If you do...

Understand me, you wouldn't have acted like that. It pains me so much.

All papers down and i'm a happy girl. I can catch up with friends, work, slack. To sum up, to do whatever i want to do or whatever i feel like doing - including blogging with peektures.

On a side note, Boyf is leaving for China soon :( I will miss her like how a martian misses mars when put in Singapore. She's leaving on the 4th or 5th. CAN YOU DON'T GO. Even though like we kind of drifted apart but please, you still have a place in my heart cause you're my boyfriend and i still share things with you. EEK. So mushy right. I know you will confirm say i so er xin -.- But 6 months leis. Damn long eh :( Time faster pass. AND PLEASE MSN/WEBCAM ME OR WHATEVER LA OKAY. Your boyfriend important but your girlfriend here is also important okay ALLEN LUO WAN LING.

Oh yeah, idk if Dickson reads my blog but i heard you're going "ji nan" (so difficult) so take care too and update me okay chao ah beng? :)

Well, i had a tiff with _. Sometimes it just hurts me so much that up till now, you don't really understand me.

I know my friends and I are still young and we have yet to experience things or that we don't know how to handle things yet. I know you're worried for my safety and everything but the words you used to show your care. Makes me feel so little, so dumb, so child.

I did everything i can for you. To make this work, i sacrificed alot but i didn't mind cause i know we would be happy. But the thing is, it hurts when i heard you said something like that about my friends. Although you might not mean what i thought but that is what i feel. I strayed away from them and lost contact because i know we would have too little time together if i continued my ways. My friends were good enough to understand my plight and safely kept their distance but never once did they seriously broke ties with me just because i overlook them for you. And never once did they ask me to choose them or you despite me meeting them only when needed.

I used to put them as my priority, but after being with you, they aren't anymore.

It hurts when i hear you say such things which even though you didn't mean it in a malicious way as i intepreted. Because they took into account i regarded our relationship as something serious and they respected us and not merely stay away when i need a listening ear or when you aren't free. Do you know that?

And i was angry when i pushed you away, i didn't mean to do it. But at that time, it still hurts.

Am i really in the wrong love? Or are we really not suited?

I'm just not top on the list, am i ?


Anyway.

Diana, Happy birthday to you girl! :)

*idk if she reads this, me pretend she does.

If you do understand me and love me, hold me, i'm breaking down