you don't know how much it fucking hurts.
you don't know the tears shed.
you don't know what i need and you never bother asking.
you don't know how i feel
now i'm telling you.
it hurts.
i'm crying.
you don't bother asking and i won't bother telling
you will never know how i feel.
this is my sad life
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Don't
Don't look at me this way. Don't talk me in that manner. Don't put up that pretence.
I know you hate me and i hate you all the same too. Hello? The feelings are mutual. And it's okay. This is only the beginning.
Stop being so childish and get a life. After getting a life please learn to GROW UP. Stop resorting to despicable acts or means to try to put me down. I'm not one to succumb to threats or whatever childish acts you have got up your sleeves.
I know you call yourself bitchy and i keep quiet almost most of the time. But this doesn't give you the liberty to say those stuff, to do those things. You're seriously thinning my limits bitch Oh wait. Maybe bitch is too good a word for you? But i can't even get a more in depth word cause i'm afraid you won't understand with your WONDEFUL language (: So being the kind me, i shall put it simply as bitch. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND. If you don't please do something to your brain like do a brain transplant?
AHA.
STB interview and training on Monday. So exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why am i so bobim? meaning with brains no looks. I'm so LAME.
BYE PEEPO
I know you hate me and i hate you all the same too. Hello? The feelings are mutual. And it's okay. This is only the beginning.
Stop being so childish and get a life. After getting a life please learn to GROW UP. Stop resorting to despicable acts or means to try to put me down. I'm not one to succumb to threats or whatever childish acts you have got up your sleeves.
I know you call yourself bitchy and i keep quiet almost most of the time. But this doesn't give you the liberty to say those stuff, to do those things. You're seriously thinning my limits bitch Oh wait. Maybe bitch is too good a word for you? But i can't even get a more in depth word cause i'm afraid you won't understand with your WONDEFUL language (: So being the kind me, i shall put it simply as bitch. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND. If you don't please do something to your brain like do a brain transplant?
AHA.
STB interview and training on Monday. So exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why am i so bobim? meaning with brains no looks. I'm so LAME.
BYE PEEPO
Thursday, August 28, 2008
To You
I don't know whether you would be reading this. Neither would i know whether you would ever read this but maybe this helps me feel better.
Army is an obstacle to family ties, relationship and sometimes even friendship as it brings about changes to your current lifestyle. Yet, this is what every warm blooded male in Singapore has to go through whether you like it or not. Its a love hate issue with regards to NS that i bet you can't agree more. You might say you hate NS now but once you ORD-ed, and you reflect back, NS is one of the time of the days which would be etched forever in your memory lane.
I remember the first day sending you inside camp. I had to admit i wasn't that accustomed but as the days grew, i became more confident of myself to be able to persevere and tolerate for 2 years. Until now, the point still stands strong. Somehow or rather, i know you doubt my ability but lets just wait and see.
I learnt what is the meaning of quality over quantity. I remembered you saying after going in, you learnt to cherish more. I do too. From you, i learnt to cherish whatever time we have left together and it doesn't apply only to you but to the people around me as well. It doesn't mean the more time you are being together means the stronger the relationship would be. I have used this many a time and i shall use it again. Though cliche, "Absences makes the heart grow fonder". Maybe its because there are plenty more things to chat to debate to enjoy when you're distant. I don't know but for me its true.
Baby, I don't mind having lesser time on the phone. What is important is to take good care of yourself. Just a simple five minutes and a message from you and i'm contented. I know i might be a tad too demanding because despite knowing you're so tired out and stuff i still demand for a message before you plonk off to bed. For this, i apologize. I'm still trying hard to get accustomed of not having any nightly messages. But in the meanwhile, please do try to bear with me. In time to come, hopefully i can be even more independent than what i already am.
Remember you asked my why i mentioned that i felt insecure? I didn't want to tell you that time because i don't want to be spoil your weekend troubling over some stuff which isn't logical, which is trivial, which isn't important. I want you to enjoy your book out, your freedom. I feel insecure because i constantly carry the worry that someday, i might mutate into your burden rather than someone who can lift your burden. And because of this, i worry about our relationship. I worry that one day, you'll just get sick and tired of me. I worry that one day when the love is gone, you refuse to tell me. I'm afterall, just the plain old Carrie. So my worry stems from the thought you might just give up.
Sometimes, i find myself kind of useless. To be unable to solve your problems but instead add fuel to fire because i'm always knocking into things or getting ill. All i could do is to be there to listen to your problems and give you a hug when i feel like it. Trying to come up with dumb jokes and stupid ideas to form a U shape on your face. It doesn't matter to me whether i sound stupid, look stupid, at least i tried my best to make your day a better one. Well. Hopefully i did.
Trainings are tough and even tougher from what you have heard and known. Giving up NDU seems like the best solution. But Baby, is that the only solution? I don't want you to get hurt or injured or harmed in any way or another. Whatever you're going through or would be going through you're not alone. Physically, Your mates are with you. Mentally, your family, friends and I am with you. I promise i will do 1oo push ups, sit ups, crunches in relative to the three songs which will kill me. But this is 有福同享有难同当:P
I don't mind listening to you and your friends rant on and on about army whilst sitting there. Cause i'm learning and i'm listening. Maybe from that little knowledge i gained. That little insight i learnt. I might be able to better understand your situation and plight and give the right comments.
Baby. Don't get disheartened, don't get uptight. I'm not a fan of liverpool but i assure you, You Would Never Walk Alone. The world can give you up, but i would still be pressing on. Sounds super cliche i know. Whatever decision you make, you don't have to worry. You have got me behind your back supporting your decision. Nobody knows you better than yourself, not even you mum. So sometimes, don't only allow your head to lead you, let your heart shine your way through :)
I'm not adept at expressing my thoughts out and loud. Neither am i the one to really be sticky and mushy and stuff like that. I am not the dream girl you dream about. Neither am i that perfect girlfriend. But i try to be myself and try to make you a happy boyfriend :) Jia you Baby! Bong and I are here :)
I guess with all said and done. What's the only thing left to say is.
Baby. I love you :)
P/S: If you really do see this, PLEASE don't mention anything for fear i might just break down and cry.
Another teardrop story for you to know.
A teardrop fell from her eyes. She picked it up and asked it why. The teardrop replied her, "Your brain's too full to occupy me, Your heart's too filled for my standing and your eyes, are too taken up that i have no place to stand in. I have no choice but to leave". She allowed her teardrop to fall as she thought about the only thing which stood in her teardrop's way. And the thought lit a smile on her face.
She is Yours Truly.
Army is an obstacle to family ties, relationship and sometimes even friendship as it brings about changes to your current lifestyle. Yet, this is what every warm blooded male in Singapore has to go through whether you like it or not. Its a love hate issue with regards to NS that i bet you can't agree more. You might say you hate NS now but once you ORD-ed, and you reflect back, NS is one of the time of the days which would be etched forever in your memory lane.
I remember the first day sending you inside camp. I had to admit i wasn't that accustomed but as the days grew, i became more confident of myself to be able to persevere and tolerate for 2 years. Until now, the point still stands strong. Somehow or rather, i know you doubt my ability but lets just wait and see.
I learnt what is the meaning of quality over quantity. I remembered you saying after going in, you learnt to cherish more. I do too. From you, i learnt to cherish whatever time we have left together and it doesn't apply only to you but to the people around me as well. It doesn't mean the more time you are being together means the stronger the relationship would be. I have used this many a time and i shall use it again. Though cliche, "Absences makes the heart grow fonder". Maybe its because there are plenty more things to chat to debate to enjoy when you're distant. I don't know but for me its true.
Baby, I don't mind having lesser time on the phone. What is important is to take good care of yourself. Just a simple five minutes and a message from you and i'm contented. I know i might be a tad too demanding because despite knowing you're so tired out and stuff i still demand for a message before you plonk off to bed. For this, i apologize. I'm still trying hard to get accustomed of not having any nightly messages. But in the meanwhile, please do try to bear with me. In time to come, hopefully i can be even more independent than what i already am.
Remember you asked my why i mentioned that i felt insecure? I didn't want to tell you that time because i don't want to be spoil your weekend troubling over some stuff which isn't logical, which is trivial, which isn't important. I want you to enjoy your book out, your freedom. I feel insecure because i constantly carry the worry that someday, i might mutate into your burden rather than someone who can lift your burden. And because of this, i worry about our relationship. I worry that one day, you'll just get sick and tired of me. I worry that one day when the love is gone, you refuse to tell me. I'm afterall, just the plain old Carrie. So my worry stems from the thought you might just give up.
Sometimes, i find myself kind of useless. To be unable to solve your problems but instead add fuel to fire because i'm always knocking into things or getting ill. All i could do is to be there to listen to your problems and give you a hug when i feel like it. Trying to come up with dumb jokes and stupid ideas to form a U shape on your face. It doesn't matter to me whether i sound stupid, look stupid, at least i tried my best to make your day a better one. Well. Hopefully i did.
Trainings are tough and even tougher from what you have heard and known. Giving up NDU seems like the best solution. But Baby, is that the only solution? I don't want you to get hurt or injured or harmed in any way or another. Whatever you're going through or would be going through you're not alone. Physically, Your mates are with you. Mentally, your family, friends and I am with you. I promise i will do 1oo push ups, sit ups, crunches in relative to the three songs which will kill me. But this is 有福同享有难同当:P
I don't mind listening to you and your friends rant on and on about army whilst sitting there. Cause i'm learning and i'm listening. Maybe from that little knowledge i gained. That little insight i learnt. I might be able to better understand your situation and plight and give the right comments.
Baby. Don't get disheartened, don't get uptight. I'm not a fan of liverpool but i assure you, You Would Never Walk Alone. The world can give you up, but i would still be pressing on. Sounds super cliche i know. Whatever decision you make, you don't have to worry. You have got me behind your back supporting your decision. Nobody knows you better than yourself, not even you mum. So sometimes, don't only allow your head to lead you, let your heart shine your way through :)
I'm not adept at expressing my thoughts out and loud. Neither am i the one to really be sticky and mushy and stuff like that. I am not the dream girl you dream about. Neither am i that perfect girlfriend. But i try to be myself and try to make you a happy boyfriend :) Jia you Baby! Bong and I are here :)
I guess with all said and done. What's the only thing left to say is.
Baby. I love you :)
P/S: If you really do see this, PLEASE don't mention anything for fear i might just break down and cry.
Another teardrop story for you to know.
A teardrop fell from her eyes. She picked it up and asked it why. The teardrop replied her, "Your brain's too full to occupy me, Your heart's too filled for my standing and your eyes, are too taken up that i have no place to stand in. I have no choice but to leave". She allowed her teardrop to fall as she thought about the only thing which stood in her teardrop's way. And the thought lit a smile on her face.
She is Yours Truly.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Its a THURSDAY
With the time read as 12.00am, it marks Thursday. Meaning. Tomorrow's Friday. Meaning. Baby's mouth would be slightly upturned. Meaning. Hes booking out. YAY.
Would be heading out later to Comex then i don't know where. I suddenly have the urge to play pool but sad to say, i hardly have any pool fanatics. I guess my placing has fallen :( My shots would not be as accurate and i'm reverted to being amatuerish. SO SAD :'( To think of taking part in competition. Banish that idea Carrie.
Chinese Olympian has been found to be underaged??!! Actually, i don't see much of a problem regarding age. SERIOUSLY.
For example. I'm born in 1990 but alas my birth month is the last month - December. Meaning. I CAN'T watch M18 movies, i CAN'T purchase liquor or cigarettes, i CAN'T enter clubs or pubs legally. Like Hello, 2008 - 1990 = 18. So i SHOULD be 18 years of age but i'm considered 17. It isn't about the 'privileges' an 18 year old can have but i don't think 1 day difference is really that BIG. Tsk.
If you mention a yound child beside a teenager. Yes, There's a difference. But i mean. Maturity doesn't equates to age. Many people are like 20 odd 30 but the way they think and/or behave is similar to thoseof a younger age than me. THIS ISN'T FAIR. But come to think again, when is the world ever fair. I'm being contradictive again.
Okays. End of self debate or i could just go on and on. On a random note i found this whilst clearing some old books
"She gazed at him with her melancholic eyes. He remains indifferent and shrugged a cold shoulder to whatever she has got to plead with him. "Please", she said. "Get out". Her tears glistened in her dark brown eyes as she slowly left him into the dark snowing surroundings. She took a glance back at him, her beloved, but the latter never once turn back but instead slammed the door shut. With hurt and pain inflicted upon her, she grudged through the heavy snow and reflected on those once happy days which has vanished into a thin air of smoke. "Is everything all but an illusion?"she asked herself but nothing seemed to be able to reply."
Yes. The story is on "Illusion". Ask me more if you want :) This was done when i was in the beginning of secondary 3.
Anyway. That Bastard called again on the pretext he called the wrong number. Conversation as below. C for Carrie. F for the bastard (fucker)
C: Hello. Who is this (i don't save his number)
F: Wa. Forget me already ah?
C: I think you got the wrong number
F: I'm Amos la.
C: errr. OH. yeah what?
F: I think i call the wrong number
C: okays. bye.
F: eh. Tomorrow free?
C: NO
F: why?
C: Going out. And i won't go out other days with you. I have a boyfriend.
F: Can still make friends wad
C: *agitated* I already fucking make it fucking clear that i won't fucking go out with you. I have a boyfriend whom i fucking love and no matter what, i won't do fucked up things behind him. If you're so fucking desperate please fucking go to geylang to fucking find a fucking girl to satisfy your fucking desperate-ness. I'm no fucking whore and if you continue to call me, i will seriously lodge a police complain and allow them to fuck you upside down.
F: So fierce sia. But you pretty wad.
C: CCB. U only saw my picture taken with a few other people. I'm fucking ugly so fucking get off my back. BYE
and i hung up. and he never call. and i hope he never will. WHY DOES SUCH A DESPERATE GUY EXIST. I CAN'T STAND IT. I'm an angel but upbringing turns me devil. I hope this kind of people go to hell.
I'm not gonna trivial Baby with such a teeny weeny matter. He has better stuff to attend to. Unless it gets out of hand which i'm sure it won't. Baby's pretty shagged with army training so i will just be a good girlfriend and allow him to have a good good rest.
Oh yeah. I learnt something new. Cherish what you have now because you never know when is Heaven gonna take him/her away. And i learnt it in a good way.
Okays. I have an appointment with Baby in Lalaland. HAHA. HOPEFULLY i can find him. peektures would be up SOON ! Keep a lookout. Nights people!
And nights to you love:)
Would be heading out later to Comex then i don't know where. I suddenly have the urge to play pool but sad to say, i hardly have any pool fanatics. I guess my placing has fallen :( My shots would not be as accurate and i'm reverted to being amatuerish. SO SAD :'( To think of taking part in competition. Banish that idea Carrie.
Chinese Olympian has been found to be underaged??!! Actually, i don't see much of a problem regarding age. SERIOUSLY.
For example. I'm born in 1990 but alas my birth month is the last month - December. Meaning. I CAN'T watch M18 movies, i CAN'T purchase liquor or cigarettes, i CAN'T enter clubs or pubs legally. Like Hello, 2008 - 1990 = 18. So i SHOULD be 18 years of age but i'm considered 17. It isn't about the 'privileges' an 18 year old can have but i don't think 1 day difference is really that BIG. Tsk.
If you mention a yound child beside a teenager. Yes, There's a difference. But i mean. Maturity doesn't equates to age. Many people are like 20 odd 30 but the way they think and/or behave is similar to thoseof a younger age than me. THIS ISN'T FAIR. But come to think again, when is the world ever fair. I'm being contradictive again.
Okays. End of self debate or i could just go on and on. On a random note i found this whilst clearing some old books
"She gazed at him with her melancholic eyes. He remains indifferent and shrugged a cold shoulder to whatever she has got to plead with him. "Please", she said. "Get out". Her tears glistened in her dark brown eyes as she slowly left him into the dark snowing surroundings. She took a glance back at him, her beloved, but the latter never once turn back but instead slammed the door shut. With hurt and pain inflicted upon her, she grudged through the heavy snow and reflected on those once happy days which has vanished into a thin air of smoke. "Is everything all but an illusion?"she asked herself but nothing seemed to be able to reply."
Yes. The story is on "Illusion". Ask me more if you want :) This was done when i was in the beginning of secondary 3.
Anyway. That Bastard called again on the pretext he called the wrong number. Conversation as below. C for Carrie. F for the bastard (fucker)
C: Hello. Who is this (i don't save his number)
F: Wa. Forget me already ah?
C: I think you got the wrong number
F: I'm Amos la.
C: errr. OH. yeah what?
F: I think i call the wrong number
C: okays. bye.
F: eh. Tomorrow free?
C: NO
F: why?
C: Going out. And i won't go out other days with you. I have a boyfriend.
F: Can still make friends wad
C: *agitated* I already fucking make it fucking clear that i won't fucking go out with you. I have a boyfriend whom i fucking love and no matter what, i won't do fucked up things behind him. If you're so fucking desperate please fucking go to geylang to fucking find a fucking girl to satisfy your fucking desperate-ness. I'm no fucking whore and if you continue to call me, i will seriously lodge a police complain and allow them to fuck you upside down.
F: So fierce sia. But you pretty wad.
C: CCB. U only saw my picture taken with a few other people. I'm fucking ugly so fucking get off my back. BYE
and i hung up. and he never call. and i hope he never will. WHY DOES SUCH A DESPERATE GUY EXIST. I CAN'T STAND IT. I'm an angel but upbringing turns me devil. I hope this kind of people go to hell.
I'm not gonna trivial Baby with such a teeny weeny matter. He has better stuff to attend to. Unless it gets out of hand which i'm sure it won't. Baby's pretty shagged with army training so i will just be a good girlfriend and allow him to have a good good rest.
Oh yeah. I learnt something new. Cherish what you have now because you never know when is Heaven gonna take him/her away. And i learnt it in a good way.
Okays. I have an appointment with Baby in Lalaland. HAHA. HOPEFULLY i can find him. peektures would be up SOON ! Keep a lookout. Nights people!
And nights to you love:)
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Formula One
Formula One Grand Prix. I can be a showgirl aka Car Model. But i don't think I'm going to be one. Firstly is Boyf's and parents objection. Secondly, i'm doubting my ability to be a sexy model. Without looks, figure, i highly doubt so. So Sorry. Maybe in printed media i would do better like what i have done. Heineken, Cosmetics but just not some sleazy model. For that, i highly highly doubt my ability.
Part of me wants to go because of the revenue i will earn but yet another part of me says - this isn't you. So, being Carrie. I think i will just stick to my magazine shots and stuff. Check me out yo! Like who the hell ever thought Carrie can turn into a random "model"
Enough said about modelling.
Watched some teevee earlier on and i saw this girl who had a pretty super insecure boyfriend. She went over to his place and left midnight whilst her boyfriend was still sleeping. She didn't stay overnight because they had just gotten together and it would reflect negativity on her. The guy woke up at 3 in the morning and phoned her to demand why she left him. He picked her up and went back to his house holding his silence all the way until they're home. He bursted out questioning why did she leave him and she just replied the same thing that it would reflect her as being easy to his parents. He got peeved and started to abuse her physically from 4th storey to the first. Her shouts for help notified the police and when they arrived. She was pinned onto the ground with her boyfriend strangling her.
How sad a story. Though seems oddly familiar. But this kind of guys should seriously shut up and go to hell. Pick someone of your own size dude. Well. I guess i'm able to say this now but once baby hits me, i think i would be crying and letting him physically abuse me :'( But hopefully he doesn't do it.
Baby finds it tough inside. I hope hes coping along fine :) I worry for him but i know its his duty to protect the nation. Even if it means sacrificing himself for the nation. This point sounds exaggerated but in the frontline, i highly doubt so. Don't ask me why men have to go NS. There is like a thousand and one reasons. But nevertheless. Many Many Much Much hugs to him for being BRAVE, the complete reverse of me :)
Quality is better than quantity. And i think i couldn't agree more. Yes. I do miss him alot when hes in camp and more often than not i always pray,wish,hope time would just fly and i'm meeting him soon already. But well. I can never more agree that distance does makes the heart grow fonder albeit a tad too cliche. But hey, Old's the new In. And i couldn't fathom why NS men are so afraid of their girlfriends leaving them?
Firstly. Girls have their own lives. We don't need you to be there 24/7. We just need to feel loved and cared for. Yes, we're attention grabbing animals but aren't you just the same as well? We want what you want (minus the sex part). We want to feel loved and we want to feel secure.
It doesn't mean that being in an environment filled with people of the same gender makes us feel less afraid. We're afraid of being the burden to you - making you more tired. We're afraid that because you have lesser time you need more time with your friends and not us. We're afraid that because your NS friends might not have a girlfriend and invite you for a clubbing or drinking session. Then god knows what happen.
I have got to admit its rather heart wrenching to wait and wait and you can't reach him as easy as it seems to be with the advanced technology. But well, my stand is that if he treats you right, you feel contented. And this contentment makes the torture worthwhile and less hurting.
Hmmms. Well. Baby, i love you:)
Part of me wants to go because of the revenue i will earn but yet another part of me says - this isn't you. So, being Carrie. I think i will just stick to my magazine shots and stuff. Check me out yo! Like who the hell ever thought Carrie can turn into a random "model"
Enough said about modelling.
Watched some teevee earlier on and i saw this girl who had a pretty super insecure boyfriend. She went over to his place and left midnight whilst her boyfriend was still sleeping. She didn't stay overnight because they had just gotten together and it would reflect negativity on her. The guy woke up at 3 in the morning and phoned her to demand why she left him. He picked her up and went back to his house holding his silence all the way until they're home. He bursted out questioning why did she leave him and she just replied the same thing that it would reflect her as being easy to his parents. He got peeved and started to abuse her physically from 4th storey to the first. Her shouts for help notified the police and when they arrived. She was pinned onto the ground with her boyfriend strangling her.
How sad a story. Though seems oddly familiar. But this kind of guys should seriously shut up and go to hell. Pick someone of your own size dude. Well. I guess i'm able to say this now but once baby hits me, i think i would be crying and letting him physically abuse me :'( But hopefully he doesn't do it.
Baby finds it tough inside. I hope hes coping along fine :) I worry for him but i know its his duty to protect the nation. Even if it means sacrificing himself for the nation. This point sounds exaggerated but in the frontline, i highly doubt so. Don't ask me why men have to go NS. There is like a thousand and one reasons. But nevertheless. Many Many Much Much hugs to him for being BRAVE, the complete reverse of me :)
Quality is better than quantity. And i think i couldn't agree more. Yes. I do miss him alot when hes in camp and more often than not i always pray,wish,hope time would just fly and i'm meeting him soon already. But well. I can never more agree that distance does makes the heart grow fonder albeit a tad too cliche. But hey, Old's the new In. And i couldn't fathom why NS men are so afraid of their girlfriends leaving them?
Firstly. Girls have their own lives. We don't need you to be there 24/7. We just need to feel loved and cared for. Yes, we're attention grabbing animals but aren't you just the same as well? We want what you want (minus the sex part). We want to feel loved and we want to feel secure.
It doesn't mean that being in an environment filled with people of the same gender makes us feel less afraid. We're afraid of being the burden to you - making you more tired. We're afraid that because you have lesser time you need more time with your friends and not us. We're afraid that because your NS friends might not have a girlfriend and invite you for a clubbing or drinking session. Then god knows what happen.
I have got to admit its rather heart wrenching to wait and wait and you can't reach him as easy as it seems to be with the advanced technology. But well, my stand is that if he treats you right, you feel contented. And this contentment makes the torture worthwhile and less hurting.
Hmmms. Well. Baby, i love you:)
First post
TADA. A public blog for those nonsense people. Okays. I'm just kidding. Partly this blog is being made up for certain purpose. Interested? Find me and enquire :)
3 more days to Baby's book out :) Time flies and soon 2 years would be gone. Jia you Baby :) Though sometimes i know its tough and it IS tough but grit your teeth and pull through! I'm behind you always. No wonder the saying, "Behind every successful man, There bound to be a woman behind him"
I'm off for a new hairdo. WISH ME PLENTY OF LUCK IN ORDER NOT TO TURN HIDEOUS.
adios!
3 more days to Baby's book out :) Time flies and soon 2 years would be gone. Jia you Baby :) Though sometimes i know its tough and it IS tough but grit your teeth and pull through! I'm behind you always. No wonder the saying, "Behind every successful man, There bound to be a woman behind him"
I'm off for a new hairdo. WISH ME PLENTY OF LUCK IN ORDER NOT TO TURN HIDEOUS.
adios!
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