To You

I don't know whether you would be reading this. Neither would i know whether you would ever read this but maybe this helps me feel better.

Army is an obstacle to family ties, relationship and sometimes even friendship as it brings about changes to your current lifestyle. Yet, this is what every warm blooded male in Singapore has to go through whether you like it or not. Its a love hate issue with regards to NS that i bet you can't agree more. You might say you hate NS now but once you ORD-ed, and you reflect back, NS is one of the time of the days which would be etched forever in your memory lane.

I remember the first day sending you inside camp. I had to admit i wasn't that accustomed but as the days grew, i became more confident of myself to be able to persevere and tolerate for 2 years. Until now, the point still stands strong. Somehow or rather, i know you doubt my ability but lets just wait and see.

I learnt what is the meaning of quality over quantity. I remembered you saying after going in, you learnt to cherish more. I do too. From you, i learnt to cherish whatever time we have left together and it doesn't apply only to you but to the people around me as well. It doesn't mean the more time you are being together means the stronger the relationship would be. I have used this many a time and i shall use it again. Though cliche, "Absences makes the heart grow fonder". Maybe its because there are plenty more things to chat to debate to enjoy when you're distant. I don't know but for me its true.

Baby, I don't mind having lesser time on the phone. What is important is to take good care of yourself. Just a simple five minutes and a message from you and i'm contented. I know i might be a tad too demanding because despite knowing you're so tired out and stuff i still demand for a message before you plonk off to bed. For this, i apologize. I'm still trying hard to get accustomed of not having any nightly messages. But in the meanwhile, please do try to bear with me. In time to come, hopefully i can be even more independent than what i already am.

Remember you asked my why i mentioned that i felt insecure? I didn't want to tell you that time because i don't want to be spoil your weekend troubling over some stuff which isn't logical, which is trivial, which isn't important. I want you to enjoy your book out, your freedom. I feel insecure because i constantly carry the worry that someday, i might mutate into your burden rather than someone who can lift your burden. And because of this, i worry about our relationship. I worry that one day, you'll just get sick and tired of me. I worry that one day when the love is gone, you refuse to tell me. I'm afterall, just the plain old Carrie. So my worry stems from the thought you might just give up.

Sometimes, i find myself kind of useless. To be unable to solve your problems but instead add fuel to fire because i'm always knocking into things or getting ill. All i could do is to be there to listen to your problems and give you a hug when i feel like it. Trying to come up with dumb jokes and stupid ideas to form a U shape on your face. It doesn't matter to me whether i sound stupid, look stupid, at least i tried my best to make your day a better one. Well. Hopefully i did.

Trainings are tough and even tougher from what you have heard and known. Giving up NDU seems like the best solution. But Baby, is that the only solution? I don't want you to get hurt or injured or harmed in any way or another. Whatever you're going through or would be going through you're not alone. Physically, Your mates are with you. Mentally, your family, friends and I am with you. I promise i will do 1oo push ups, sit ups, crunches in relative to the three songs which will kill me. But this is 有福同享有难同当:P

I don't mind listening to you and your friends rant on and on about army whilst sitting there. Cause i'm learning and i'm listening. Maybe from that little knowledge i gained. That little insight i learnt. I might be able to better understand your situation and plight and give the right comments.

Baby. Don't get disheartened, don't get uptight. I'm not a fan of liverpool but i assure you, You Would Never Walk Alone. The world can give you up, but i would still be pressing on. Sounds super cliche i know. Whatever decision you make, you don't have to worry. You have got me behind your back supporting your decision. Nobody knows you better than yourself, not even you mum. So sometimes, don't only allow your head to lead you, let your heart shine your way through :)

I'm not adept at expressing my thoughts out and loud. Neither am i the one to really be sticky and mushy and stuff like that. I am not the dream girl you dream about. Neither am i that perfect girlfriend. But i try to be myself and try to make you a happy boyfriend :) Jia you Baby! Bong and I are here :)

I guess with all said and done. What's the only thing left to say is.

Baby. I love you :)

P/S: If you really do see this, PLEASE don't mention anything for fear i might just break down and cry.

Another teardrop story for you to know.

A teardrop fell from her eyes. She picked it up and asked it why. The teardrop replied her, "Your brain's too full to occupy me, Your heart's too filled for my standing and your eyes, are too taken up that i have no place to stand in. I have no choice but to leave". She allowed her teardrop to fall as she thought about the only thing which stood in her teardrop's way. And the thought lit a smile on her face.
She is Yours Truly.