Its the last

Its the last day of year 2008. Or to be precise, 5 Hours and 14 Minutes to 2009. How will you rate your 2008?

Personally, it has been a roller coaster ride this year. Certainly of a very much difference as compared to 2007. School work has been piling even more but the schooling timing gets shorter. I have no idea why. Behaviour-wise, turned super rebellious in the beginning but toned down alot now. So is this good or bad?

Relationship-wise, i'm happy. Definitely there are ups and downs but nevertheless, i'm still happy. Though my life would be so different if i were to be single but like McDonald's always say, "I'm Lovin' It".

No doubt now i'm pretty uncertain of the future but well, this is life. I will just take a day as it passes. Maybe as time passes, i will be more certain and assured. And i guess only till then would i fall asleep in contentment. Of course, not that i'm not contented, just more contented.

When in Rome, do what the Romans do. Therefore,i shall continue to be cliche and have my New Year Wish. (I have not forgot my Santa)

1. Get my driving license.
2. Pass with damn good GPA
3. Take a peek into my future.
4. Travel
5. To turn from Little Miss Petty to Little Miss Happy. (I'm not petty, Baby's asumption)
6. Baby _.

So what about his? HAHA
1. He wants me to love him more
2. He say i should stop buying too many fakes eye lashes
3.

I Hope

I promise i will change for the better. For you and for me.

I just hope that we won't be drifting further apart.

Iloveyou

:(

My head is spinning and its not going well. I'm super uber irritated and sians. What is the world coming to.

Some things which i once thought was important and dear suddenly turns into nothing in just a second. I seriously don't wish to give a damn about things already. I don't bother to and i don't even feel like giving a hoot because i think it's pointless.

What's the use of trying to glue things back when the other party is not willing to even sacrifice?

Too bad then, i have nothing better to say or do.

Soon to be over.

It's over. It's really over :( I'm kissing goodbye to my holy holidays. Now i'm hoping for 48 hours a day because i just have so many many things to complete :(

Whoever said poly life was slack should just climb to 20th storey, jump off and die. Because, even myself as one of the slackers, don't find it slack.

Santa didn't give me my Coach :( No White Christmas, no Coach.

Nothing.

I'm not happy at all.

It isn't a good day.
Something so simple became something almost impossible to complete
I really tried to be strong and stand up for you
But underneath all this, i think i'm gonna breakdown soon.

Please, don't tell me what to do
Just shut up and keep your comments.

I really need your support now..............

This is hilarious

This is effing hilarious. Chanced upon it and i couldn't stop laughing. But to think about it, I won't ever type like this. But well, just for laughs.

http://benglish.kennysia.com/?add=http://nowjustshutupandfly.blogspot.com

Another hilarious event which i chanced upon earlier on was about defamation. I don't want to point out who or what or why or when or how. But i don't see the reason in defaming someone you don't know just by the fact you think she does something the society thinks its wrong or that you are unhappy with the stuff she presents.

Yes, this is your space as i always put on my mouth. But she hasn't even yet stepped on your toes nor incurred your wrath why defame her? Even if whatever she has done doesn't seem to be morally right well, just fuck it? She hasn't even exchange smiles or gestures with you, not even one so why critcize?

You cant state you don't like such stuff but i see no reason as to defame/berate her to such a low stooping extent. Fess up, jealous or jealous?

It's other's life, so fuck it because she hasn't agitate you. Not at this moment.

Resolution

All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey

I think my posts are all so emo-fied. Which is a bad thing. So my new year resolution is to be HAPPY. Maybe just Christmas resolution since everyone has their new year resolution. I'm special you see :)

Sentosa outing the day before. In a nutshell. It was fun though albeit too hot. HAHA. Playing frisbee, ball, Big 2. Yes, i started playing Big 2 already but i'm still a noobie. No eye candies at the beach yesterday which is like so sad. Talked about recent news like dumb articles and it seriously made me laugh like some maniac. They really made my day yesterday which explains the good mood.

But my shoulders hurt from sunburn :( OUCH

Shit, i think i'm having PMS. I get upset easily. WHY?!! I promise to eat more chocolates. HAHA.

Over at Baby's house now and going to the flyer tomorrow! Like finally. Even though i think it's a pretty much waste of moo-lah but i think it would be a good experience. Especially i would like know how it feels to the almost at the top of the world and comment of the service attitude of the flyer. Yeah, i sound like a dumb critic.

It's the Christmas season so here's something for you which i find meaningful. You should know who you are :)

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby, all I want for Christmas is
You oooh

Er. But Santa, I made a pact with you. Coach okay? So cookies and milk outside my windowsill. You can drop the wallet into my bedroom because i will open it slightly. But if you wanna come in and inhale some warm air knock on the window alright? The cookies are for your consumption and Rudolph too! You can tabo, i won't mind. Thanks Santa...

It doesn't hurt to be imaginative and filled with hope does it? hurhur~

Over my dead body

Apparently i'm so not over the episode. Because the same old fucked up cycle happens AGAIN.

I repeat, AGAIN. Can you fucking believe it that my efforts of waiting and sms-ing has gone down the drain. Not to mention crying. Damnit.

So now, maybe i should just treat myself better. Maybe i should do things which i normally do but held off. Maybe i should think of myself for a change. Maybe i should be selfish.

I'm an individual yet i felt as though_. Maybe i should change something in my life starting with myself.....

Whatever. I'm just gonna fuck it and fuck care. And be selfish. And think of only myself. And maybe this makes me happier. And i won't be so upset or emo or whatever you like to call it.

Anyway. Out to K with long lost people. I didn't snap much except for Sk and Wy. Because I forgot until we were on the train and only these two were left with me. AHA.

It was kind of fun, not fab but well, fun. At least something different. And we were pressed for time. But still, it was rather enjoyable.

I'm over at Baby's house and apparently PSP has taken over my position. So i become the machine and PSP becomes the girlfriend. Sad huh?

But this is why i'm blogging. Maybe i should get a sub-boyfriend. Tamagotchi anyone ?! :D

Sentosa tommorow. Looking forward so much so much. Sun, Sand, Sea, ACTION! Minus the projects. SIGHS.

This holiday is gonna be filled with misery. So much misery of projects and more projects.

And i feel fucking redundant. I miss those good old times when things weren't so complicated.

I should have gone for that weekend gateaway but everything's too late. So many things to do and complete and account and answer and be responsible. Oh wait, didn't i say i will fuck it? SEE! I'm super procrastinating. That's why i say i'm so fucking weak. (I enjoy talking to myself because i'm pathetic because i can only talk to myself so get it over)

I think it's time to kiss goodbye to her
The her when she held everything so close and dear

I'm disappointed

I thought things were going well. But well, I thought.

Now i know what the fuck you take me for. Or maybe in my opinion, i just feel that i'm nothing. Or that, you don't bother to care. Or maybe im just fucking taken granted of.

Whatever i have done is redundant. Whatever i have tried to do is pointless.

I'm not trying to be emo shit nor whatever you call it.

This is just my thoughts and feelings. Fuck it when i keep saying maybe its the time to think over everything.

I thought over it and i really need some peace. Fuck myself for being so weak.

Get out of it please. Fucking get the hell out.

I'm still not over it yet.

YOU KNOW RIGHT

From the looks of my title i know you smart people should know what this post is right?

Oh, you mean you don't know? Neverminds, this is the reason why i am blogging right now when i should be in my comfortable bed tucked under the heavy but cosy comforter and propping with my bolster drifting slowly into the ever so lovely... LALALAND.

Oh, the PURE BLISS BUT for the sake of you, you, you and you who are interested as to what is going on (act to be interested la), Yours Truly is here to resolve the world's enigma. (I think i should sleep already. What's up with my melodrama?)

No la, to shortlive your happiness, this post is only for one person. And it's really just for that person.

This person is someone very different. Very different indeed. Lets call him/her B shall we?

B is able to make me cry and make me laugh uncontrollably. B is the person who i normally turn to. B is the one who does all the silly actions and brighten my day. B is the person who can make me angry at one moment and happy at another. B is the person who frustrates me by not answering whatever questions i pose cause B thinks it's not very sensible even though Yours Truly thinks it is a truly important question. And the list goes on.

Guess who B is?

No?

C'mon!!

Okay la. B stands for Baby.

Baby:
I have not been the perfect nor ideal girlfriend neither in the looks department nor the attitude department. I have constantly been throwing my tantrums and been rather childish at times. Even though i am still able to pull off such an act. (Like i'm only 18!) I have also been giving you a hell load of problems and pissing you off with certain things i do or say because i can't keep my emotions in check properly. And needless to mention my mood swings which could hurricane from 0 to 100 immediately. And there's so many other dumb/retarded/immature stuff i have done which either drove you crazy or drove you silly.

And although you refuse to entertain me at times or even listen to what i have got to say. Like to the extent i will keep whining and complaining that my words have no strength. (This isn't good Baby) Or at times, you neglect me (although i will kick up a great big fuss for you)

But i thank you for everything for the past few months. (No, we are not breaking up. We're still going on strongly.) Thank you for controlling and tolerating me, this nonsense, stubborn, immature PRINCESS with the attitude and cheering me up when i'm down.

Actually, i don't really know what to say because i'm not I'm not adept at expressing my thoughts out and loud anymore. Neither am i the one to really be sticky and mushy and stuff like that. I am not the dream girl you dream about. Neither am i that perfect girlfriend. But i try to be myself and try to make you a happy boyfriend by supporting and being there for you :) Or maybe irritating you.

So Baby, it sounds so cliche, so common, so ordinary, but yet, this is the strongest word i feel i could use.

Thank you for everything. From controlling my wilful acts and tolerating my
immaturity to being there for me when i needed support and caring for me,
Thanks.

I'm not the perfect girlfriend, neither are you the perfect boyfriend. But this is the way i want it to be because amongst the imperfectness, i see something perfect.

Maybe to some of you, you think that i'm being foolish. But nevertheless, whatever will be will be. I don't know what will happen the next day or even the next split second, so maybe it's time for us to learn how to cherish and not take things for granted. Especially things who are dear to you. At least, i gave my best. And for this, i'm able to answer to myself.

Don't ask me why suddenly i'm typing this entry. I don't know either. Maybe this is a pit stop for me to reflect? It's just in the spur of the moment.

And you know why am i constantly annoying him?

"Perfect love is not receiving, it's giving and forgiving. Perfect love is not red roses on valentine's day, it's the rest of the 364 days of knowing and loving you. Perfect love is not phone calls and stolen kisses, it's the silent smiles in memory of your sweetheart. Perfect love is not a grand wedding but spending a lifetime together. Perfect love is loving the one who annoys the hell out of you. And i think, im the one annoying the hell out of you :)"

So Now baby should know why am i always annoying him. It's no longer "beat = sayang or scold = love." My equation evolve to:

"Annoy more = Love more"

PS: So Baby love me alot too! HAHA.

To end this,

Happy 6 months Baby. I love you.

PPS: I know this is like abit dumb but it's for self-reflection and YES i will ask him to read. FOR ONCE. Whether he reads or not it's up to him. I have done my part.

Am i a priority or an option?

It's SUNDAY and i'm at Baby's house -.- Apparently he enjoys watching teevee in a standing position with both hands at the back. Does this make a show nicer? Maybe i should try it.

The holidays have officially started though i seem to be holiday-ing for quite some time. Spm re-test on X'mas eve. So utterly saddening. Nevertheless, suck it up, get it over and done with.

Twilight is out. Yes, with anticipated bated breath, IT.IS.FINALLY.OUT. The bitterness, sweetness into a whirlpool of romance and love. I'm so gonna watch it. Anyone?

The world's roller coaster ride pales in comparison with what i have been going through these few days. I don't really like the way i'm acting and feeling now. That i don't have a certain fixture of emotion and thoughts at one point of time. I can be happy but sad. Either at the same time or concurrently. I know it's ironical. But i don't know why.

Perhaps i do know why but i just can't get it out. I'm too smitten and delved into my own persnal thoughts. And the sad reality is, i have no idea how to extricate myself from this tangled web.

I'm not a child, but still, i crave for my own attention and surprises. Maybe i should mail to myself a X'mas card and act surprised (re-enact Mr bean). I'm just kidding. So my life has slowed its pace and it turned monotonous. From a colourful and vibrant to a black-and-white one.

Even my 18th birthday which i initially thought would be a blast sometime ago turns out so much otherwise. I don't intend or impend any celebrations but i didn't expect it to suck so much. Oh God, it's already over so why am i still harping on it.

Things are just so different now. Issit because i'm growing older or because i inhibit myself? I'm still young, i need my fun but i seem to have lost that element. How?

And i can't help asking am i the priority or just an option ?

Or worse, neither.

Maybe Christmas would do some good for me. Maybe it's time for me to yet again reflect and think about how things are going. Maybe it's time for me to sort out my own thoughts.

But it's still an enigma. Maybe even after all these Maybe's, i'm still back to square one.

Nevertheless, looking into my drawer and the Coach wallet makes me happier.

So Santa, Please make me a happy girl of 18 in 2008.

It might be all but a reverie now
but it may become a dejavu later.

Sorry

I know i'm not being an absolutely fantastic friend but like i'm trying to be at least a passable one?

I really had enough of all these shit and nonsense. It's my life. Let me live it my own way. And if my words pierced you, i'm sorry. It's just that. It's my relationship. So i think i should know what to do. Be it whether you determine i'm not well taken care of or that _, it's still my own problem.

Yes, true. I don't really feel all that secure with *. But i think, this is his duty not yours. Hence, i got uptight when things start to go haywire.

And Seriously, i never thought those kind of words would ever come from you. In a way it hurts but...

I did try to be there for you when i could. I know sometimes i just hold my silence because i felt that nothing i say could really do much. I just feel that a listening ear is better than a speaking mouth. Yes, i will berate the person but to what extent? How much can we berate?

I never count or take for granted that you were always there, you too, have your own time. And i don't blame you nor anyone when i'm upset or holed up alone.

This can just go on forever without a conclusion.

I'm sorry my friend for whatever harsh words i said. But i do hope, for just a listening ear.

At least everything now is CLEARED. I love you girl :)

Meeting Baby later. Am super dead now because chatted with long lost friend - Sheng Kiat till like 5 in the morning. Basically just chat and drag about Tuesday where we are going and stuff. That is after clearing misunderstanding with her :)

So Baby, don't be unhappy :( I still love you a lot -.-

I promised

I promised to upload the pictures. And this time, i didn't break it. Marvel at my enthusiasm. I have more to upload but give me time okay? Haha. I'm such a procrastinator.

Was supposed to meet Baby at 3pm and the time now is 3.05 and counting? Oops. But i think it's alright since there's nothing much. Teehee. See, for all of you. Please be honoured.

The surprise on Friday (Yesterday) was buying a movie ticket for bolt on my own accord. I thought he had wanted to watch/catch it but i think i was abit wrong.

Nevertheless, it's a movie to kill irritate-ness, anger and unhappiness. Can i have a dog like Bolt? So i won't be lonely at home. Yeah, i'm kidding myself. Because i think i will bling everything on my "Bolt". Maybe i should call my dog "Bot". Tsk, Carrie please stop talking to yourself.

Actually, i'm feeling quite disappointed. I don't know how to express it out either. Maybe just maybe. I think i have became a bit too non chalent. Has everything went up into smoke? I no longer feel excited, i feel it's a drag, a burden. I lose the strong desire and burning feeling. I lost it. And i don't know how to get it back.

To sum up, i lost hope and love for it already. Also widely known as passion. Maybe it was a decision made in a spur of the moment and now, i have to carry it for life. Yes, i regretted my choice years back. How now brown cow?

It's too late to start regretting though. What's done can't be undone anymore. Sighs. So i just hope this is a transitional period where i temporarily lose my thoughts, focus, passion, enthusiasm, love, hope and etc. I just hope that my battery is flat and it only needs recharging during this holiday.

The first picture is more of the lightings being the "focus" and the second being the lovely people as the "main target" of the lens and capture. HAHA. Yes, what the hell am i talking about.

11 more days to Christmas, 10 more days to SPM re-test and 44 more days to CNY. Am i looking forward? HAHA.

Santa, I really have no chimney, But no worries, one large plate of cookies and big cup of warm milk will be on standby at my windowsill. I'll leave my window slightly open, so if you need to come in, knock on the window pane, I'll definitely welcome you. If not, you could just drop the coach into my bedroom.

I seriously don't mind if you want to tabo cookies and milk back :)

This is how badly i want the wallet :( Why am i always repeating myself ?

Please be happy. Cause i'm not. What irony.

Today baby & me go walk walk.. hahahahahaha... & u dun piss me off again this time round.. cause im giving u another chance.. dun say suan xiao wei... baby bought me a new polo tee.. & i am so happy.. =) hahahahahahahaha... okie i got to go.. BYE BYE!!! HAHAHAHAHHA

I want...

I have not been eating what i should have been for the past four or five days. Or rather, i ate almost nothing?! Since whatever goes in, comes out via the mouth. Its a sickly feeling and i fucking hate it.

I'm like fucking hungry but i can't fucking eat anything :(

Went Bugis yesterday and the crowd made me felt so super sickkk. I was supposed to enjoy shopping but i had like no energy, strength and mood. Like it major sucks. Nevertheless saw familiar faces :) and retarded B****.

Baby book out already and he's at home. Meeting him only like in the evening. HAHA. I wanna go town :( But i have no idea what i want to buy. And my back aches. mailto:%5E$&*#@)$&

Today is the 12th and again i hope my decision is right. Or rather, i hope nothing fails me, my expectations are up. I hope.... so please don't let me down

Preview of layying birthday,


I think i should cut my fringe already.

Oh and i really want this !!! URGHS.

I think i have nothing else better to do so i'm typing like some random maniac. HAHA.

Santa, i have been really good. More cookies and milk? Fall it down my window please.

I didn't

I didn't attend SPM Test today because i was taken ill. Note: Very ill. whatever i eat or even drink, i'll just puke it out. And it sucks because i have nothing for my body to puke anymore. And i feel fucking uncomfortable. And i still got a re-test :( So sad but neverminds, i wanted to take SPM after all.

Anyway with regards to the previous post, maybe i should learn to forgive and forget. Or rather i should just learn to forget. Forgive is gonna be fucking hard. I just want to show me i'm not one to be easily triffled with. Especially when i don't given give a fuck about you at all :) Fucking boycott all you want, the more you irritate me, the faster your death would be. HUMPH.

I just don't want to make things difficult for Baby. Not because i'm lowering myself.

I have been like an 8 year old kid to Baby just now. Tee hee. Anyway, i hope this friday goes well. As a form of apology?

God, i'm fucking hungry but i can't eat. Someone save me. My tummy's rumbling and i have no strength for anything. Sentosa tommorrow ?

Yes, we are still friends. For now and Forever :) Thank you for clearing the air and we wouldn't be so awkward anymore.

I realised Christmas is around the corner and to those who still owe me my birthday present. Yours Truly shall be kind enough to reveal. (I'm jokin okay)

Nevertheless, I have been a very good girl this year so Santa please hear me :)
I'm in love with this. No doubt the price would be slashed to half due to Avril's additional 20% but i still can't buy because i'm buying something else. Heart pain. I really want this wallet :(

Hello Santa, drop this by my window because i have no chimmney. I will bring you cookies and milk.

Kiss goodbye

Two papers down and two more to go. On an official note, life sucks :(

So after HBM went to find Baby. I think it was the worst weekend. I'm not gonna elaborate on the issue. I just want to comment. And if you think it isn't right, please get the hell out of my blog. I was contemplating whether to blog about my unhappiness and anger inducing the factors but i think again, this is my blog, i'm unhappy, i can't talk to anyone so why can't i rant?

Again, i think this is so much worse than a flaming Lamborghini, racing Ferrari, F1 grand prix mixed together. Seriously. You went way beyond my limits. I tried to tolerate and tolerate and not let my emotions show but i'm sorry, i'm no fucking robot. I CAN'T.

I don't give a fuck, i don't give a shit, i don't give a damn if you are brainless or brainless. It's not because i have no guts nor because i'm shallow. It's because of HIS sake i shut my mouth up. Yes, again. I think i'm quite dumb reflecting back.

I don't think there's any of my fault. Maybe being pissed. But like who in the right frame of mind wouldn't be? Like I'm not entirely your friend doesn't means you don't have to consider my feelings. Like i'm some kind of control freak?

I didn't mention anything neither did i commented anything. If it's meant to be a joke, i'm sorry i can't be brainless like you and laugh it over. I have my own fucking ego despite the fact that i'm not a guy. Like in case you are dumb enough that you can't understand?

I can't believe i let my tears drop because of this. Seriously, i have changed. And i don't like it. No wait, because my feelings are hurt i cry.

I feel so much like a wimp. I don't know what to do.

Maybe i should just fuck it and fuck care anymore. I know what is it like to be sandwiched. It's a terrible feeling. Because i have been sandwiched for so many times. Friends or him? I chose the latter.

Now, i know how the former really feels. I'm sorry.

I want to tell a story about the teardrop.

A teardrop fell from her eyes. She picked it up and asked it why. The teardrop replied her,
"Your brain's too full to occupy me, Your heart's too filled for my standing and your eyes, are too taken up by the imagery that i have no place to stand in. I have no choice but to leave".
She allowed her teardrop to fall as she thought about the only thing which stood in her teardrop's way. And the thought lit a smile on her face.

But today, her teardrop fell again, she picked it up and asked it why. Again, the teardrop replied
"Your brain, heart, eyes are too melancholic that i can't help but leave to stop being melancholic" She let the tear drop and gazed up, alone.
The thought brought more teardrops.

She is Yours Truly :)

So kiss goodbye to her
the one who used to hold everything so dear

Over :)

Its over. Okays. Tlaw is over and i was fucking ecstatic but apparently when i come back home and after nua-ing i realised, HBM SUCKS TOO.

Like this is the common test period and i'm blogging more than usual. Because of the stress and severe headaches i get from the books.

Tlaw was rather fine, at least not to the extent of failing :) To me la. Haha. You might say hard work is paid off but really, too much hard work but i'm glad it's all over.

HBM is really sucking me up. Like i'm gonna die. Like i'm gonna breakdown. Like i wanna give up.

Lets see,

- What affects occupancy (Location,Branding, Pricing, Market Demand, Competition, Government rules and regulations)
- Main market segments (geographic, demographic, pyschographic, behaviouristic)
- Others (Base ad wholesale)
- Rates (corporate transient, corporate group, wholesale, consortia, promotional)

Yeah. Fuck it. I'm gonna die anyway. So please wish me a beautiful and peaceful death.

Actually, i'm going to start studying already. I hope i won't die :)

Wish me luck.

I hate you la :(

I think this is the best

Tlaw is in a few hours and to be precise in merely less than 16 hours. Which is less than one day hence i didn't mention "tomorrow".

I am not done with tort because i didn't memorize. My brain sends me this signal which is like this

"Tort is MCQ, don't have to pia so hard"

So like what the hell i know. Am I'm rather stressed out so I'm venting out my frustration. And I'm thinking, it's merely common tests and we are all so fucked up. What about exams? Will i die? Ever single semester there's bound to be one killer module. For instance ATRM last sem, and now law? Not only law, hbm as well because i don't understand a single fuck except CRS and GDS combine together and VIOLAH!

I read an interesting article about a couple quarreling because of their ex-es. It sounds familiar no? I don't understand why. Maybe it's because of this that people hardly or never ever wish to mention about their ex-es.

But in my opinion, being a weirdo (yes, i know!). I rather my boyfriend talk freely about it. I'm cool with it. Everyone has their own past. I have mine too and i know those of you who know about my past know tough it was. On the contrary, if he is being too evasive, i will often think that he's not over her yet.

Maybe i would want to know because I'm nosey. Or maybe because i want to know more about him. But largely, every single female hates to admit. They want to know about their boyfriend's ex so as to make a comparison. A comparison between themselves and her(s).

No doubt i do that too but i don't let it affect the relationship. She might be a fucking hot babe with a fucking gorgeous body that every body dreams of and desire but hey, its the past already! If they have moved on then good, if they haven't then i suggest, you take a short break from him so as to let him decide. Of course, in the short break you're entitled to your own freedom rather than be at his beck and call (this is oddly familiar)

So my advice to his young girl of 17. Although she won't see it or she might never see it (i enjoy talking and evaluating to myself) and I'm not much older, but well, if he really can't decide leave him to writhe and die (i'm joking), just take a step back first. And stop demeaning yourself saying you're no better than her. You're better in her in some ways or he wouldn't have gotten together with you in the first place (even if you think you're just a buoy)

So I should really hobble back to Tlaw and bury my nose, no, my entire head into Tlaw. Baby just called and he's going to the gym :( I WANT TO GYM. And he wants a second girlfriend :( I'm just kidding. One princess that is Yours Truly is already so difficult to handle and maintain. What more two? But to think about it, what am i going to do if it happens. Cry? Kill him? Pay back? No, I don't want to know and neither does Baby, I PRESUME.

So hello to my new boyfriend - offer, acceptance, consideration and intention, frustration, duress, mistake, tort, incapacity, illegality. Re McArdle, Adams v Lindsell, Felthouse v Bindley, Carlill v Carbolic Smoke Ball Co...........

No, I need my real boyfriend :( Neverminds. Weekends are coming and all the majors would be over.

I need a hug :(

I want my fairytale

I'm fucking stuck

Its so ironical that i can be okay earlier and now i just zombie back to the unhappy zone.

It should be the mugging. Yes, definitely. But i haven't really been MUGGING. Its just 3 fucking chapters down. I have 1 and a half more fucking chapters to fucking go. Why the FUCK is law so tough so tough :( Contract 3 just zap up everything.

Now, i'm also thinking of problems. It just can't stop bugging me. Its not that i don't want to say but i find it difficult to put it across.

I don't want to be a whiny and needy and useless and insecure and unhappy and grumpy and frumpy and irritating girlfriend. But fuck, i'm really at my fucking wit's end.

It's just one fucking module. And its like going to zap me of everything.

But i'm feeling better now. Maybe i should do this often.

TLaw is fucking calling for me.

FUCK YOU

u don't love me, do you :(

Happy Birthday

I was kindly requested to blog by silent readers. That sounds not no right but whatever it is, for the sake of you people, i'm going to BLOG out of my hectic timings.

Law test on Friday. HBM saturday. How sad. A saturday :( Law i'm two chapters down so be proud of me in merely two hours :)

No doubt this 18th birthday wasn't a good one because of the disappointments and happenings but nevertheless, it's supposed to be a happy occasion. And i think it quite is based on the surprises.

Celebrated advanced birthday with Baby & Co on Saturday. Before that went AMK for levis jeans and to receive a bunch of blue roses and balloons from _. (They ask me not to put their names here because they don't want people to know). It was my first surprise and they made m run up and down AMK Hub. Oh, to clarify, the roses were from a bunch of people so don't worry Baby :)

Thereafter went to Baby's house and this BIG BABY don't want to wake up. &%^$!@?# ANGRY! Hahas but in the end went to IT show at expo and parking was a killer. The crowd almost make me die on the spot but nevertheless quicken to buy hard disk from Maxtor and headed back.

Went to Stonegrill for dinner. Reviews: The ambience was nice, the food was good and the company of Baby was great but one thing is being the natural tourism student, i think they should improve on the menu. So much of FABM. I think my menu's so pretty, they should use it... LIKE NOT, it's so expensive because it's so chio and pretty and heartmelting and gaze-stopping. Okays. back to topic.

After stone grill went to K. And Baby surprised me with a cake. Like i don't know how he produced the cake but i was stunned when i saw him carrying the cake. Not to mention, damn pai seh as well. He didn't get me anything but i'm perfectly cool with it. Its the thought that matters. So stop asking and stop the critics, it's not helping.

Sunday didn't do much and slacked at his place before hanging around at AMK hub again. Oh, Baby and Daddy, Mummy, Jo got me another cake. Yes, my birthday is filled with CAKES and more CAKES.

Yesterday was my actual birthday. Switched off my phone because i need to sleep and woke up to nearing 60 messages. Thanks a whole lot people for remembering my birthday :) Lay Ying & Co jio-ed me out to Bugis. Headed to SSDC with Hui Qi for BTT booking. EXCITED!!! Because of this from the initial meeting time of 5 pm we dragged to 6pm. Sorry Sorry!

Went to eat steamboat and they surprised me again. Speechless i tell you. Make up set. And i thought they didn't have time since common tests and e-learning filled up every single space. Its much appreciated to the ten of you.
Lay Ying, Hui Qi, Shu Zhen, Jia Wen, Chu Wen, Ariana, Yao Wei, Yong Liang, Donovan and most surprisingly GARRETT.

From Garrett i was only expecting maximum a message like "Hey Happy birthday, Fuck you"

HAHA.

Thanks Evonne and boyfriend for the skirt from Pull and Bear
Thanks _(people) for the bunch of flowers and the balloon
Thanks LayYing & Co for the surprise
Thanks Daddy Mummy for the ang pows
Thanks Alan for the chocolates
Thanks Edgar for the Royce
Thanks G for the notes and sparkling juice
Thanks Liz & Co for the cake which ends up in my face
Thanks everyone who messaged me, msn me, called me, comment me, pm me, blog me. LOLS.

And thanks Baby for the weekend. Though it was nothing much and nothing in particular. But thanks for being there :D And Kokmeng too (i think he was the one who bought the cake)

It may not be the best birthday and in fact i was the worse because of stuff which happened. But to those who celebrated with me, thank you for making it memorable.

I'm 18 so what's my next step? Its giving me jitters.

Pictures uplodaded after CTs.

I promise. But promises are meant to be broken. HAHA

OH YEAH! BABY BROKE THE RECORD. He sang me "happy birthday" for more than 5 times i think. Or was it more.

And to you. Fuck off :)

:(

I don't think i mean anything to you.

Dec 12.

I miss the times when i was happy and laughing.

I am past

Or not i think. I thought i am like past caring but fuck i'm not. It really irritates me alot. So hence, im upset.

I'm fucking tired. Today is no fucking good day.

But i know who cares for me now. Even though with ulterior motives - Jerry.

okays. I'm fucking tired and i fucking want to go to bed.

Friends

Friends are like the umbrella you carry during a heavy downpour.

I'm having a sad birthday this year so please wish me to have a happy birthday. FUCK. I seriously don't want 2nd dec to come :(

Yao wei, Thanks :)


[b][c=4]・・・I・E・F・C[/c=4][/b] says:
happiness can be found even in the darkest of times when one only remembers to turn on the light haha
[b][c=4]・・・I・E・F・C[/c=4][/b] says:
so try to think positively

Although i won't turn on the light for fear of what is in store (to put it simply, i won't have expectations), thanks for cheering me up.

And friends are like the bowl of hot soup on a rainy day. So i will catch the falling star and put it in my pocket.

Peektures

Yesterday was hella fun i tell you. No doubt it was eventful. Errr. I shall emphasize later :) If you promise not to laugh. Although i'm sure you would. Like me :(

Went to town with Huiqi, Layying and Shu Zhen for celebrations and K-ing sessions. all of us were laughing our heads off as we tried to search for "Happy Birthday Song" in English and dialect. It was THAT funny. Especially for the dialect because apparently, we only know like a few sentences? Surprised Lay Ying with a cake consisting of 500g of durian. Heavenlicious :) Truly lip-smacking.

K-ed to about 7, had Botak Jones for dinner. Eric, Justin, Meng Hong, Isabel, G and etc saw me but they didn't really say hi. All those familiar faces and thanks for the sms-es when you saw me instead of popping and hi-ing me. -.- SHY or SHYY? LOL*

After the superb-filling-to-the-extent-of-puking dinner, went to ROAM the streets of Orchard and take some peektures :) I will collage it and update it in another post. I hope i will be free :(

Went WheelLock and saw Gary's sis working there, she really entertained my friends -.- took more pictures of the lightings and home sweet home :) There's nothing better than home or maybe? HAHA.

This year's theme seems to be X'mas in Wonderland. I think so. Even OPI has their series of X'mas Toyland. Maybe the connection?

Having been through celebrations, there is just this celebration i really look forward to but seriously, everytime i will tell myself, don't expect anything. Anything at all. This is how sad it is and it brought my mood down to sub zero point level. I realised i have been supressing myself to not expect anything, not think about anything, but hardly i could. So i stop mentioning and quit being excited The 18th is about to be bestowed on me. And whenever i think about what i will receive, i will want to cry.

Nevertheless, i'm really trying hard to plaster the smile on my face and act as if everything's okay.

In a nutshell, for once, I'm not looking forward to 2nd december. Again, reality hit back and i realise to _, it might just be another day. Another ordinary day. I'm sorry for those i turned down but i'm just not in the mood. And thanks to those who already gave me the presents :) Much appreciated.

God be it, Its such an emo post. Of course, Yours Truly doesn't deserve what the rest deserved.

Oh yeah, my horoscope this month: By dec 12, you have to decide, to love him or to leave him. HAHA. dumb.

And i mentioned the eventful? (AHA! You haven't been paying attention to Miss Teo have you. Tsk Tsk). Okays. I.FELL.DOWN. Its fucking painful and f.disgusting. I was looking for Hui Qi and i didn't mind the step in front of me and i fell/skidded.

The first thought that came to my mind: Sit nicer.

I repeated this to them and all of them LOL-ed me. I couldn't stand up and both of us didn't know what to do. I just sat and laughed. Typical -.- It stinged alot. And both my knees are injured. I walk like a penguin :( But fortunately i'm a white penguin because my hands are long enough (okay, thats random. inside joke).

Cried last night whilst changing the dressing. It bled non-stop. From the time i fell to like now? Although it pretty much got better. From fully covered with blood now its like, abit?

Whatever it is, ITS FUCKING PAINFUL.

I didn't realise it was bleeding until either of them told me. This is just the initial. it was worse.

The wound without lightings.

The wound after lightings. It covers the entire kneecap if you can see properly. HAHA. The middle pinkish part is my fucking flesh. I didn't know until my daddy came and told me :( Its painful. Really painful. The back of my head also have but i didn't plaster it. I think its okay already :)

Tommorrow's Saturday but i don't know what are my plans :( It makes me upset. Suddenly, i am drained of everything to plan and make things turn out well. Is this bad?

Maybe the truth is that, i'm upset. Period.

So if you see me, tell me to face up to reality, even though its harsh. It will be harsh.

I think i have to make a decision, and make it quick

It's the time of the month

I'm fast approaching 18. In fact in 7 days. Yes, no more faking through movies, pubs, clubs. Halfway to freedom. But come to think about it. What is freedom actually?

Does it make a difference that i'm 17 today and my birthday is the next day but yet unable to catch M18 movies or go into pubs? Do i get even more mature just after a span of one day? Because on my own birthdate would i then have the mentality and maturity of 18. That the person up there knows that day is my birthday and i automatically get mature? No?

Maybe its just the time of the month.

I was thinking. Just thinking. I have been giving too much. Maybe. Just maybe. If you were me, would you be able to do what i have done, give up what i gave up, sacrificed what i have sacrificed? I highly doubt so. Maybe i'm still young, i'm still naive, I'm still under protection that i forgot how harsh things or rather reality can be like.

This isn't enough. I need more. But how do i get more? I just feel so suppressed. I just want to be treated nicer. I just wanted to feel happy and contented. And most importantly, i want to stop holding back tears.

But sad to say, it is easier said than done.

I have no expectations anymore. Or to put things in a better mode, I don't dare to have any expectations. Yes, carry on and laugh this is how sad my life is. That i don't feel happy, contented and protected.

But whatever it is, this is my walk. Alone.

I normally cool with it BUT

This time round, you stepped on my tail, you cross the boundaries, you overshot the limit, you sped even faster than a flaming lamborghini, racing ferrari, F1 grand prix all mixed up together. Yes, this was how you insulted me. And damnit, i'm not taking it lying down just like that.

I don't give a damn whether you are reading or not because you don't even have my blog address and neither will i be so cruel as to defame you. To make points clear, i just want to rant and make my stand. Period.

I have been repeating this for like 98327465 times. I am NOT requesting him to stop or quit the habit/addiction/pastime/whatever you like to call it. I am merely requesting to cut down the intake for the sake of health and longevity and to turn immortal. Yes, i'm fucking bonkers.

I know whatever shit i have got to say or whatever i want, does not make a difference. Because i have no fucking say. Because my words don't carry any weight at all. I'm just unhappy, is that a problem? I'm unhappy because in my opinion, my eyes, my thinking, my thoughts he _ alot, and i'm a bit upset that being a girlfriend, my words seemingly don't mean a thing.

I don;t give a fuck if you hate me. I'm not controlling him, i give him the liberty just that maybe it's abit over the line so i pulled it back.

If i simply don't care, you would say i'm not a good and caring girlfriend
If i do what i'm doing now, you would say i'm controlling him.

Congratulations, you are awarded the top prize in contradicting yourself :)

I wasn't stumped for words, neither did i not know how to rebut. I very nearly did if not because of him. I would. God damnit i fucking would. And its all because of him, that i kept quiet, suck everything up (which i normally wouldn't) and drag it across together with the killer heels.

And to think you call me petty. NB. So what if my pronounciation isn't fantastic? Doesn't mean whatever doesn't sounds right out from me is wrong. Goodness. At least i am able to think. And not make presumptions (i guess).

Whatever it is, i don't give a single fuck if you hate me or you don't. Because i am fucking pissed off by your fucking stupid/contradictive thinking. To think _ thought .... neverminds. And i still think what i did wasn't wrong. Because i wasn't controlling. So much thanks to you, I'm giving up. I think you guys should be pretty happy. But note. What comes around goes around. Hurhur.

[/edit]
Okays. I'm still not over that episode but lets just leave it for a moment.

Caught REC with Baby and his friends at Vivo on Saturday and traffic was a killer. The queue to carpark was tremendously "short". The show was sccarrryyyy and i fell asleep in the beginning cause i was too tired and it was kinda boring in the beginning. But guess what, once i heard the screamings i woke up and i got freaked out &*#*(*?!@. And my tears dropped. And i nearly cry for the entire movie. My hands were covering my entire face. It was the worse movie position i ever had. HAHA. Nevertheless, for those who know me and believe, i have't seen such stuff yet. Enlighten me yo!

Oh Oh. Ah ma kind of like Baby :) Weehee~ Obviously -.- visited her on Sat and Baby literally became our translator. I can't stop laughing.

Hopefully this Sat we can make it to Mt Faber, Jewelbox. I don't need a big celebration. I just need you with me :) Simple and sweet right.

Anyway, Baby's gonna be pretty free this week :( I don't like. HAHA. No la. Hopefully he don't go and talk to some chais. LOL. Aiya. Girlfriend not pretty enough :( So sad!

And Common Tests are comiinnngggg... SAVE ME!

So many celebrations. So many things to do. URGHS.

I want Samsung Innov8 :( Boohoo

PS: will update sentosa and ecp pics. Wait for it.

I'm effing tired. Law tommorow. Someone kill me?

I have nothing to say.

Letter A
Are you available? No :)
What is your age? 18
What annoys you? People who thinks they are "IT" or their foreheads are pasted "I'm superior, fuck off"

Letter B
Do you live in a big house?: Its Comfortable :)
When is your birthday?: o2 Dec 1990
Who is your best friend?: You <3

Letter C
What's your favorite candy?: Like Hard candy? I don't know.
Who's your crush?: Tak Adah
When was the last time you cried?: Felt like - Just now? Actual tears - Yesterday cause of REC.

Letter D
Do you daydream? Like who don't? *I'm a mermaid*
What's your favorite kind of dog?: Siberian Husky
What day of the week is it?: Friday, Saturday - WEEKENDS

Letter E
How do you like your eggs?: Scrambled, Sunny side - i dig eggs
Have you ever been in the emergency room?: Yes
What's the easiest thing ever to do?: Laughing

Letter F
Have you ever flown in a plane?: Yeah
Do you use fly swatters?: Yeah - on an ant -.-
Have you ever used a foghorn?: Singapore isn't that foggy

Letter G
Do you chew gum?: Its banned and i'm a good citizen
Are you a giver or a taker?: Both
Do you like gummy candies?: Certain

Letter H
How are you?: I'm fine, thank you
What color is your hair?: Brown? Reddish hue? Streaks gold? (why so ah lian __)

Letter I
What's your favorite ice cream?: Chocolate, Strawberry, Sweet corn, Peppermint - i think all la.
Have you ever ice skated?: YES!
Do you play an instrument?: YES! Er hu, Gao hu, Zhong hu, Ruan and the list goes on.

Letter J
What's your favorite jelly bean brand?: No preferences
Do you wear jewelry?: Yes :) That ring and stud

Letter K
Who do you want to kill?: Him and Her.
Do you want kids?: Yes, if childbirth wasn't so painful, process wasn't so antagonizing and children are obedient *dream on*
Where did you go for kindergarten?: PAP at Simei :)

Letter L
Are you laid back?: Don't think so. What do you think?
Do you lie? Err. Duh?

Letter M
Whats your favorite movie?: Alot alot many many much much
Do you still watch Disney movies?: YES! OMG.
Do you like mangos?: Definitely

Letter N
Do you have a nickname?: Rie, Princess, Baby for him :)
What is your real name?: Carrie
Whats your favorite number?: 3 and 15
Do you prefer night over day?: Yes, because Baby can call me and its time to sleep meaning no troubles !

Letter O
What's your one wish?: To lead a happy life with no worries over money, studies, love, life, friends....
Are you an only child?: Fortunately, NOT.

Letter P
What one fear are you most paranoid about?: Many
What are your pet peeves?: Annoying me?
What's a personality trait you look for in people?: Real.

Letter Q
What's your favorite quote?: "If you ever lose your faith, look at yourself through my eyes" - Carrie (To gary) IT RHYMES LA.
Are you quick to judge people?: Pretty quick.

Letter R
Do you think you're always right?: When i think i'm right, i will fight hard for it so i'm right :)
Are you one to cry?: Kind of. Venting sadness and anger in a good way.

Letter S
Do you prefer sun or rain?: Depending
Do you like snow?: COURSE!
What's your favorite season?: Autumn and Winter :)

Letter T
What time is it?: 12.25 am
What time did you wake up?: i forgot :p
When was the last time you slept in a tent?: One thousand years ago ?

Letter U
Are you wearing underwear?: HEHE. yes -.-
Underwear or boxers?: Shy lahs. LOLS. former.

Letter V
What's the worst veggie?: CELERY (nb what good is it)
Where do you want to go on vacation?: Paris, France or maybe just Bali or Palm Island or maybe Costa Rica or like Dubai. I don't know leis.

Letter W
What's your worst habit?: Straightforward
Where do you live?: In your heart. LOL.
What's your worst fear?: Many

Letter X
Have you ever had an x-ray?: Yes :(
Have you seen the x-games?: qu'est-ce que c'est ?
Do you own a xylophone?: Nope

Letter Y
Do you like the color yellow?: At times and i will go "its a sunny yellow banana day!"
What's one thing you yearn for?: That Coach/burberry wallet. Or. Samsung Innov8. Fucksz. No la. For Baby to be fine :)

Letter Z
Whats your zodiac sign?: Sagittaurus
Do you believe in the zodiac?: Half.
Favorite zoo animal?: White tigers. Fucking chio.

Yao Wei, I read your blog okay! HAHA

I don't want my hopes dashed

I have not been updating on my life. It has been quite hectic and i'm pretty lazy. So with the constant nagging, this is for you guys :)

Had spa demo today - chopsticks massage. It was fun! And i might even get to work as a therapist at Rustic Nirvana. Note: Might.

I received a pretty amount of birthday gifts already. Yes, its that advanced. And i sincerely thank all of you. From the bottom of my heart, my deepest sincerity, thank you.

And i'm very much about to buy Coach wallet :) Since Juicy fails me.

And my weekends are definitely with Baby :) Its a black-out period okay. LOL. Room rates are higher... Brain-washed by HBM. Seriously. The pay just perks my mood. It wakes me up instantly! Not only me okay!

Okays, back to topic. So we went to East Coast Park 2 weeks ago and Sentosa last week :) It was fun with such outdoor activities. At least a change of surroundings. But nevertheless, wherever it may be i'm not complaining :)

At times, i just simply feel hopeless and lost when i know he is upset but yet i can't do much. Any amount of comforting words doesn't lighten the situation. No, i don't blame him for that. On the contrary, I blame yours truly.

Words do fail me now. An utter disgrace to a person who is strong in literature. Or, who supposedly was strong in it.

I'm in no mood to blog.

My hopes aren't high

Don-Sir tagged me so how can i not return the tag right? I'm born nice because i'm a mixture of sugar, spice and everything nice -.-

1. What is your full name?
Carrie Teo Wei Zhi but otherwise Rie or Princess Rie :)

2. Are you single?
No eh. Happily attached :)

3. What is your favourite number[s]?
No preference.

4.What is/are your favourite colour?
PINK la!!!

5.Least favourite colour[s]?
Dugly brown

6.What are you thinking now?
TORT. No la. SLEEP. BED.

7. Are you happy with your life right now?
Nobody will be happy. I'm satisfied.

8.What are your favourite subjects in school?
TDM.

9. Do you shop at malls?
Course!

10.Where do you wish to be right now?
Bed.

11. What should you be doing now?
Thinking of In the case law of Koh Get Kee v Low Beng Hui, the off-duty police officer who was armed shot his friend during off-duty hours. The court held that ............

12.Do you have any crush on anyone?
Nope:)

13.When was the last time you bought a clothing item?
Last week? HEHE.

14. What was the last thing you drank?
Apple Tea

15. Do you hate liars? Do you hate backstabbers?
Comment-less

16. Can you make yourself sneeze?
Ahchoo?

17. Do you fall for people easily?
People fall for me. No la. Just kidding.

18. What does your last text msg read?"
"oh,btw,the i&e teacher reply alr?" - LayYing
not yet :(

19. Are you too forgiving?
Maybe...

20.How many windows are open on your computer?
8

21.Who was your last call from?
BABY!

22.What do you do with most of your time?
Go out, sleep, chat.

23.Will you & your ex get back again?
Over my dead body :)

24.Do you sleep with the TV on?
I scared the ghost crawl out of the TV so no. -.-

25. Which of your close friends live the closest?
I don't know leis.

26.Which item could you not live during the day?
Handphone

27. Would you share a drink with a stranger?
I don't think so.

28.How was your weekend?
Fulfilling and loved.

29.Do you believe ex[s] can be friends?
Maybe just "hello, byebye"

30. The last person you quarrelled with?
My mum.

31.The way to win your heart?
errr. Make me love you ? HAHA

32.What did you do last night?
Do ECD until i almost grew wings and halo. fuck

33. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?
No. I'm the one with the tiara who can be the same as me ? *daydreams*

34.Are you looking for a boyf/girlf?
I have one :)

35.One song that is meaningful to you?
Chain Hang Low :)

36.Do you twirl or scoop your spaghetti?
I twirl it happily.

37.Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
What if got melamine? :(

38.How long is your hair?
Long but i want it longer.

39.Do you like batman?
I prefer Cinderella, Ariel. HAHA. Batman's kinda cute with the coolness :)

40.Who was the last person who told you that they love you?
Baby :) loveyou

41.When was the last time you sang out loud?
NOW. "Pa tor yao yao ..."

42.What did you have for breakfast?
Muah Chee and Lychee Red Tea.

43.Is your birthday on a holiday?
Used to be but its COMMON TESTS. ARGGGHHH

44.Can you cook?
Yes but for Baby only. LOL

45.Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
dance camp

46.What was the reason for the last troubles you were in?
Law.

47.which do you wear more? sweats 0r jeans.
SHORTS

48. When is your birthday?
2 December 1990

49. Do you swear alot?
Curbed

50. What was your first achololic drink?
Tiger

51.Do you have any regrets?
Course

52. Who would you like to see now?
Baby :(

53.Have the cops ever come to your house?
DADDY!

54. Are you a social or anti-social person?
SOCIAL.

55.Who are your best friends?
You know who you are.

56. Ever been in love?
Be in love.

57. Ever had braces?
No eh.

58. What do you wear to bed?
Sleep wear?

59.Who was the last person who disappointed you?
_.

60. Do you trust people?
Trust the trustables.

61. Who was the first person you talk to today?
Daddy. He pulled me out of my bed :'(

62. Who was the first person who text you today?
Hui Qi

63. what was the first thing you did today?
What to wear ar....

:(

I just feel so redundant.

Or maybe i shouldn't be there to take up the space.

Ifuckingfeellikecryingbutifuckingcantcausepeoplewillaskmefuckingdumbquestionswhichifuckingdon'twanttofuckinganswerasiseenofuckingpoint.

fuck off?

:)

Created by OnePlusYou

Am i a priority or an option.

Baby will be booking out soon but i don't think i'm meeting him today. Moodless i guess.

I'm starting to think. Am i a priority or an option? Am i irreplaceable or replaceable. Am i indispensible or dispensible?

Because i'm not as good-looking, i don't deserve better.

Really. It has been just so long... That i'm on the verge of giving it up.

iloveyoudoyou?

Pictures of You, Pictures of Me, combines and it forms - Happy Family

Baby's on outfield at some ulu place. Even with the advanced technology, its impossible to reach him. Simply because handphones aren't allowed :( At this modern time and day and age and era, whatever have you, handphones aren't a luxury but a necessity. Agree? HAHA.

So i haven't heard his voice for like 3 days nearing 4? The time period seem to relatively short but i miss him. An undeniable fact. And because i was super ill, i didn't send him a message before he left :( I very want to but, sighs, lets not elaborate. Thinking about it makes me depressed. And Allen was mocking at my stupid face when i happily replied her that Baby's outfield ends on Thursday -.- Happy cannot meh~

Nevertheless, these past few days were quite packed. So i was quite tired out and i could actually fall asleep during the short 5 mins break during HBM lecture. This is how tired i get from school :( Oh oh oh. And Obama won today :) I support him because of some unknown instinct reasons. Hopefully, this would lighten the economic crisis as i forsee 2009 to be bad, very bad. Lesser spending and pulling purses tight.

Things happened between the both of us if readers are interested. I'm not gonna say what or why. Leave it to enigma and only the close few knew what happened. It's kond of painful to be stuck in between your close friend and your boyfriend and yet have to pacify both sides. Sometimes i really feel that i'm running out of strength to tackle all this stuff. And i all i feel like doing is to rant and to let out my steam or just curl out somewhere and be silent. But to my friend, could you let me do what i think is right? No?

I don't know if he's reading my blog. Maybe yes, maybe no. Actually, it doesn't really matter. HAHA. If he sees what i posted for him, good. If not, then too bad. So don't ask me, "does gary read your blog?" I'm not him so i don't know.

And again, this is an apology post. Yes, i'm always doing something bad. I'm sorry Baby. Sorry for what i said and how i acted on that Sunday. Seriously, i didn't want it but i got too upset. And Sorry for what happened last weekend. Neither of it was entirely yours to be blamed for. But yet, i acted in such a way.

Perhaps i was too selfish to consider only my feelings all the time. I forgot that you too, would get tired and just want to laze around. I forgot that you too, need time to ponder over your thoughts. Sometimes i just get too caught up with trying to spend time with you that i forgot, you need your own space.

Although its hard to understanding at times, hard to be fine, hard to be dependent on myself. And sometimes, i get disappointed because i get too little of you. But i think i can manage. All i need is that bit of attention, that security, that love. It sounds a lot i know. HAHA.

You're not the perfect boyfriend. Neither are you the sweetest, most romantic or whatever. But what more can i ask for when you already tried to give me your all? Maybe this is just sufficient. I don't need ample to be happy, sufficient would suffice.

I asked you if you think we can last. Both of us shrugged our shoulders and you said its up to me. Seeing things now, i think i'm the troublemaker and you, the peacemaker. Sorry Baby :( Although i do hope this would last but nevertheless, the future is always a question mark, definitely an uncertainty. Hence the saying, tomorrow remains a mystery that's why life is full of surprises. I'll try to make this work.

Whatever it is, unless fate forbids, trust me when i say i'll be there. When you get tired of running, turn around and i'll be by your side cheering you on. When you lose faith, picture yourself in my eyes, and you'll see the elite in you. When you're upset or down, i'll cheer u up with my never ending stupid actions and dumb jokes. When you need a shoulder or a listening ear, you can count on me. When life's starting to be a drag, a warm hug would lighten your load:)

For every single moment or thing i pissed or upset you, im sorry. It wasn't on purpose. I haven't been a very good girlfriend, this is a fact i know. Whatever it is, you were always the peacemaker, very unlike me. Or rather, The exact opposite of yours truly. Thanks love :)



So cute right. Thursday is commmiiinnnggggg....

And my birthday is coming in like 3 more weeks and I'll officially be EIGHTEEN. That magical number which allows me to do whatever i want. Errr. Okay la. Not everything but MOST. Although under the law i'm still an infant/minor. HAHA. It sounds abit wwwrrrooonnnggg. Whatever, i can sue you but it doesn't make me very happy. Okays, i'm talking to myself, AGAIN.

I received my first birthday present. Yeah. Its super duper early but thanks Clara! And Grace wanted to purchase couple lab vouchers for me and *. Haha! Damn funny when she sound so dejected over the phone. My birthday still long la please.

I told Daddy i want that pink volkswagen beetle and he told me, "I think the toy shop is just round the corner" :( Neverminds. Daddy, just get me either

1. Sony's PINK Camera, or
2. Coach Wallet, or
3. an Ang Bao filled with cash amounting to 500 bucks.

Carrie, stop dreaming. HAHA. Why Coach not LV right? Cause Coach is "C", ITS MY GOD DAMN INITIALS. And its cheaper :) Okays. Its time for me to wake up. But i really want either of the options :( Neverminds, i shall SAVE. For now, dream on, Carrie.

I'm not intending to celebrate my birthday lavishly. There were debates on chalet or hotel but NO. Because, i don't like. In the end people would be fighting over space and i feel bad if i do leave out people. No?

And i want to go on the flyer. BADLY. FLYER FLYER CARRIE WANTS TO GO ON SINGAPORE FLYER.

Okays. I need some media therapy. Some pictures i edited.



The people who play a part in my life :)

And of course, the love of my life.

我要的幸福很简单-我只要你爱我:)

Love is love when it incorporates the five tastes - sweet, sour, bitter, salty.

Clarification

I think this is gonna be a long post because i have yet to be updating this space of mine. Now, i need to clarify certain things.

Firstly, if anyone from TR01 is reading this. I need to clarify something. That particular blog post wasn't just pin pointing at anyone. Yes, i have my certain displeasure regarding this and that, she and him. But i don't take it personally. What i meant was just that i feel fucking unfair to my friends and I. Hence, the post.

Look, we have been taking her/them ever since we can choose our project mates. Don't fucking deny. Perhaps it isn't all the time or every single fucking time. But still, majority, we took her/them. I'm sure most of you would agree.

Hence to say, the T.Law grouping just ignite my already burning flame to a more exaggerated extent. I know you fucking don't want her/them but it doesn't means we are okay with it. Or that we don't mind. Accepting them doesn't means we are simply some nua nua fucking pushovers. No, its harder than that.

It was the fucking attitude that it was for granted we should take her/them. Seriously. This is the fucking matter which fucked us up so badly. We aren't fucking scapegoats? Why can't we fucking share this fucking matter together? Seriously, don't just take it for granted that someone (WE) will accept this and voila. Fucking no?

[/edit]

Whatever it is. At least things were "cleared". I suppose. I'm sorry to whoever i offended. But come to think of it, the starting point of this. Neverminds.

Anyway, i'm officially sick. 2 drips 2 nights. I'm always sick. Tsk.

I'm so into bling-ing now. Ds Lite is bling-ed. Mouse is bling-ed. What's next. HAHA. And its super duper CHIO i tell you. DS is so blinding i think i can see it like 9324894357 miles away?

Baby's out on outfield. I miss him.

I'm too sick/sad/tired/lazy/retarded/nothing to blog.

Tomorrow :D

Losers is spelt as L-O-S-E-R-S

I don't know what the hell is going on right now but i feel that i ought to fucking know. There's no use in speaking things behind my back. Seriously. I heard, i felt, i saw the fucked up things going on. And all those stuff wasn't true.

Whatever lahs. And i'm still sick. NB.

will blog soon.

Verge of death

I'm. Dead. Tired.

Maybe because i fell ill again. I can't pull myself out of bed this morning to attend school. The alarm was snoozed 9382749 times when i finally dragged myself out from my bed. School's starting to get very hectic already :(

My energy is zapped already seriously. I'm too tired to actually think of things or bother to question about anything. Actually, i'm pretty frustrated now >.<

Oh yeah. Please don't say like "I have lesser sleep than you" or stuffs like that. Because, i can't fall into a pretty much deep sleep as you :(

I'm fucking tired. I want to go to bed. NOW.

SO LEAVE ME ALONE. thismeansdon'tcallmedon'tsmsmedon'tmsnmedon'tfindmedon'twhateverokay?

[/edit]
Its Saturday.

Meeting stupid boyf for lunch. Idk why is she near my area. My nose is gonna fall off soon, 3,2,1. its irritably uncomfortable. And my wonderful boyf didn't answer my call :( What a good boyf. HAHA. So i'm lunching with my sister because BOYF I'M TOO HUNGRY ALREADY.

I feel something's missing. Passion? And this isn't good. I can be so non-chalent but why am i still _. (i can't think of any noun/verb/adjective/adverb)

Okays. I'm super irritated.

And to add on, I'm hungry. I have said this like 923785 times. And my nose is gonna fall off. This explains my irritation i suppose.

I think i rather die la. #&#*(^@

And no gym/badminton tomorrow. TUTORIAL TUTORIAL TUTORIAL. na beh

This suck BIG TIME.

This suck. And it really sucks big time.

I was really pissed off this morning in school by some people (I shall not practice name calling). Okay. I know for the fact that nobody wants extra work. Neither does anyone wants to feel as thouhg their guts are coming out from their mouths which lead to a bloody death. So why do you just shove it down to us every fucking single time?

Its not our fucking duty to take them in. Nor is that our fault that we have a bigger clique. Since this is a project, then why are we put at such a disadvantage. You guys don't want means don't want. So we can't do anything but act like some pushovers la. This has been going on all the time. Please don't tell me you have worked with her, we are the ones working with her most of the time okay so please don't compare because you would just be so insignificant in comparison.

I speak of things directly in him/her/their fucking face and not being like some backstabbers. Act to be alright with the person superficially but behind him/her/them say bad stuff. This does not make you superior, this only helps you to invite trouble. Or maybe to you, you think that its something easy to solve because as long as you don't kena her everything is fucking fine. For this i seriously salute you with two slaps on each cheek. Well. Nearly. So if you have any things you're fucking unhappy with, say it right out.

Please don't try to be sarcastic. I seriously don't like it. And please don't step on my toes, i just want to live my life low profile-ed. The more i think of it, the more pissed off i get. Don't fucking say the world's unfair so nothing's fair. This is way beyond unfairness.

If i get this again, it would be the fucking final straw.

Anyway. I don't think i will blog soon again so Happy Birthday Yao Wei :)

BUT. Why do such people even exist? I'm peeved. I'm already being very tactful for not writing the names down and for speaking so kindly in the beginning. But my tolerance has its limits.

But whatever it is, I'm glad to have someone there :) I realised it has been a while since peektures are up so here's some of them. Not in any sequence. I'm effing tired >:(

During the F1 season. Ready. Get Set. GO!!!!!

I know the last picture scared you but i don't care la. HAHA. Its Wednesday already. Weekends are coming right up.

I need my beauty sleep in order not to stay hideous. Nights people:)

And nights Baby. I love you :)

Its been a long while.

It has been 8 days since i last blogged. Yawns. Pretty busy and tied up with stuff.

Glad to say 30% of SPM is gone :) Business tourism was an utter success and it felt great! Although i discovered one irritating girl from the Year 1 and i almost felt like gorging her eyes out. But no. I'm cultured. And it opened my eyes to the kind of pretigious school student's attitude. I was seriously wow-ed at their ability to be able to act almighty and stuff. When obviously, they are plain Janes.

And speaking of this. I realised there's like almost no mutual respect in my course. Seriously. If you want people to go to your booths and make everything stay in plan. Do it back to the others. And not, forgoing what we are trying to say, eating into our rest time, not hosting us like how we hosted you and making a fool out of yourself/himself/herself. And i thought all of us are adults. So this is how adults act. Ahhh. Now i finally grasp WHY.

But whatever it is, its one project down, counting on to Open House :) Its gonna be a mad house again but somehow, events are the thing that drives me on. I think i'm crazy to love to be busy. At least i die of being tired out rather than being bored to death. This sentence structure seems to be quite wrroonnnggg.

The modules this sem are more tourism based which is a good thing but modules like Tourism Law requires a great depth of understanding. I'm getting used to terms like doctrine of precedent, tort and etc. I think i will enjoy TDA and SPM a lot a lot a lot.

But this is the time whereby i wished it was still the holidays cause i can wake up at any time i like. I'm literally dragging my feet which then dragged my body and then dragged my mind to school.

Weekends were again spent with boyfriend. Was supposed to head to town or sthg or another with the girls on Saturday afternoon but because of certain things, i didn't go. HAHA. Met up with Baby then had dinner, walked around and went for movie - Tropic Thunder.

Same thing for this movie, I don't really like it because the hilarious parts are only that few and with the repetition of it, it gets boring. Especially since i freaked out. But nevertheless, the company was good but i was too tired to smile. Since my heels were taking my life away. Yes, it hurts that badly.

And my juicy wallet went up to smoke. $%^#!@(*^%# I super want it but after three tries, i give up already. I'm looking at Coach. Cause its "C" and it stands for Carrie! Why am i so lame -.- But whatever it is, i need a new wallet. TSK!

Baby's HOMESICK. I don't think hes gonna read this. HAHA. But well. I support you Baby! Weekends are approaching fast! YAY!

Okay. i need some television therapy. shall blog soon.

我只要

我只要快快乐乐度过每天。我的要求会太过分吗？

心真的痛到极点。想公制眼泪也力不从心。

My birthday is still far away so don't ask me what i want. Because i just want to be happy. I just want to be happy.

Why Tell me WHY

Explain to me to the greatest, nitty gritty detail why. Why am I always left like this? It's so fucking disheartening.

Why is life so hectic? Does this only happen in Singapore? Sometimes I feel 24 hours a day is sufficient but more often than not, I feel 24 hours isn't enough at all. Life's seem to be routine-ed. Work. Play. Date. Sleep. Eat. Drink. It’s the same old fucking vicious cycle. No matter how much fun life is now. One day, it would just get boring. And good heavens, by that time you realised you have half of your lifetime to spend. To spend in the same old cycle.

I took in gulps of the night's serenity. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale again. Exhale again. But with so many things running through my mind, I feel my breathing to be more of sighing. Every exhalation is an exclamation of tiredness, despair, disheartened, upset all mixed into one big bubble.

Everyone has got hopes and expectations. Everyone. I want to be a fucking doctor. I want to be a fucking millionaire. And we pay dearly for that. We pay with half of our lifetime slogging our fucking guts out. To the extent, we almost had no childhood in comparison. How many of us actually remember our childhood as being fucking carefree. No. What we remember is the fear which grip us when we forgot to - say - bring a pencil to meet our K2 teacher. Pathetic. So fucking pathetic.

So I ask myself in the lonesome serene night, what am I living for? But too bad, life's like this. What else can I do but suck it up and go through the London Bridge. Claim that I lead a pathetic life? Look at yourself, your life's pretty pathetic as well. Don't give me shit u have the bestest friends or the most wonderful boyfriend. Seriously. At any point, you will feel exactly like me.

I desperately need to go meditate, hibernate whatever. And i need my assurance too Mr. Boyf.

To heck with that. I'm still living the sad life in a sad life but I fucking don't sympathize myself. And even if I do weep, I will weep in the embrace of the silent night. Thank You Very Much.

F-U-C-K

I'm fucking pissed off. Seriously. Cannot tahan. And all i can do is scold FUCK FUCK FUCK. Sounds so wrong right. BIMBO SHIT.

I'm fucking tired la. Fucking busy.

#$^&^$#!

You fucking suck.

Do away the cliche

Peopl say Big girls don't cry. A way to console someone, or rather themselves.

Been up to my neck lately. With the spate of things going on, i hardly can keep my sanity going on strong though i know i have to. But many a time, i feel like just throwing everything and live in a secluded planet.

Yes, i know. You must be thinking something's wrong with me again. In a way, Yes but in another, No.

Because of "big girls don't cry". I withheld every ounce of unhappiness any drop of tear within the great wall of mine. Its tough having to pretend everything's okay when you're not. The only solace you can find is the four great walls or the bed. Accompanying it, lonely nights of silence.

Things hasn't gone wrong, not yet. But i'm tired already. Can i finish running this race? Or rather, can you just stop zapping me of my energy already? I'm very tired. Really tired. I'm tired to be that ever cheerful personality, tired of being the strong pillar, tired of being understanding and every nitty gritty thing. Because, i don't get my rewards. Because, i don't get what i deserved. The other way round, I got even more stuff to handle.

I keep myself upbeat and entertained all the time. And i tell you, its tough. Its tough to keep your spirits up when you're down. When you really needed a listening ear, it so happens that only your favourite soft toy is available and you communicate only to yourself. When you really need a hug, it so happens the only object you can hug is still your favourite soft toy.

Moving on, all i needed was some kind of assurance. I'm sick of telling myself to THINK positively. So much that my head hurts. Its splitting already. I pride myself on this, "I don't need many to love me, I just need one". At times, i really feel alone. Like now.

Neverminds. Its okay. By tomorrow i would still be the Masked-Carrie.

But i tell you, it hurts.

and then,

Big girls do cry, big girls like me.

I wonder how is it like to live and bask in happiness all the time. I really wonder how it feels like.

Sad to say

Weekends are approaching to a close again. By and by soon, school will then reopen and all the junk would come flooding in. I was just starting to enjoy my holidays! Ugh.

Work at F1 booth is a TOTAL DISASTER. First up, flyer distributor. I mean we weren't "hired" or "supposed" to give out dumb car stickers/decals. I was damn fed up with the job. I thought we were supposed to mingle, chit chat about Singapore GP season. I kind of regret doing this ambassador thingy but i have to say Clarke Quay was really worth the experience. Oh well. Good and Bad. And i'm not working today. Pffftt. We should just go on a strike :) It makes me happier.

Whatever it is. I'm happy to get it over and done with already. I'm looking forward to Wednesday :) Although the company of the people was uber fantastic. And and and the many faces i saw. It was super embarassing in the race ambassador attire but it was great to see so many familiar faces.

- I made an ang moh banged his head against a lamp post. (This isn't my fault)
- Some stupid small ah beng walked past me one thousand times and over and asked me for my number (so lame -.-)
- Someone called gary tried to flirt with me but i have my own gary :)

Weekends spells meeting up with my boyfriend :D Friday after work went looking for Baby and yesterday Baby came to my booth to wait for 8.45pm to finally drragggg by. Watched painted skin. Its boring. Seriously. Its gore not thriller not horror. Its damn damn fucking disgusting. YUCK. But whatever it is. I still enjoy weekends with him.

The abercrombie and fitch shirt has arrived. The cuts are deliberately there, it isn't used nor worn nor second hand item please. I happily imported it causing a huge huge hole in my wallet. I should have listened and opted for the wallet. But neverminds. I like it. Hopefully he likes it too :)

I have peektures to post. I know i owe quite a number. I want to edit what. Ya carrie just stop procrastinating. Tsk.

Baby's playing basketball now. I'm waiting for him now. But i think i'm going to fall asleep now. I feel so pigged now. So how now brown cow?

So brown cow told me to go and sleep. My head is splitting like crazy.