Losers is spelt as L-O-S-E-R-S

I don't know what the hell is going on right now but i feel that i ought to fucking know. There's no use in speaking things behind my back. Seriously. I heard, i felt, i saw the fucked up things going on. And all those stuff wasn't true.

Whatever lahs. And i'm still sick. NB.

will blog soon.

Verge of death

I'm. Dead. Tired.

Maybe because i fell ill again. I can't pull myself out of bed this morning to attend school. The alarm was snoozed 9382749 times when i finally dragged myself out from my bed. School's starting to get very hectic already :(

My energy is zapped already seriously. I'm too tired to actually think of things or bother to question about anything. Actually, i'm pretty frustrated now >.<

Oh yeah. Please don't say like "I have lesser sleep than you" or stuffs like that. Because, i can't fall into a pretty much deep sleep as you :(

I'm fucking tired. I want to go to bed. NOW.

SO LEAVE ME ALONE. thismeansdon'tcallmedon'tsmsmedon'tmsnmedon'tfindmedon'twhateverokay?

[/edit]
Its Saturday.

Meeting stupid boyf for lunch. Idk why is she near my area. My nose is gonna fall off soon, 3,2,1. its irritably uncomfortable. And my wonderful boyf didn't answer my call :( What a good boyf. HAHA. So i'm lunching with my sister because BOYF I'M TOO HUNGRY ALREADY.

I feel something's missing. Passion? And this isn't good. I can be so non-chalent but why am i still _. (i can't think of any noun/verb/adjective/adverb)

Okays. I'm super irritated.

And to add on, I'm hungry. I have said this like 923785 times. And my nose is gonna fall off. This explains my irritation i suppose.

I think i rather die la. #&#*(^@

And no gym/badminton tomorrow. TUTORIAL TUTORIAL TUTORIAL. na beh

This suck BIG TIME.

This suck. And it really sucks big time.

I was really pissed off this morning in school by some people (I shall not practice name calling). Okay. I know for the fact that nobody wants extra work. Neither does anyone wants to feel as thouhg their guts are coming out from their mouths which lead to a bloody death. So why do you just shove it down to us every fucking single time?

Its not our fucking duty to take them in. Nor is that our fault that we have a bigger clique. Since this is a project, then why are we put at such a disadvantage. You guys don't want means don't want. So we can't do anything but act like some pushovers la. This has been going on all the time. Please don't tell me you have worked with her, we are the ones working with her most of the time okay so please don't compare because you would just be so insignificant in comparison.

I speak of things directly in him/her/their fucking face and not being like some backstabbers. Act to be alright with the person superficially but behind him/her/them say bad stuff. This does not make you superior, this only helps you to invite trouble. Or maybe to you, you think that its something easy to solve because as long as you don't kena her everything is fucking fine. For this i seriously salute you with two slaps on each cheek. Well. Nearly. So if you have any things you're fucking unhappy with, say it right out.

Please don't try to be sarcastic. I seriously don't like it. And please don't step on my toes, i just want to live my life low profile-ed. The more i think of it, the more pissed off i get. Don't fucking say the world's unfair so nothing's fair. This is way beyond unfairness.

If i get this again, it would be the fucking final straw.

Anyway. I don't think i will blog soon again so Happy Birthday Yao Wei :)

BUT. Why do such people even exist? I'm peeved. I'm already being very tactful for not writing the names down and for speaking so kindly in the beginning. But my tolerance has its limits.

But whatever it is, I'm glad to have someone there :) I realised it has been a while since peektures are up so here's some of them. Not in any sequence. I'm effing tired >:(

During the F1 season. Ready. Get Set. GO!!!!!

I know the last picture scared you but i don't care la. HAHA. Its Wednesday already. Weekends are coming right up.

I need my beauty sleep in order not to stay hideous. Nights people:)

And nights Baby. I love you :)

Its been a long while.

It has been 8 days since i last blogged. Yawns. Pretty busy and tied up with stuff.

Glad to say 30% of SPM is gone :) Business tourism was an utter success and it felt great! Although i discovered one irritating girl from the Year 1 and i almost felt like gorging her eyes out. But no. I'm cultured. And it opened my eyes to the kind of pretigious school student's attitude. I was seriously wow-ed at their ability to be able to act almighty and stuff. When obviously, they are plain Janes.

And speaking of this. I realised there's like almost no mutual respect in my course. Seriously. If you want people to go to your booths and make everything stay in plan. Do it back to the others. And not, forgoing what we are trying to say, eating into our rest time, not hosting us like how we hosted you and making a fool out of yourself/himself/herself. And i thought all of us are adults. So this is how adults act. Ahhh. Now i finally grasp WHY.

But whatever it is, its one project down, counting on to Open House :) Its gonna be a mad house again but somehow, events are the thing that drives me on. I think i'm crazy to love to be busy. At least i die of being tired out rather than being bored to death. This sentence structure seems to be quite wrroonnnggg.

The modules this sem are more tourism based which is a good thing but modules like Tourism Law requires a great depth of understanding. I'm getting used to terms like doctrine of precedent, tort and etc. I think i will enjoy TDA and SPM a lot a lot a lot.

But this is the time whereby i wished it was still the holidays cause i can wake up at any time i like. I'm literally dragging my feet which then dragged my body and then dragged my mind to school.

Weekends were again spent with boyfriend. Was supposed to head to town or sthg or another with the girls on Saturday afternoon but because of certain things, i didn't go. HAHA. Met up with Baby then had dinner, walked around and went for movie - Tropic Thunder.

Same thing for this movie, I don't really like it because the hilarious parts are only that few and with the repetition of it, it gets boring. Especially since i freaked out. But nevertheless, the company was good but i was too tired to smile. Since my heels were taking my life away. Yes, it hurts that badly.

And my juicy wallet went up to smoke. $%^#!@(*^%# I super want it but after three tries, i give up already. I'm looking at Coach. Cause its "C" and it stands for Carrie! Why am i so lame -.- But whatever it is, i need a new wallet. TSK!

Baby's HOMESICK. I don't think hes gonna read this. HAHA. But well. I support you Baby! Weekends are approaching fast! YAY!

Okay. i need some television therapy. shall blog soon.

我只要

我只要快快乐乐度过每天。我的要求会太过分吗？

心真的痛到极点。想公制眼泪也力不从心。

My birthday is still far away so don't ask me what i want. Because i just want to be happy. I just want to be happy.

Why Tell me WHY

Explain to me to the greatest, nitty gritty detail why. Why am I always left like this? It's so fucking disheartening.

Why is life so hectic? Does this only happen in Singapore? Sometimes I feel 24 hours a day is sufficient but more often than not, I feel 24 hours isn't enough at all. Life's seem to be routine-ed. Work. Play. Date. Sleep. Eat. Drink. It’s the same old fucking vicious cycle. No matter how much fun life is now. One day, it would just get boring. And good heavens, by that time you realised you have half of your lifetime to spend. To spend in the same old cycle.

I took in gulps of the night's serenity. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale again. Exhale again. But with so many things running through my mind, I feel my breathing to be more of sighing. Every exhalation is an exclamation of tiredness, despair, disheartened, upset all mixed into one big bubble.

Everyone has got hopes and expectations. Everyone. I want to be a fucking doctor. I want to be a fucking millionaire. And we pay dearly for that. We pay with half of our lifetime slogging our fucking guts out. To the extent, we almost had no childhood in comparison. How many of us actually remember our childhood as being fucking carefree. No. What we remember is the fear which grip us when we forgot to - say - bring a pencil to meet our K2 teacher. Pathetic. So fucking pathetic.

So I ask myself in the lonesome serene night, what am I living for? But too bad, life's like this. What else can I do but suck it up and go through the London Bridge. Claim that I lead a pathetic life? Look at yourself, your life's pretty pathetic as well. Don't give me shit u have the bestest friends or the most wonderful boyfriend. Seriously. At any point, you will feel exactly like me.

I desperately need to go meditate, hibernate whatever. And i need my assurance too Mr. Boyf.

To heck with that. I'm still living the sad life in a sad life but I fucking don't sympathize myself. And even if I do weep, I will weep in the embrace of the silent night. Thank You Very Much.

F-U-C-K

I'm fucking pissed off. Seriously. Cannot tahan. And all i can do is scold FUCK FUCK FUCK. Sounds so wrong right. BIMBO SHIT.

I'm fucking tired la. Fucking busy.

#$^&^$#!

You fucking suck.

Do away the cliche

Peopl say Big girls don't cry. A way to console someone, or rather themselves.

Been up to my neck lately. With the spate of things going on, i hardly can keep my sanity going on strong though i know i have to. But many a time, i feel like just throwing everything and live in a secluded planet.

Yes, i know. You must be thinking something's wrong with me again. In a way, Yes but in another, No.

Because of "big girls don't cry". I withheld every ounce of unhappiness any drop of tear within the great wall of mine. Its tough having to pretend everything's okay when you're not. The only solace you can find is the four great walls or the bed. Accompanying it, lonely nights of silence.

Things hasn't gone wrong, not yet. But i'm tired already. Can i finish running this race? Or rather, can you just stop zapping me of my energy already? I'm very tired. Really tired. I'm tired to be that ever cheerful personality, tired of being the strong pillar, tired of being understanding and every nitty gritty thing. Because, i don't get my rewards. Because, i don't get what i deserved. The other way round, I got even more stuff to handle.

I keep myself upbeat and entertained all the time. And i tell you, its tough. Its tough to keep your spirits up when you're down. When you really needed a listening ear, it so happens that only your favourite soft toy is available and you communicate only to yourself. When you really need a hug, it so happens the only object you can hug is still your favourite soft toy.

Moving on, all i needed was some kind of assurance. I'm sick of telling myself to THINK positively. So much that my head hurts. Its splitting already. I pride myself on this, "I don't need many to love me, I just need one". At times, i really feel alone. Like now.

Neverminds. Its okay. By tomorrow i would still be the Masked-Carrie.

But i tell you, it hurts.

and then,

Big girls do cry, big girls like me.

I wonder how is it like to live and bask in happiness all the time. I really wonder how it feels like.