was seriously wow-ed at their ability to be able to act almighty and stuff. When obviously, they are plain Janes.

And speaking of this. I realised there's like almost no mutual respect in my course. Seriously. If you want people to go to your booths and make everything stay in plan. Do it back to the others. And not, forgoing what we are trying to say, eating into our rest time, not hosting us like how we hosted you and making a fool out of yourself/himself/herself. And i thought all of us are adults. So this is how adults act. Ahhh. Now i finally grasp WHY.

But whatever it is, its one project down, counting on to Open House :) Its gonna be a mad house again but somehow, events are the thing that drives me on. I think i'm crazy to love to be busy. At least i die of being tired out rather than being bored to death. This sentence structure seems to be quite wrroonnnggg.

The modules this sem are more tourism based which is a good thing but modules like Tourism Law requires a great depth of understanding. I'm getting used to terms like doctrine of precedent, tort and etc. I think i will enjoy TDA and SPM a lot a lot a lot.

But this is the time whereby i wished it was still the holidays cause i can wake up at any time i like. I'm literally dragging my feet which then dragged my body and then dragged my mind to school.

Weekends were again spent with boyfriend. Was supposed to head to town or sthg or another with the girls on Saturday afternoon but because of certain things, i didn't go. HAHA. Met up with Baby then had dinner, walked around and went for movie - Tropic Thunder.

Same thing for this movie, I don't really like it because the hilarious parts are only that few and with the repetition of it, it gets boring. Especially since i ~~freaked out~~. But nevertheless, the company was good but i was too tired to smile. Since my heels were taking my life away. Yes, it hurts that badly.

And my juicy wallet went up to smoke. $%^#!@(*^%# I super want it but after three tries, i give up already. I'm looking at Coach. Cause its "C" and it stands for Carrie! Why am i so lame -.- But whatever it is, i need a new wallet. TSK!

Baby's HOMESICK. I don't think hes gonna read this. HAHA. But well. I support you Baby! Weekends are approaching fast! YAY!

Okay. i need some television therapy. shall blog soon.

我只要

2008-10-12T22:34:00.002+08:00

我只要快快乐乐度过每天。我的要求会太过分吗？

心真的痛到极点。想公制眼泪也力不从心。

My birthday is still far away so don't ask me what i want. Because i just want to be happy. I just want to be happy.

Why Tell me WHY

2008-10-10T22:04:00.000+08:00

Explain to me to the greatest, nitty gritty detail why. Why am I always left like this? It's so fucking disheartening.

Why is life so hectic? Does this only happen in Singapore? Sometimes I feel 24 hours a day is sufficient but more often than not, I feel 24 hours isn't enough at all. Life's seem to be routine-ed. Work. Play. Date. Sleep. Eat. Drink. It’s the same old fucking vicious cycle. No matter how much fun life is now. One day, it would just get boring. And good heavens, by that time you realised you have half of your lifetime to spend. To spend in the same old cycle.

I took in gulps of the night's serenity. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale again. Exhale again. But with so many things running through my mind, I feel my breathing to be more of sighing. Every exhalation is an exclamation of tiredness, despair, disheartened, upset all mixed into one big bubble.

Everyone has got hopes and expectations. Everyone. I want to be a fucking doctor. I want to be a fucking millionaire. And we pay dearly for that. We pay with half of our lifetime slogging our fucking guts out. To the extent, we almost had no childhood in comparison. How many of us actually remember our childhood as being fucking carefree. No. What we remember is the fear which grip us when we forgot to - say - bring a pencil to meet our K2 teacher. Pathetic. So fucking pathetic.

So I ask myself in the lonesome serene night, what am I living for? But too bad, life's like this. What else can I do but suck it up and go through the London Bridge. Claim that I lead a pathetic life? Look at yourself, your life's pretty pathetic as well. Don't give me shit u have the bestest friends or the most wonderful boyfriend. Seriously. At any point, you will feel exactly like me.

I desperately need to go meditate, hibernate whatever. And ~~i need my assurance too~~ Mr. Boyf.

To heck with that. I'm still living the sad life in a sad life but I fucking don't sympathize myself. And even if I do weep, I will weep in the embrace of the silent night. Thank You Very Much.

F-U-C-K

2008-10-09T23:43:00.002+08:00

I'm fucking pissed off. Seriously. Cannot tahan. And all i can do is scold FUCK FUCK FUCK. Sounds so wrong right. BIMBO SHIT.

I'm fucking tired la. Fucking busy.

#$^&^$#!

You fucking suck.

Do away the cliche

2008-10-01T03:50:00.002+08:00

Peopl say Big girls don't cry. A way to console someone, or rather themselves.

Been up to my neck lately. With the spate of things going on, i hardly can keep my sanity going on strong though i know i have to. But many a time, i feel like just throwing everything and live in a secluded planet.

Yes, i know. You must be thinking something's wrong with me again. In a way, Yes but in another, No.

Because of "big girls don't cry". I withheld every ounce of unhappiness any drop of tear within the great wall of mine. Its tough having to pretend everything's okay when you're not. The only solace you can find is the four great walls or the bed. Accompanying it, lonely nights of silence.

Things hasn't gone wrong, not yet. But i'm tired already. Can i finish running this race? Or rather, can you just stop zapping me of my energy already? I'm very tired. Really tired. I'm tired to be that ever cheerful personality, tired of being the strong pillar, tired of being understanding and every nitty gritty thing. Because, i don't get my rewards. Because, i don't get what i deserved. The other way round, I got even more stuff to handle.

I keep myself upbeat and entertained all the time. And i tell you, its tough. Its tough to keep your spirits up when you're down. When you really needed a listening ear, it so happens that only your favourite soft toy is available and you communicate only to yourself. When you really need a hug, it so happens the only object you can hug is still your favourite soft toy.

Moving on, all i needed was some kind of assurance. I'm sick of telling myself to THINK positively. So much that my head hurts. Its splitting already. I pride myself on this, "I don't need many to love me, I just need one". At times, i really feel alone. Like now.

Neverminds. Its okay. By tomorrow i would still be the Masked-Carrie.

But i tell you, it hurts.

and then,

Big girls do cry, big girls like me.

I wonder how is it like to live and bask in happiness all the time. I really wonder how it feels like.

Sad to say

2008-09-28T14:55:00.002+08:00

Weekends are approaching to a close again. By and by soon, school will then reopen and all the junk would come flooding in. I was just starting to enjoy my holidays! Ugh.

Work at F1 booth is a TOTAL DISASTER. First up, flyer distributor. I mean we weren't "hired" or "supposed" to give out dumb car stickers/decals. I was damn fed up with the job. I thought we were supposed to mingle, chit chat about Singapore GP season. I kind of regret doing this ambassador thingy but i have to say Clarke Quay was really worth the experience. Oh well. Good and Bad. And i'm not working today. Pffftt. We should just go on a strike :) It makes me happier.

Whatever it is. I'm happy to get it over and done with already. I'm looking forward to Wednesday :) Although the company of the people was uber fantastic. And and and the many faces i saw. It was super embarassing in the race ambassador attire but it was great to see so many familiar faces.

- I made an ang moh banged his head against a lamp post. (This isn't my fault)
- Some stupid small ah beng walked past me one thousand times and over and asked me for my number (so lame -.-)
- Someone called gary tried to flirt with me but i have my own gary :)

Weekends spells meeting up with my boyfriend :D Friday after work went looking for Baby and yesterday Baby came to my booth to wait for 8.45pm to finally drragggg by. Watched painted skin. Its boring. Seriously. Its gore not thriller not horror. Its damn damn fucking disgusting. YUCK. But whatever it is. I still enjoy weekends with him.

The abercrombie and fitch shirt has arrived. The cuts are deliberately there, it isn't used nor worn nor second hand item please. I happily imported it causing a huge huge hole in my wallet. I should have listened and opted for the wallet. But neverminds. I like it. Hopefully he likes it too :)

I have peektures to post. I know i owe quite a number. I want to edit what. Ya carrie just stop procrastinating. Tsk.

Baby's playing basketball now. I'm waiting for him now. But i think i'm going to fall asleep now. I feel so pigged now. So how now brown cow?

So brown cow told me to go and sleep. My head is splitting like crazy.

So i am confused

2008-09-26T23:11:00.002+08:00

This shouldn't be the way i'm thinking now but apparently it is. I feel so dumb. I really do. I don't see whats the use of _ anymore.

I hate the fucking emptiness i feel. I just want to curl up and cry fucking loudly.

you don't understand. you won't understand. you don't bother to.

i'm washing my hands off and then give up :)

i'm tired already.

Weekends Excitement

2008-09-24T14:39:00.002+08:00

Or should i say double happiness. I'm super looking forward to the weekends. Although i look forward to every weekend but this weekend is much more special. Yes, The F1 Week!

I'm giving out freebies which are F1 souvenirs by the STB (Singapore Tourism Board). So if you guys want, come down to Orchard MRT on Friday, Sat and Sun, 5-9pm. Give me a message if you're interested because i will leave the nicer ones for you! I'm such an angel. *pukes*

Not forgetting. Baby's booking out!! Estatic! I'm skipping the chalet to accompany him so hope you girls don't mind :) I know i have cancelled many many times BUT it has been like 12 days since i last saw him and we only have less than an hour a day or sometimes less than half an hour or 20 minutes or 10 minutes? Pretty sad case right. But its okay. I'm getting used to it. Although i have got to admit, i mgiht be pretty upset but this is something without choice. Oh well, weekends more stuff to talk about :)

* is under probation. ** is going to jail. I'm sorry to hear the news but please turn over a new leaf. Cheerup girlies, they would be fine. Time would just fly past. La kopi sessions stopped already as everyone's not in the mood. No one has the mood to go out. Brace up people :) Life still goes on. I bet they would be happier to know that we are living life to the fullest whilst waiting for them.

Has the magic of love died down? I can't help but be upset at the thought of vanishing love.

and sometimes, it hurts so much that i start to cry.

Stop Trying to Think You're the Centre of The Universe

2008-09-22T21:28:00.002+08:00

Yes. You. Simply. You.

Stopactinglikesomefucktardshitandthinkyou'rethecentreofeverythingbecauseyou'resimplyhellnot.

IfuckingdespiseyouandIdon'tknowhowthefucktoexpressitout.Everythingpiledontomeandyoudid

nothingandstandatyourfuckingcornerandlaughyourassoff.It'sfunnylookingatushardatworkisn'tit?Ifuckingwanttoslapyoustraightinyourfaceasshole.Everyone'sbusywiththeirownscopeandyou'relike

fuckingidling.I'mfuckingnofuckingpleasedtofuckingseeyoushakeyourfuckinglegandseeusburrowing

inthefuckingmountainouswork.Youfuckingactasifyou'resomefuckingbigshotwhenyou'renotfuckingin

charge.Likeyou'renottheinchargesodonotactsmartanddowhatyouaren'tsupposedtodo.Nobodyasked

youtotakedownthefuckingminutesandfuckingsendtotheHead.LikeHello?Useyourfuckingbrains. Everything'slikenotfuckingfinalisedsodon'tactsmartactcleveractintelligentandsendandlandusallinto

somedeepfuckshityoufuckingretard.

I. Don't. Know. Why. Am. I. Typing. Like. This. I. Think. I'm. Fucking. Pissed. Off.

You. Know. Who. The. Fuck. You. Are.

[/edit]

I can't stand him/her. SERIOUSLY. URGHS.

I hate late night La Kopi sessions already. I'm tired !!!!!!!!!

I MISS MY BABY!

AND BONG!

Singapore River Festival Opening Launch

2008-09-20T15:29:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was a fun filled day. Woke up as early as six in the morning to get prepared for SPM project presentation. Talk about Holidays. But at least its a project off our minds when school reopens :) I was super scared presenting to half the cohort. Or lesser. But still, i managed to get through it !

After presentation headed to AMK for food. Chatted like crazy and i hurried to photo shoot. It was nothing seriously. Just pending for some stuff. Then headed home got a change of bags and rushed down to Clarke Quay.

Met Rachel, Kah Eng and Bang Hao. My apologies for making you guys wait. Had a quick dinner and headed to the site.

The uniform doesn't sucks that badly. Its still an okay. HAHA. Stood like vases for a few hours. Ushering people in. And also the Minister of trade and information. Photographs were taken and it shall be posted in a jiffy.

The perks of working in this event isn't about the allowance earned. Its more of the experience you get. It was really really fun. We were invited to this party with free flow alcohol. Which sadly, I didn't touch. What's more, we were invited on the river taxi for free. The scenery and views were absolutely breath taking. And we were like some random tourist shouting "HI!" and waving out hands frantically. And being a true Race Ambassador, we shouted Welcome to Singpore GP Season!!! in front of the crew camera and to tourist alike.

Oh yeah. Because of our "costumes", photographs were requested especially by tourists and this Ang Moh came up to me and said, "The guys look great, but you girls look even better". I had a good kick out of it.

Clarke Quay and Boat Quay is pretty super familiar to me, but yesterday's event was truly a hype. I never regretted joining the race ambassadors.

Baby didn't book out this weekend due to _. I'm not very happy. Or rather, I'm quite upset. But there's nothing that can be done. I'm not upset not angry nor angry with him. Neither do i sound upset because i believe if i do sound upset, Baby would behe would be guilty and he would be even more unhappy. So Kudos Baby! Its just one weekend. I'm waiting for your next bookout :)

Pictures up like tomorrow ?

I promise.

The two shirts which cost me a large bomb ARRIVED. AUTHENTIC ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH. I'm a fucking happy girl :)

The best thing about me, is You

2008-09-16T12:23:00.009+08:00

I got back my results. And i got super shocked with it. I even got daddy to double check it for me. Luck, perhaps? And i realised, i enjoy talking to Garrett because we are in the same frequency.

Garrett: Fuck
Garrett: You
Garrett: Fucking Fuck You
Carrie: I'm still a virgin
Garrett: Fuck the Fucking Shit out of you
Carrie: THANK YOU. I don't want to get fucked by you please.

HAHAH.

SPM project is currently underway and i hope it would be a success. It's quite tough thinking of relating golf to business and trying to make it practical. But nonetheless, this is a challenge undertaken :)

Been up to F1 race ambassador's briefing and recently, the Singapore Water Festival. Hyped about the event, unhyped about working again. For the latter event, we are going to be at cClarke Quay. Again. I broke my vows already. The first with Baby and the second one with this event. I vowed not to step into CQ or BQ for 3 months at least. Depressing. He really made me detest the place which i often frequent in the past. TSK. Whatever, its all over :)

Sometimes i really wonder why isn't out class bonded. Bad bad. Is this the case for Poly life or ? Well, as we get older and older, we find ourseleves with even lesser friends than before. I guess this is quite true. In time to come, when you get married to your work, most of your time is on your career and you are always on the go to oil it to perfection. Then, you're married to the love of your life. You go home everyday and bask in each other's company on top of making time for work. Socializing doesn't seem so important anymore with the insufficient 24 hours a day on hand. Not forgetting, your parents, your kids or pets (if any) catching your attention. Plus the millions of bills coming in - life is tough, tough life. It sucks but we can tide over it with a straw. Irony isn't it.

Anyway, Baby didn't book out on Friday but Saturday. Went over to his place in the afternoon and we ~~quarrelled~~. Badly. But well, everything's resolved now. Its just a simple misunderstanding. A surprise gone awry. Nevertheless, its all sunshine after the rain and i'm glad.

Baby, don't think too much. You're sufficient already :) Training has been tough i know. They call you cockroaches but don't ever give up, just take care of yourself. Though in NDU, they don't call you entirely in NDU unless you survive their fucking hell week, then you're elite. But don't worry, whenever you lose faith, strength and courage, stop and look at yourself through my eyes - you're still the elite :)

He got caught for _ and he might get _. DEPRESSED. I won't be angry unless of course, you lie to me. That is a death sentence.

Well, Some ah peks(picture) to post :)

Number 4 :)

At Cathay. Whilst waiting for decision.

AMK Kpool. My shirt reads: I don't Care. FUCK THAT SHIT

My attire for the day :) 07 Sept

BONG AND ME!

Our fairytale :)

Love, I don't want anything. All i want is for you to be by my side :)

[/edit]

and something for laughs
Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr. in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Men were born between the legs of a woman,
yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....
Why?
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?
MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's aHISterectomy.

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'

Its worse than a rollercoaster ride

2008-09-12T00:12:00.004+08:00

[/edit]
I'm not feeling any better. I feel worse. I hate the medicine to the so damn core! At first it was like just any sore throat, then at night. I started throwing up, started to get dizzy spells. I turned as white as sheet and i visited the doctor. again.

Now, i think i'm turning worse. I'm cold and hot at the same time. I feel like sleeping but i can't sleep. My throat seems like Sahara desert. I can't speak in my normal tone.

I pissed myself off together with Baby last night. I think i caused the misunderstanding. So if you're reading this. I want to apologize to you.

Firstly, I have no intention of doubting you in any way or another. I was pissed, or rather peeved by the calls i got. I knew i threw my tantrums at you. But i just couldn't control my emotions well i suppose. I got angry and i think you might have mistaken this as me suspecting you did something behind me or whatsoever. But here, i claim. I didn't have that thought. I just keep wondering why ask me to be careful. Be careful of what? What's to be careful about? Why the engima?

Hopefully, this misunderstanding could be resolved later tonight. I need to explain to you. Afterall, time has been as little as a grain of sand for us. And you're not booking out today :(

So officially i claim, This friday suck.

I'm sick but Happy :)

2008-09-11T20:23:00.002+08:00

It's thrifty Thursday today. Okay. It's not thrifty since i have spent 83746523 bucks today. exaggeration.

So today's itnerary: Home - AMK - Zoo - AMK - Home. So interesting right ? Tsk.

Left home and met Lay Ying. She told me she'll be late for 10-15 mins but i waited for 20 mins or more. I very nearly bought 8days. Lucky Lay Ying. Hurhur. Waited for 138 which took like lightyears to come and off we go to the zoo ! Yao Wei met us there and i caught him - SLEEPING. Aha.

Zoo's journey pretty exciting. I don't see the need for you guys to buy paper bags or masks when out with me lorhsz. Really so pai seh meh ? And and and I watched the ANIMAL SHOW. The seal and penguins are so freaking *&$%#?! cuuuttteeee. I think i should just volunteer myself. HAHA. With Hui Qi's encouragement.

Since it would be a damn super long post if i were to blog everything in words. I would leave the excitement till i got the peektures from Yao Wei who is Supposed to be the Photographer BUT at the sight of a hideous monkey, he got turned off whilst saying "eeyer, so UGLY". But in the end he resumed his post. HAHA.

Classic 1
C: I'm NOT going into the SCALY encounters.
H: I also. *sat beside me*
L+S+Y: *already going in* Go lah.
H: *betrayed me* Went
C: *Went off too*
C: I don't want to be the last *grabbed Yao Wei's sleeve*
And in the end, in the scaly encounter i was holding tight onto Lay Ying's arms and i got freaked out by this cute monkey which ran along me with a distance of about 10m or less ? I survived the scaly encounter because i only saw 2 monkeys and 1 tortoise. No scaly stuff!!! They were laughing like crazy at me :(

Classic 2
S: Eh. Baboons doing *ahem*
C+H+L: Where?
C+H: Orhs. Really leis!
L: WHERE?
C+H: Really lorhsz. So obvious.
*baboons finish their job*
C+H: Don't have already
L: *suddenly* I still haven't see a single baboon leis.
This is really LOL scenario.

And i learnt stuff.

1. Elephants flap their ears cause it's HOT!
2. Elephants Don't eat Humans. (Mummy lied to me :( -.-)
3. Giraffes are born at the height of 1.8m ( ^#%$&@^$)
4. I still find ostrich dumb and hilarious because they still don't understand that even by burying their heads in the earth, they can't see anything but because their bums are so huge, enemies can still see them.
5. It is advisable to stop leaping and singing Madagascar with my clique around:( (entertainment ma)
6. Find a place to rest or suffer the consequences
7. Go to the zoo when you're young.
8. Always make Yao Wei snap peektures from a hidden angle to be able to not pay for the photos.

I'm having a sore throat. And i think my voice is getting wayy disgusting...

And no. The more i think, the more i am not okay. I'm sorry.

The finishing line seems so far that i feel like giving up already.

虽然我愿意

2008-09-09T22:55:00.001+08:00

请让我靠近你轻轻对你
说别让我每个夜为你受折磨
是多么不容易才默默放手

为了我就当作这次为了我
别让我因为你被回忆折磨
而空气凝结了我们的脸孔

我别无选择

就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你
虽然被放弃
虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
心碎人孤寂
虽然我愿意
心还想着你

再让我靠近你轻轻对你说
当我说我要你从此好好过
是真的否则我怎么肯放手

为了我就当作这次为了我
赐给我你现在幸福的笑容
别让恨冻结了我们的脸孔

请你做选择

就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你
虽然被放弃
虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
心碎人孤寂
虽然我愿意
心还想着你

I can spell HAPPY

2008-09-08T14:51:00.002+08:00

It's Monday. Day One of torture for Baby. But its just FOUR days. It's gonna be as quick as a flash of lightning. Maybe i got so used to it that it doesn't really seem to bother so much. At least we have tonnes and tonnes of stuff to gossip/chat/bitch about (: Absence does makes the heart grow fonder.

Next monday is our 3rd month (: Time really flies lorhsz. LOL. Happy Happy girl so i learnt how to spell H-A-P-P-Y. -.-'''

This weekend seemed to be a tad stifling and Baby's not really happy. Neither am i.

Friday was supposed to meet after his bbq but i got du-lan-ed and cancelled off but we still meet up in the end cause he miraculously ended up at my void deck. Thanks baby (: Spent a while together and headed separate ways. Actually, before that i was peeved. kwa kwa

Sat met him and cooked some unagi rice for him. His friend came a while later and i got bored. So i sat alone at the living room/kitchen with a black face and a stupid attitude. I think he got my drift and we went out in the evening. He's not happy because of certain reasons like the timing and stuff. But well, life IS life. So make full use of it!

Played pooled on sat and i suck. Seriously. 7 fucking balls. I know some of you find it hard to believe but this is how sucky i got and deterioated. My eye hurts ): Then went off at 10.30 to fetch his mum. His car was super FAR and we got drenched. And as usual, i nearly fell. I'm wishing for a day where i can live normally. Meaning no falling down, injury etc. &^#%#$ But i volunteered violently that i want to get his car together with him. 有福同享，有难同当。

Yesterday was a sucky day. I blew my top at my mum and dad. I don't know what the fuck is going on. urghs. Whats over is over.

So my weekend is partly ruined :(

PS: Baby said to bring me to chinese gardens on friday. HAHAHA. i'm crazy.

I love you (:

Today isn't a good day.

2008-09-07T01:40:00.004+08:00

Mummy's birthday! I meant yesterday. So Happy Birthday Mummy! Although your incessant nagging pisses me off with your menopausal mood swings and we often get involved in a heated argument, i still love you many many many much much much :)

Today is Saturday. But it isn't a good day. First, I woke up super early and i'm tired. Because i have washed up and stuff, i can't fall back to sleep. So i'm effing effing tired. Thank god for concealer, foundation, make up in general. Or i would look like some zombie whose gonna invade Earth and the police would just catch me and throw me into some place where i get de-zombified. I'm thinking too much.

Afternoon met Baby. I was pretty bored -.- But thanks to Aly Aly Ong who pei-ed me for so looonnnggg. I hope you're feeling better Aly Ong! All of us are macam on the same boat i guess. Maybe all of us should just don't care. In this way, we don't have to ponder and mull over this and that. In this way, we can live in our own happy lives. I think my world would then be a happier place for myself (: Sighs. But i still think i'm just some fucking vase and i fucking hate to be a fucking vase.

Then went pool with Baby and friends. I got pissed with myself. I MUST brush up on pool. I MUST NOT wear skirts to pool. I MUST NOT wear falsies. My falsies hurt my eye so much, now its swollen and red. OUCH. No wonder the nearing double vision. It hurts like #*&@#(!? Sighs. Want pretty then don't want life already. What a direct translation.

Anyway. Sometimes i really really scoff at people who think they really have it all when they have nothing, not even their fucking balls. They live in their own world and pass judgement and stereotype people. I super dislike it, maybe even to the extent of hatred. Like hello, i think i really have more brains up there as compared to you people. A simple thing can be resolved easily but you guys just make it more confusing then ever and in the end, we are still back to square one -.- Super lame. And you guys don't even want to hear what i have got to offer. Dumb asses.

Another point to chew on, is it always true that you reap what you sow. Because apparently, this Does Not Apply to Yours Truly. I'm getting seriously un-hyped and fucked up about this whole thing. If you're not gonna give in your best shot, this isn't gonna work. If this isn't gonna work, i think both of us would just feel indignant and upset and depressed and sucidal. At least for me la. I don't know about you. Show some CONCERN is that so difficult?

Okays. I have been getting upset and more upset. And this isn't gonna help my incessant gastric pains.

Now i wish, the Earth could just swallow me up and i can happily vanish into thin air. For now, I think i feel happier this way. I will feel much happier. MUCH MUCH HAPPIER as compared to the wreck i am in NOW.

After much consideration, i think i should think curbing his cigarette intake. He's not happy and neither am i. I'm unhappy because i fail to stop. He's unhappy because i keep nagging him to stop. I'm gonna wash my hands off. If not, this would make me fucking dulan. Because i hate empty promises. END OF STORY.

FANTASTIC. NOW I'M PEEVED. FUCKING FUCKING PEEVED. CAN I USE ALL THE VOCABS I KNOW? mailto:$%5E#*#%@&*$%^#*$%*%&#^

and to you-know-who, thanks for complimenting me but sorry, i'm not interested. Even if i'm single, i'm still not interested. Or maybe next lifetime? Thank you (:

A: 不要羡慕别人的幸福，有一天自己的幸福终究会出现。
C: 说道容易，做道难。等待并不是一切。

Project

2008-09-06T00:41:00.003+08:00

Yong Liang just called and i think he's pretty stressed up due to SPM. Hey we're all in this together! Relax and Chill dude (: And you're Hao Hao Xian Sheng lorhs, an extinct species of MEN.

I don't want to pair with HER because i would definitely quarrel with HER or even get into a fight. That the worst case scenario but i HATE people who lie to me. I fucking hate it and if i ever found out, i think everything's over.

Okay. I'm so gonna be fucked now. URGHS!

and hello, im still fucking pissed off. sometimes you don't make me trust you completely. DON'T ask me why.

I'mma big big girl in a big big world.

2008-09-05T19:18:00.003+08:00

Went to town to discuss SPM. I find myself teleporting to the childhood days with my erm, super childish ideas. It's almost the same like the "masak masak" we played when we were younger. I could even think of President SR Nathan, George Bush and what not.

My leg is freaking hideous :( Terrible Horrible Vegetable. I'm upset and my attire today, HuiQi claims i have matured womanly. Thanks ar. Met some ah bengs at Sengkang whilst buying Cup Walker and they asked for my number -.- I just walked away. Cannot stand. I don't look like an ah lian also. So what the fuck.

I'm home alone and its fucking scary. I want mummy :( And my gastric is acting up again. &*#^$@!

Don't ask me why am i not out. Because i'm in. In is the new Out. Okays. I'm effing lame.

Bugis yesterday with annoying-retarded-but-beloved sister. PINK Extensions, clothings, ear studs, make up summarises my catch (: And we took neoprints. It has been like 923846582 years i have taken neoprint, I think age is catching up on me. So i should hobble to knitting or needlework, just kidding. Had dinner at some classy restaurant at the 60th Level of UOB Plaza 1. Great atmosphere, good staff but the food was just okay.

I'm freaking pissed off now. So i'm typing like some monkey in the zoo. On a random note, i'm still grieving for Ah Meng. I can't look at him straight in the eye cause his eyes are so sad!!!! TSK.

Thursday i'm going to the zoo :D I don't know why but we're going! YAY! I can like play with the dumb penguins, scare myself with the snakes and worship the white tiger. LOL. I want to ice skate but wait for me to recuperate and heal okay? MUST WAIT HOR PLEASE. And i want to beach volleyball/netball SOON.

Tomorrow is Mummy's birthday. Rushed out a card and it's prewttyyy. And swensen's ice cream cake. Sunday's sumptuous dinner though i'm dreading it. Hello Fats!

On a random note, I thhiinnkkk i taawww a puuttyycat !

BYE

Je suis carrie et c'est ma vie.

2008-09-03T21:24:00.004+08:00

I'm typing in french and i'm cross referencing from alot of sources. You might not understand but those who know, please do try.

Je ne sais pas ce qui sont toi pensant ou vous se sentent. Mais il me fait beaucoup beaucoup très mal pour vous entendre dire que si je prends le travail de modélisation, il ne fait aucune différence quant à être un talonneur.

Mes larmes sont tombées vers le bas mes yeux immédiatement quand vous avez dit cela, en dépit de moi te demandant de me donner plus de respect. Mais je ne pense pas vous savez jamais que je pleure et je blesse tellement à l'intérieur.

Vous avez dit que vous n'avez pas pris mon appel précédent parce que vous lui parliez, votre ami. Ainsi je me suis soudainement senti, je ne suis rien à toi. Rien. Il est plus important que moi. Jusqu'au degré vous renoncez à mon appel parce que vous étiez au téléphone avec lui. Jusqu'au degré vous m'avez fait la file d'attente et portez votre nourriture pour toi parce que vous étiez au téléphone avec lui. Jusqu'au degré vous m'avez laissé avec vos amis quand il a appelé. Vous ne savez pas le renversement j'était, mais je l'ai caché avec un sourire plâtré.

Vous avez dit que vous m'aimez. Vous avez dit que je suis important. Mais je ne le sens pas.

Tout que je me sens est, votre meilleur ami pour toujours (BFF) est beaucoup beaucoup de plus important que moi. Beaucoup plus important que moi.

I spent 4 hours on this. Please think i'm clever or resourceful. And Yao Wei I didn't use online translator but my bare brains and hands and feet and fingers. LOL! Give me face la ):

But i'm still depressed. But i made a pact with my tears. I told them not to fall and i promise i will try to smile (:

I'm a crazy girl.

2008-09-02T15:40:00.005+08:00

I have been watching this 《转角遇到爱》. It's Super Sweeeettttt can ??!!! Urghs. If every guy is like Show Luo in this drama. I tell you. Girls would go crazy for them. No Doubts. Seriously its wayyy too sweettttt. If my boyf lidat jiu hao >:( But neverminds. I love him for him. hehehehe.

Well afterall, dramas are dramas. It cannot be acted into reality. Sighxsz. So i think every girl must 'fess up and well, take what you have for what you have(: Anyway P was complaining to me that her boyf is not romantic anymore.

P: Why guys so dumb one. Doesn't mean i don't want roses means i really don't want what.
C: Haha. Well. Guys aren't meant to be romantic. Cheerup la.

2 hours later

P: CARRIE! He never forget our 2nd anniversary.

Then she showed me a super big bouquet of roses and another couple ring. -.- See P!!! Your boyf IS romantic okay. What matters isn't what hes gonna buy, what matters is he remembers the things about you, about the both of you. What matters isn't how he pissed you off, what matters is he tries to pacify and make you feel like a princess (:

Maybe i'm simple. Maybe i don't lust after everything which others have. I admit its pretty sweet and touching that once in a while a surprise is given. But well. So long i love him and he loves me theres a happily ever after already.

Enough about being general. Baby and I are going on smoothly hopefully without much influences and interruptions anymore :( But everytime he say another girl i would get wary? I don't know. I thought theres something wrong with me BUT there isn't. sighs. So don't blame me for thinking too much like i might think you don't love me already :( HAHA.

Aly aly is feeling down. I hope she can be strong and carry on with life. My best friend for a very long time and i don't wish for her to be so upset. Sometimes i really feel like )($*#&% him. urghs. Fucker!

S is feeling down also. A good looking model got two timed by a going to ORD guy? FUCKER. She so pretty. neverminds. i told S to do the same. Cheerup girl. With your looks and stuff, you have countless to choose okay.

Hopefully Baby won't be like this (:

3 and a half more days to go!!

❤ you. But sorry ah. I can't colour it red. Maybe another shot (:

I'm so sweet right?! Haha. And I'm there for you. Not BONG!

Bong will do this. Hahas. Although he claims i'm irritating him :(

And This is Classic (:

[/edited]

I suddenly feel i have a constipation. Not what you all think of the normal constipation but more of a blogging constipation.

Words fail me at times. And my fingers can't seem to get the ideas right out at the correct word. Is it from the length of not blogging "emotionally". Well, i don't really have an answer for that.

It was raining as usual today and as i leaned against the windowsill i listened carefully to the patter of rain. Somehow, this solitary form of me takes into shape as i slowly sorted out my thinkings. No, I'm not being emotional. Just that sometimes when you finally take time off your hectic schedule and be quiet, ugly things just disappear. I know myself more clearly and probing deeper questions to ponder about.

"Life sucks. The world sucks. But if the world don't suck, we would just fall off."

I really truly agree. Just from this simple sentence alone shows a hell lot about the irony and contradicting live we lead. We don't like this/that, he/she, they/them but at the end of the day, we would just have to live with it.

Take into account of relationships. We know in love, we are bound to be hurt, there's bound to be sadness, anger, happiness and etc. But still, we give this a shot no matter how we know it might turn out. Because we have hopes and dreams and aspirations. Take it like i'm just crapping some utter nonsense. But i believe, in whatever we do, how ironical it may seem to be, it is our hopes and dreams that propels our desire and makes us move forward letting us know what we really want and how we can achieve it (:

I'm stubborn and i want things to be in my way when i feel that i'm right. But this is good, because i know what i want and i will be perserving to maintain what i have. It applies to you too :)

Its sunshine after the rain

2008-09-01T23:34:00.002+08:00

Went to school today for some SPM briefing. Exciting? I guess so (?) just that _ was/were just so noisy that i cannot stand and i nearly turned back and screamed. _ even turned my bottle of milk. Well thankfully i didn't scream cause i'm afraid to look at their hum ji faces. Why can't _ be more self actualized? TSK. Really cannot stand nor sit -.-

After SPM briefing went for the F1 briefing plus interview. Was quite okay cause its introduction. Reflected on my days of work. Anyway. I'm on the verge of quitting cause i forsee that i would be busy during this holidays. With the project coming up, the lessons i'm going to take, the exercises i'm gonna do. 24 hours doesn't seem to be enough for me :( But the opportunity cost is lack of MONEY! I NEED MONEY BECAUSE I FUCKING WANT THAT LV. Mummy won't buy it for me because i'm prone to losing things >.<

Notice the title, Its Sunshine after the Rain. There isn't much of a heavy downpour but more of a drizzle. Or i'm just imagining things?

Well, because Baby looked and felt so sians when he booked out. I thought it was because of me. Which i thought again, maybe suddenly he thinks i'm like bothering him. Which leaded to me being upset. But i guess everything's cleared up by well, another misunderstanding (:

I'm sorry for thinking of _. But it was like a sudden thought. Cause i thought you don't love me. Should be influences but well. You're right. I should trust you (: And please. If you're reading. Sometimes i will really think that you would just find another her to replace me when i'm busy lorhsz >:'( And i don't like what i'm feeling. I hate being jealous >:'( ^*&^#%@ And i never make you jealous okay !

I don't understand why Baby so scared i will leave? It's rather impossible really. Although not physically together, we're on the phone, meeting during bookouts. So how would i leave? Actually that thought didn't cross my mind for once. So don't worry Baby. 2 years is in just a quick flash. It would be over soon. I will be waiting for you (:

So through this incident. I know who are the FRIENDS and who are just friends. HAHA. Please la. Take off your fucking pretence. Need me then find me. All your fucking nonsense. Sick and tired of it already. So ugly still want to act this act that, do this do that. She told me.

*: She can't
C: why?
*: fugly.

I laughed so badly because i told * that she says shes not bad looking and * said fugly. FUCKING UGLY. Okays. I'm not pretty either but at least. HURHURHUR. Oh yeah. Erms. Please don't jump to conclusions. Just ask me straight (: That is hopefully you have the fucking ballsz. i don't want to tarnish your, erms, already fugly face and name (: Thank me too okay?

Okays. I need my sleep.

♥ you Baby. Sleep tight.

depression zone

2008-08-31T03:35:00.004+08:00

you don't know how much it fucking hurts.
you don't know the tears shed.
you don't know what i need and you never bother asking.
you don't know how i feel

now i'm telling you.

it hurts.
i'm crying.
you don't bother asking and i won't bother telling
you will never know how i feel.

this is my sad life

Don't

2008-08-30T11:22:00.002+08:00

Don't look at me this way. Don't talk me in that manner. Don't put up that pretence.

I know you hate me and i hate you all the same too. Hello? The feelings are mutual. And it's okay. This is only the beginning.

Stop being so childish and get a life. After getting a life please learn to GROW UP. Stop resorting to despicable acts or means to try to put me down. I'm not one to succumb to threats or whatever childish acts you have got up your sleeves.

I know you call yourself bitchy and i keep quiet almost most of the time. But this doesn't give you the liberty to say those stuff, to do those things. You're seriously thinning my limits bitch Oh wait. Maybe bitch is too good a word for you? But i can't even get a more in depth word cause i'm afraid you won't understand with your WONDEFUL language (: So being the kind me, i shall put it simply as bitch. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND. If you don't please do something to your brain like do a brain transplant?

AHA.

STB interview and training on Monday. So exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why am i so bobim? meaning with brains no looks. I'm so LAME.

BYE PEEPO

To You

2008-08-28T23:55:00.004+08:00

I don't know whether you would be reading this. Neither would i know whether you would ever read this but maybe this helps me feel better.

Army is an obstacle to family ties, relationship and sometimes even friendship as it brings about changes to your current lifestyle. Yet, this is what every warm blooded male in Singapore has to go through whether you like it or not. Its a love hate issue with regards to NS that i bet you can't agree more. You might say you hate NS now but once you ORD-ed, and you reflect back, NS is one of the time of the days which would be etched forever in your memory lane.

I remember the first day sending you inside camp. I had to admit i wasn't that accustomed but as the days grew, i became more confident of myself to be able to persevere and tolerate for 2 years. Until now, the point still stands strong. Somehow or rather, i know you doubt my ability but lets just wait and see.

I learnt what is the meaning of quality over quantity. I remembered you saying after going in, you learnt to cherish more. I do too. From you, i learnt to cherish whatever time we have left together and it doesn't apply only to you but to the people around me as well. It doesn't mean the more time you are being together means the stronger the relationship would be. I have used this many a time and i shall use it again. Though cliche, "Absences makes the heart grow fonder". Maybe its because there are plenty more things to chat to debate to enjoy when you're distant. I don't know but for me its true.

Baby, I don't mind having lesser time on the phone. What is important is to take good care of yourself. Just a simple five minutes and a message from you and i'm contented. I know i might be a tad too demanding because despite knowing you're so tired out and stuff i still demand for a message before you plonk off to bed. For this, i apologize. I'm still trying hard to get accustomed of not having any nightly messages. But in the meanwhile, please do try to bear with me. In time to come, hopefully i can be even more independent than what i already am.

Remember you asked my why i mentioned that i felt insecure? I didn't want to tell you that time because i don't want to be spoil your weekend troubling over some stuff which isn't logical, which is trivial, which isn't important. I want you to enjoy your book out, your freedom. I feel insecure because i constantly carry the worry that someday, i might mutate into your burden rather than someone who can lift your burden. And because of this, i worry about our relationship. I worry that one day, you'll just get sick and tired of me. I worry that one day when the love is gone, you refuse to tell me. I'm afterall, just the plain old Carrie. So my worry stems from the thought you might just give up.

Sometimes, i find myself kind of useless. To be unable to solve your problems but instead add fuel to fire because i'm always knocking into things or getting ill. All i could do is to be there to listen to your problems and give you a hug when i feel like it. Trying to come up with dumb jokes and stupid ideas to form a U shape on your face. It doesn't matter to me whether i sound stupid, look stupid, at least i tried my best to make your day a better one. Well. Hopefully i did.

Trainings are tough and even tougher from what you have heard and known. Giving up NDU seems like the best solution. But Baby, is that the only solution? I don't want you to get hurt or injured or harmed in any way or another. Whatever you're going through or would be going through you're not alone. Physically, Your mates are with you. Mentally, your family, friends and I am with you. I promise i will do 1oo push ups, sit ups, crunches in relative to the three songs which will kill me. But this is 有福同享有难同当:P

I don't mind listening to you and your friends rant on and on about army whilst sitting there. Cause i'm learning and i'm listening. Maybe from that little knowledge i gained. That little insight i learnt. I might be able to better understand your situation and plight and give the right comments.

Baby. Don't get disheartened, don't get uptight. I'm not a fan of liverpool but i assure you, You Would Never Walk Alone. The world can give you up, but i would still be pressing on. Sounds super cliche i know. Whatever decision you make, you don't have to worry. You have got me behind your back supporting your decision. Nobody knows you better than yourself, not even you mum. So sometimes, don't only allow your head to lead you, let your heart shine your way through :)

I'm not adept at expressing my thoughts out and loud. Neither am i the one to really be sticky and mushy and stuff like that. I am not the dream girl you dream about. Neither am i that perfect girlfriend. But i try to be myself and try to make you a happy boyfriend :) Jia you Baby! Bong and I are here :)

I guess with all said and done. What's the only thing left to say is.

Baby. I love you :)

P/S: If you really do see this, PLEASE don't mention anything for fear i might just break down and cry.

Another teardrop story for you to know.

A teardrop fell from her eyes. She picked it up and asked it why. The teardrop replied her, "Your brain's too full to occupy me, Your heart's too filled for my standing and your eyes, are too taken up that i have no place to stand in. I have no choice but to leave". She allowed her teardrop to fall as she thought about the only thing which stood in her teardrop's way. And the thought lit a smile on her face.
She is Yours Truly.

Its a THURSDAY

2008-08-27T23:44:00.000+08:00

With the time read as 12.00am, it marks Thursday. Meaning. Tomorrow's Friday. Meaning. Baby's mouth would be slightly upturned. Meaning. Hes booking out. YAY.

Would be heading out later to Comex then i don't know where. I suddenly have the urge to play pool but sad to say, i hardly have any pool fanatics. I guess my placing has fallen :( My shots would not be as accurate and i'm reverted to being amatuerish. SO SAD :'( To think of taking part in competition. Banish that idea Carrie.

Chinese Olympian has been found to be underaged??!! Actually, i don't see much of a problem regarding age. SERIOUSLY.

For example. I'm born in 1990 but alas my birth month is the last month - December. Meaning. I CAN'T watch M18 movies, i CAN'T purchase liquor or cigarettes, i CAN'T enter clubs or pubs legally. Like Hello, 2008 - 1990 = 18. So i SHOULD be 18 years of age but i'm considered 17. It isn't about the 'privileges' an 18 year old can have but i don't think 1 day difference is really that BIG. Tsk.

If you mention a yound child beside a teenager. Yes, There's a difference. But i mean. Maturity doesn't equates to age. Many people are like 20 odd 30 but the way they think and/or behave is similar to thoseof a younger age than me. THIS ISN'T FAIR. But come to think again, when is the world ever fair. I'm being contradictive again.

Okays. End of self debate or i could just go on and on. On a random note i found this whilst clearing some old books

"She gazed at him with her melancholic eyes. He remains indifferent and shrugged a cold shoulder to whatever she has got to plead with him. "Please", she said. "Get out". Her tears glistened in her dark brown eyes as she slowly left him into the dark snowing surroundings. She took a glance back at him, her beloved, but the latter never once turn back but instead slammed the door shut. With hurt and pain inflicted upon her, she grudged through the heavy snow and reflected on those once happy days which has vanished into a thin air of smoke. "Is everything all but an illusion?"she asked herself but nothing seemed to be able to reply."

Yes. The story is on "Illusion". Ask me more if you want :) This was done when i was in the beginning of secondary 3.

Anyway. That Bastard called again on the pretext he called the wrong number. Conversation as below. C for Carrie. F for the bastard (fucker)

C: Hello. Who is this (i don't save his number)
F: Wa. Forget me already ah?
C: I think you got the wrong number
F: I'm Amos la.
C: errr. OH. yeah what?
F: I think i call the wrong number
C: okays. bye.
F: eh. Tomorrow free?
C: NO
F: why?
C: Going out. And i won't go out other days with you. I have a boyfriend.
F: Can still make friends wad
C: *agitated* I already fucking make it fucking clear that i won't fucking go out with you. I have a boyfriend whom i fucking love and no matter what, i won't do fucked up things behind him. If you're so fucking desperate please fucking go to geylang to fucking find a fucking girl to satisfy your fucking desperate-ness. I'm no fucking whore and if you continue to call me, i will seriously lodge a police complain and allow them to fuck you upside down.
F: So fierce sia. But you pretty wad.
C: CCB. U only saw my picture taken with a few other people. I'm fucking ugly so fucking get off my back. BYE

and i hung up. and he never call. and i hope he never will. WHY DOES SUCH A DESPERATE GUY EXIST. I CAN'T STAND IT. I'm an angel but upbringing turns me devil. I hope this kind of people go to hell.

I'm not gonna trivial Baby with such a teeny weeny matter. He has better stuff to attend to. Unless it gets out of hand which i'm sure it won't. Baby's pretty shagged with army training so i will just be a good girlfriend and allow him to have a good good rest.

Oh yeah. I learnt something new. Cherish what you have now because you never know when is Heaven gonna take him/her away. And i learnt it in a good way.

Okays. I have an appointment with Baby in Lalaland. HAHA. HOPEFULLY i can find him. peektures would be up SOON ! Keep a lookout. Nights people!

And nights to you love:)

Formula One

2008-08-26T23:01:00.000+08:00

Formula One Grand Prix. I can be a showgirl aka Car Model. But i don't think I'm going to be one. Firstly is Boyf's and parents objection. Secondly, i'm doubting my ability to be a sexy model. Without looks, figure, i highly doubt so. So Sorry. Maybe in printed media i would do better like what i have done. Heineken, Cosmetics but just not some sleazy model. For that, i highly highly doubt my ability.

Part of me wants to go because of the revenue i will earn but yet another part of me says - this isn't you. So, being Carrie. I think i will just stick to my magazine shots and stuff. Check me out yo! Like who the hell ever thought Carrie can turn into a random "model"

Enough said about modelling.

Watched some teevee earlier on and i saw this girl who had a pretty super insecure boyfriend. She went over to his place and left midnight whilst her boyfriend was still sleeping. She didn't stay overnight because they had just gotten together and it would reflect negativity on her. The guy woke up at 3 in the morning and phoned her to demand why she left him. He picked her up and went back to his house holding his silence all the way until they're home. He bursted out questioning why did she leave him and she just replied the same thing that it would reflect her as being easy to his parents. He got peeved and started to abuse her physically from 4th storey to the first. Her shouts for help notified the police and when they arrived. She was pinned onto the ground with her boyfriend strangling her.

How sad a story. Though seems oddly familiar. But this kind of guys should seriously shut up and go to hell. Pick someone of your own size dude. Well. I guess i'm able to say this now but once baby hits me, i think i would be crying and letting him physically abuse me :'( But hopefully he doesn't do it.

Baby finds it tough inside. I hope hes coping along fine :) I worry for him but i know its his duty to protect the nation. Even if it means sacrificing himself for the nation. This point sounds exaggerated but in the frontline, i highly doubt so. Don't ask me why men have to go NS. There is like a thousand and one reasons. But nevertheless. Many Many Much Much hugs to him for being BRAVE, the complete reverse of me :)

Quality is better than quantity. And i think i couldn't agree more. Yes. I do miss him alot when hes in camp and more often than not i always pray,wish,hope time would just fly and i'm meeting him soon already. But well. I can never more agree that distance does makes the heart grow fonder albeit a tad too cliche. But hey, Old's the new In. And i couldn't fathom why NS men are so afraid of their girlfriends leaving them?

Firstly. Girls have their own lives. We don't need you to be there 24/7. We just need to feel loved and cared for. Yes, we're attention grabbing animals but aren't you just the same as well? We want what you want (minus the sex part). We want to feel loved and we want to feel secure.

It doesn't mean that being in an environment filled with people of the same gender makes us feel less afraid. We're afraid of being the burden to you - making you more tired. We're afraid that because you have lesser time you need more time with your friends and not us. We're afraid that because your NS friends might not have a girlfriend and invite you for a clubbing or drinking session. Then god knows what happen.

I have got to admit its rather heart wrenching to wait and wait and you can't reach him as easy as it seems to be with the advanced technology. But well, my stand is that if he treats you right, you feel contented. And this contentment makes the torture worthwhile and less hurting.

Hmmms. Well. Baby, i love you:)

First post

2008-08-26T10:31:00.000+08:00

TADA. A public blog for those nonsense people. Okays. I'm just kidding. Partly this blog is being made up for certain purpose. Interested? Find me and enquire :)

3 more days to Baby's book out :) Time flies and soon 2 years would be gone. Jia you Baby :) Though sometimes i know its tough and it IS tough but grit your teeth and pull through! I'm behind you always. No wonder the saying, "Behind every successful man, There bound to be a woman behind him"

I'm off for a new hairdo. WISH ME PLENTY OF LUCK IN ORDER NOT TO TURN HIDEOUS.

adios!