Do away the cliche

Peopl say Big girls don't cry. A way to console someone, or rather themselves.

Been up to my neck lately. With the spate of things going on, i hardly can keep my sanity going on strong though i know i have to. But many a time, i feel like just throwing everything and live in a secluded planet.

Yes, i know. You must be thinking something's wrong with me again. In a way, Yes but in another, No.

Because of "big girls don't cry". I withheld every ounce of unhappiness any drop of tear within the great wall of mine. Its tough having to pretend everything's okay when you're not. The only solace you can find is the four great walls or the bed. Accompanying it, lonely nights of silence.

Things hasn't gone wrong, not yet. But i'm tired already. Can i finish running this race? Or rather, can you just stop zapping me of my energy already? I'm very tired. Really tired. I'm tired to be that ever cheerful personality, tired of being the strong pillar, tired of being understanding and every nitty gritty thing. Because, i don't get my rewards. Because, i don't get what i deserved. The other way round, I got even more stuff to handle.

I keep myself upbeat and entertained all the time. And i tell you, its tough. Its tough to keep your spirits up when you're down. When you really needed a listening ear, it so happens that only your favourite soft toy is available and you communicate only to yourself. When you really need a hug, it so happens the only object you can hug is still your favourite soft toy.

Moving on, all i needed was some kind of assurance. I'm sick of telling myself to THINK positively. So much that my head hurts. Its splitting already. I pride myself on this, "I don't need many to love me, I just need one". At times, i really feel alone. Like now.

Neverminds. Its okay. By tomorrow i would still be the Masked-Carrie.

But i tell you, it hurts.

and then,

Big girls do cry, big girls like me.

I wonder how is it like to live and bask in happiness all the time. I really wonder how it feels like.