It's the time of the month

I'm fast approaching 18. In fact in 7 days. Yes, no more faking through movies, pubs, clubs. Halfway to freedom. But come to think about it. What is freedom actually?

Does it make a difference that i'm 17 today and my birthday is the next day but yet unable to catch M18 movies or go into pubs? Do i get even more mature just after a span of one day? Because on my own birthdate would i then have the mentality and maturity of 18. That the person up there knows that day is my birthday and i automatically get mature? No?

Maybe its just the time of the month.

I was thinking. Just thinking. I have been giving too much. Maybe. Just maybe. If you were me, would you be able to do what i have done, give up what i gave up, sacrificed what i have sacrificed? I highly doubt so. Maybe i'm still young, i'm still naive, I'm still under protection that i forgot how harsh things or rather reality can be like.

This isn't enough. I need more. But how do i get more? I just feel so suppressed. I just want to be treated nicer. I just wanted to feel happy and contented. And most importantly, i want to stop holding back tears.

But sad to say, it is easier said than done.

I have no expectations anymore. Or to put things in a better mode, I don't dare to have any expectations. Yes, carry on and laugh this is how sad my life is. That i don't feel happy, contented and protected.

But whatever it is, this is my walk. Alone.