:)

It isn't the gift that matters, it's the thought that counts.

It may be something which cost 1 buck but i will still be satisfied because of the effort taken. But nevertheless, it came unexpected and i'm loss for words.

And i'm sorry for throwing you my tantrums when it isn't your fault.

Will update soon.

Thank you, love :)

[/edit]
I was talking to kit kit and i really found out i changed a lot. A whole lot. I have no idea what caused this change. She said Gary. Yeah, maybe. I don't know either.

To some this change is good to some it's bad. No more drinking, clubbing, smoking, lion dance, late night outs, ton, tattoo. Somehow, i feel that I'm not me anymore, i reverted back.

I just discovered something i should not have known. Curiosity perhaps. But like who wouldn't be.

Maybe I'm simply not the real one. Or that it's just a sub.

Whatever it is, the past haunts me deep and down. I really wonder now what would life be like if i had chosen another route instead of this.

Would i be happier or would i be more upset?

You forgot as usual. Unlike the past for _.

i already

"I already tried my best. Mummy, i already did. But daddy, why is it still like that?

why am i still feeling so miserable?

Why can't i smile happily again?

Mummy, Daddy, why ???"

i don't care fuck that shit.

I don't care fuck that fucking shit.

This is all bullshit. To think i will smile happily. I should have known.

Fucking bullshit.

[/edit]

Now. I'm starting to think. Am i really significant to you ?

Please don't let me_. I'm on the verge. Because all these hurt so much.

Maybe.

I'm not feeling so good right now. The thought has been bothering me and i couldn't express it out to anyone. It sounds so pathetic but i couldn't relate to anyone at all.

So for a start,

I don't really feel loved. I don't feel important. I don't feel happy now.

To summarise, i'm feeling down. Very down.

Maybe i'm not all that good enough to deserve something good.

And i don't think this is good.

Pretty Pretty Please

I'm rushing madly for time right now and i'm feeling anxious/pertrified/excited all in one.

Butterflies are flying all around in my stomach. I'm not sure what reaction i will receive. But i do hope it's a positive one.

But well, even if it's negative, i pray hard that i won't cry on the spot.

My heart's thumping like a wild rabbit. God, please, give me strength.

I'm shivering as i'm typing this. I really am. Please let it be good..

Please don't let me break down.

Please.

[/edit]
God didn't help me. But i don't know what i'm feeling now. It's a mixed feeling and it isn't good.

No mood to blog, till tmr,.

Really wierd.

Wierd, Really wierd. I have been meeting people i really don't like this few days, or rather consecutively with the exception of yesterday. Tsk.

First was on the first day on CNY. That self proclaim fucking chio but i think she is fat, ugly and old bitch with no fashion nor make up sense.

Second day was pretty fine. Just that my helix irritate the shit out of me because i became mickey mouse. And even when i stood still, the pain i still can feel and it was throbbing pain like some kind of crazy fuck shit. But well, i can't blame anyone but myself for piercing and still eating hei bee hiam like it's going to be extinct soon.

Third day was rather smooth just a lil' bored and the wedding game suck balls. I thought it will be nice. But then again, assumption.

Fourth day had IS and irritate the shit out of me. Okay, this only i know. Interested? Ask me.

Then today. Oh my fucking god i tell you. Today is like some kind of combo.

Please la, i'm not trying to hao lian or what okay. I was just concerned and i asked. And i didn't have any idea how much you got. And i only asked like once, with no hidden agenda or propaganda or whatsoever ? You don't have to say those words as though i purposely want you to know we did better. I seriously did not know.

And it was just a few marks difference. I don't see the point in comparing who got the higher or whatever shit because competing is not my style. Wouldn't you be interested to know how much another person get ? Oh wait, i was the one who asked you, but errr, you asked me back right? So yours truly ASSUME you're interested as well.

Oh and come on, i'm not so dumb or childish to go "YAY! I score better". N-O. NO. It was just for curiosity sake. And i didn't rebutt you on the spot because there was just so many people. And this is not the final mark for goodness god sake. CB lah.

Moving on. I know i really don't like you and i ASSUME(this word is like super good to use) you don't like me either. So the feeling is mutual. I offended you alot of times, but you too have stepped on my tail a good many time as well. This, we are fair.

I really don't care if i had offended you by saying how sucky your girlfriend is and saying shes a cheapo but it's true. Why buy fake LV if you can't afford and still want to bluff your friends it's real and backstab/outcast another girl when she exposed the truth that its a fake. The nice way to put things, "why quarrel over a stupid bag". The actual truth, "Can't afford but die die want people to know your fake is real, DON'T BUY. WAIT UNTIL MOOLAH FALLS."

I'm a brand addict but you don't see me carrying like gucci, LV and etc. Because for me, i firstly don't believe in fake ones because i want face. And secondly, i prefer to own these stuff using my own hard earned money.

And i was trying to be nice by telling her she should like do something to her make-up because the colours doesn't blend with her. Not sarcastic. I was just saying, "hey, i think the other colour suits your skin tone better eh. Can bring out your natural tan." PERIOD. It was just a suggestion because her face colour is different from the rest of her body e.g. neck.

And she was the one who asked what kind of outfit complement her body. I said no halter because her shoulders are broad. And she whine to you saying that i said shes fat? Like yeah, i do call people and even myself fat, but i merely told her to avoid halters. Not she's fat and she's the one who asked me what complement her figure.

I had no choice but to ask for your help not because i want to. Because she owes me MONEY which i need to collect back. Otherwise, i seriously like to steer clear of your path.

Did i mention, you're a sly, cunning, evil, irritating SON OF A BITCH. Shit, i pity your mum. Let's just call you a fugly piece of shit. It goes well with cow dung :)

BLARH.

I know you read this, so i want to show you my fugly and fat face :)

Oh, my helix got better. I'm in a good mood, though i still wish that couple would die :)

The going is tough but i'm perserving. SIGHS.

Better?

Why do i feel that my helix is getting better but when i asked around, they say "no, its still as swollen". Why ar? But i really think it's healing, at least there's pus and like its coming out. Okay, that sounds uber disgusting but its a sign!!

So maybe this CNY isn't so fun for me. Bye Bye my favourite Hei Bee Hiam :( I'll see you next year? That sounds so exaggerated but whatever lah.

And the girl from the previous post. Lets call her E. I tell you, i can just rant and rant and rant about her the entire day. She can even backstab me saying that i'm short when she's shorter !!! And shes like freaking old, like 27 onwards? Seriously, act cute act young, whatever la. Still want to be a model, i think boss will kill me if i introduce her. Old, fat, fugly biatch.

Nuff said. There's something which i would like to clarify.

I'm seriously an uber straightforward person, whoever, whatever i don't like or my feelings towards something, i will just say it out with no second thoughts. This might be both a strength and a weakness. So i apologize if i did offend any of you because of my bluntness.

And because of this, if there's anything you want to clarify with me, seriously, just do it in my face and not hiding in some corner and backstab. You people know who you all are. I don't blame you for being a group of all girls but yeah, if there's something about me, let me know.

We don't meet up anymore since a few lighyears ago but i know and i have people to tell me what is going on.

I don't wish to step back in anymore, so just let me be okay?

And, i'm not happy.

To be precise, i'm upset.