Friday, October 10, 2008

Why Tell me WHY

Explain to me to the greatest, nitty gritty detail why. Why am I always left like this? It's so fucking disheartening.

Why is life so hectic? Does this only happen in Singapore? Sometimes I feel 24 hours a day is sufficient but more often than not, I feel 24 hours isn't enough at all. Life's seem to be routine-ed. Work. Play. Date. Sleep. Eat. Drink. It’s the same old fucking vicious cycle. No matter how much fun life is now. One day, it would just get boring. And good heavens, by that time you realised you have half of your lifetime to spend. To spend in the same old cycle.

I took in gulps of the night's serenity. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale again. Exhale again. But with so many things running through my mind, I feel my breathing to be more of sighing. Every exhalation is an exclamation of tiredness, despair, disheartened, upset all mixed into one big bubble.

Everyone has got hopes and expectations. Everyone. I want to be a fucking doctor. I want to be a fucking millionaire. And we pay dearly for that. We pay with half of our lifetime slogging our fucking guts out. To the extent, we almost had no childhood in comparison. How many of us actually remember our childhood as being fucking carefree. No. What we remember is the fear which grip us when we forgot to - say - bring a pencil to meet our K2 teacher. Pathetic. So fucking pathetic.

So I ask myself in the lonesome serene night, what am I living for? But too bad, life's like this. What else can I do but suck it up and go through the London Bridge. Claim that I lead a pathetic life? Look at yourself, your life's pretty pathetic as well. Don't give me shit u have the bestest friends or the most wonderful boyfriend. Seriously. At any point, you will feel exactly like me.

I desperately need to go meditate, hibernate whatever. And i need my assurance too Mr. Boyf.

To heck with that. I'm still living the sad life in a sad life but I fucking don't sympathize myself. And even if I do weep, I will weep in the embrace of the silent night. Thank You Very Much.

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