It's SUNDAY and i'm at Baby's house -.- Apparently he enjoys watching teevee in a standing position with both hands at the back. Does this make a show nicer? Maybe i should try it.
The holidays have officially started though i seem to be holiday-ing for quite some time. Spm re-test on X'mas eve. So utterly saddening. Nevertheless, suck it up, get it over and done with.
Twilight is out. Yes, with anticipated bated breath, IT.IS.FINALLY.OUT. The bitterness, sweetness into a whirlpool of romance and love. I'm so gonna watch it. Anyone?
The world's roller coaster ride pales in comparison with what i have been going through these few days. I don't really like the way i'm acting and feeling now. That i don't have a certain fixture of emotion and thoughts at one point of time. I can be happy but sad. Either at the same time or concurrently. I know it's ironical. But i don't know why.
Perhaps i do know why but i just can't get it out. I'm too smitten and delved into my own persnal thoughts. And the sad reality is, i have no idea how to extricate myself from this tangled web.
I'm not a child, but still, i crave for my own attention and surprises. Maybe i should mail to myself a X'mas card and act surprised (re-enact Mr bean). I'm just kidding. So my life has slowed its pace and it turned monotonous. From a colourful and vibrant to a black-and-white one.
Even my 18th birthday which i initially thought would be a blast sometime ago turns out so much otherwise. I don't intend or impend any celebrations but i didn't expect it to suck so much. Oh God, it's already over so why am i still harping on it.
Things are just so different now. Issit because i'm growing older or because i inhibit myself? I'm still young, i need my fun but i seem to have lost that element. How?
And i can't help asking am i the priority or just an option ?
Or worse, neither.
Maybe Christmas would do some good for me. Maybe it's time for me to yet again reflect and think about how things are going. Maybe it's time for me to sort out my own thoughts.
But it's still an enigma. Maybe even after all these Maybe's, i'm still back to square one.
Nevertheless, looking into my drawer and the Coach wallet makes me happier.
So Santa, Please make me a happy girl of 18 in 2008.
It might be all but a reverie now
but it may become a dejavu later.
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